bennu....i want to burn anything associated with you, soak it with diesel goodbyes and unleaded heartaches...burn anything connected to a thought or a dream....plans of matrimony of a match made in lies....empty words capped with empty promises accompanied by excuses spread upon my ears before the sun greeted my face...i want to incinerate my heart and watch it burn like the tears when they fall from my eyes...bathe in lava to erase traces of kisses and touches. i want to rise above the ashes where memories once inspired smiles on sour days and tears every other week, fly past the past....so i can finally be free.

i wonder.....if she knows how inferior i feel around her. she is beautiful. sure, she has her flaws but over all she is beautiful. i know i have the degree, i have the good job, but i dont have happiness. i dont have serenity. i dont have an ounce of esteem. i wonder if they know how much pain i have felt in the past year. so many changes. so many issues. sometimes i just want to say fuck it all and move to wyoming or montana...live in the boonies where i dont know anyone and no one knows me. somewhere i can sit and write or paint and be myself. i wonder if this build up of tears that i havent shed will hurt once they start flowing. cant hurt more than my heart right now. i wonder how many people would notice if i took a break. lets see. in a minute....maybe 5....peace and kleenex....prolific out.