1 is da magic number........please sit down, have a glass of merlot....or do you prefer ice water or cranapple juice? aight, open your mind and your ears, dont hear me....listen to me. ok? lets begin. *ventin* people say the biggest form of flattery is when someone mimics what you do...in a sense, tries to think like you, act like you, talk like you.....basically tries to become you. well, like i always say and will continue to say, i am cream. havent always been cream cuz i havent always been true to myself.....dont get it fucked up....there is no doubt in my mind that right now, this second, and as long as i have breath in my body, i will be me. i dont understand why individuals have the urge to feed off of me. feed off of my intellect and my creativity...like vultures. in all honesty, that shit bothers me. it doesnt take effort for ME to be ME...but i know it takes a lot of effort for one to try to be ME. so, for your own sake, stop it. if you want to be like me....just do this, DO YOU. you can never be cream...not even on my worst day. next topic....i feel for someone.....like yall didnt already know. yes...someONE. does she know who she is? yes she does. we are goin to flow like blood through my veins and if the most high sees fit, in time....we will be exclusive. as far as the other peeps who are tryin to get into my space, most of them do not have the qualifications to be there. its sad but damn true. next topic...home. yo, i have been eatin sooooo damn much. i told yall i was goin to gain mad weight when i came home. aint nothin like jerk chicken, caramel cake, homemade lasagna, fried chicken with texas pete....aint nothin like my momma's cookin. i need to back away from the food befah i cant fit into my new clothes. ive been spendin a lot of time with my niece...thats my pumpkin pooh. i look at her when she looks at my brother....its like he is the most important person in the world. when he leaves, she cries. when he comes into a room, her face lights up and she starts raising her arms so he can pick her up. it makes me think, when i was her age, my father wasnt around. i was never daddy's little princess like my niece is because my father had his own issues that he was dealin with at the time and still to this day is still dealin with his damn issues. i talked to him about a week ago...sometimes i think its better that i dont talk to him cuz all it does is make me upset. he makes me want to kick him in the damn throat. he is at the top of my list of people who can not fathom how much they hurt me because it is beyond their mental capabilities. i love him because half of me came from him. i am upset with him because he has never done a damn thing for me. no christmas presents or birthday presents....not even fuckin cards. nothing. for a while, it was like he didnt exist. there is not a day that goes by that i dont think about him. lookin at my brother with my niece...i cant see how he could not feel fucked up for not bein here for me. i know he cant make up for the time he lost....i just want to know that half of me. i want him to be in my life, even if its just a phone call every now and then. i want us to have a relationship....that shit just seems like its impossible. i cant make him love me...i cant make him call....i cant make him be the father that i always wanted...cuz the reality is, he is a grown ass man and i cant make him do shit. aight...next topic. im thinkin about boxing again. i trained when i was 17...stopped because i was lazy. i need an outlet. i need to get in shape. boxing took care of all of that. i might even compete professionally. it will keep me focused on something besides school. it will help me let out all this built up aggression and anger. aight...thats enough ventin for now. thank you for listenin. now, let me drink my merlot.