1 is da magic number........please sit down, have a glass of merlot....or do you prefer ice water or cranapple juice? aight, open your mind and your ears, dont hear me....listen to me. ok? lets begin. *ventin* people say the biggest form of flattery is when someone mimics what you do...in a sense, tries to think like you, act like you, talk like you.....basically tries to become you. well, like i always say and will continue to say, i am cream. havent always been cream cuz i havent always been true to myself.....dont get it fucked up....there is no doubt in my mind that right now, this second, and as long as i have breath in my body, i will be me. i dont understand why individuals have the urge to feed off of me. feed off of my intellect and my creativity...like vultures. in all honesty, that shit bothers me. it doesnt take effort for ME to be ME...but i know it takes a lot of effort for one to try to be ME. so, for your own sake, stop it. if you want to be like me....just do this, DO YOU. you can never be cream...not even on my worst day. next topic....i feel for someone.....like yall didnt already know. yes...someONE. does she know who she is? yes she does. we are goin to flow like blood through my veins and if the most high sees fit, in time....we will be exclusive. as far as the other peeps who are tryin to get into my space, most of them do not have the qualifications to be there. its sad but damn true. next topic...home. yo, i have been eatin sooooo damn much. i told yall i was goin to gain mad weight when i came home. aint nothin like jerk chicken, caramel cake, homemade lasagna, fried chicken with texas pete....aint nothin like my momma's cookin. i need to back away from the food befah i cant fit into my new clothes. ive been spendin a lot of time with my niece...thats my pumpkin pooh. i look at her when she looks at my brother....its like he is the most important person in the world. when he leaves, she cries. when he comes into a room, her face lights up and she starts raising her arms so he can pick her up. it makes me think, when i was her age, my father wasnt around. i was never daddy's little princess like my niece is because my father had his own issues that he was dealin with at the time and still to this day is still dealin with his damn issues. i talked to him about a week ago...sometimes i think its better that i dont talk to him cuz all it does is make me upset. he makes me want to kick him in the damn throat. he is at the top of my list of people who can not fathom how much they hurt me because it is beyond their mental capabilities. i love him because half of me came from him. i am upset with him because he has never done a damn thing for me. no christmas presents or birthday presents....not even fuckin cards. nothing. for a while, it was like he didnt exist. there is not a day that goes by that i dont think about him. lookin at my brother with my niece...i cant see how he could not feel fucked up for not bein here for me. i know he cant make up for the time he lost....i just want to know that half of me. i want him to be in my life, even if its just a phone call every now and then. i want us to have a relationship....that shit just seems like its impossible. i cant make him love me...i cant make him call....i cant make him be the father that i always wanted...cuz the reality is, he is a grown ass man and i cant make him do shit. aight...next topic. im thinkin about boxing again. i trained when i was 17...stopped because i was lazy. i need an outlet. i need to get in shape. boxing took care of all of that. i might even compete professionally. it will keep me focused on something besides school. it will help me let out all this built up aggression and anger. aight...thats enough ventin for now. thank you for listenin. now, let me drink my merlot.

bah humbug.....my christmas was aight. i am not really a christmas person, meaning i dotn get all happy when christmas comes around. i mean, its aight...i buy people gifts and all that crap, but that's about it. dont expect cream to be all cheery, singin jingle bells, and bakin christmas cookies. christmas is a very social holiday and cream is kinda anti-social. i had company for christmas eve and christmas morning. all i have to say about that is i got it, i got it, i got it bad. peep the fourth reason in the chorus and that is how that situation was. my niece gave me her cold...so now da kid doesnt feel too hot. im tired of wipin my nose and coughin. my food doesnt taste right so i barely eat. since i have been home, i have had a lot of chill time...time to write, read, meditate.....all the stuff i used to do before i went to college. i got a webcam....so now maybe...just maybe....you will be one of the fortunate people that will be able to see this beautiful speci-woman named cream. i aint doin no kinky shit...dont even think about it dammit. anywhoo, before i go back to school, im goin shoppin for my dorm room....i want to be prepared just in case i have to entertain company. just in case someone comes to visit....hey, it might happen.. i know this blog was borin as shit cuz i was bored as hell writin it...so im goin to bed. muahhhzzzzz.

hey you.....i am tryin so hard not to feel for you...not to smile when i hear your voice, see you online, or even when i think about you. the reality is, i do. i smile cuz for the past 3 weeks, you have given me something to think about. you leave me wantin more....its like im eatin 1 chicken wing with some texas pete....it's not enough...i want more. not sayin that i want to rush in a relationship, although the thought of you and i bein exclusive.....*damn there is one of those smiles again* im not sure how you feel....maybe ill ask you that the next time i talk to you. heres da bizness.....i cant allow myself to let you do more than inspire me to smile. i cant allow myself to be let down again...unless i know your intentions. you are hella cool...you move me like palm leaves in the wind. you make me feel orange (are yall still marinatin on that). all i want you to do is show me....show me that you are different....positively different. show me that you are worthy of bein a part of my future cuz you are not like those in my past. show me you can satisfy my mental and physical simultaneously. show me your interior and ill show you mine. fill the space in between the thick black lines of this situation with answers......peace.

work in progress......i know i know i know.....its been a minute. since i have been home i have been hella busy. i went to jersey...not goin to give out too many details....all i will say is i had a ball. been chillin with my fam. givin my brain a rest. i dyed my hair blonde....it didnt turn out as blonde as i wanted, but its cool cuz its going to be rinsed red all the time anyway. when i went to jersey, i learned a lot about myself. i have some things i am goin to work on. from this day forward, my main focus is on cream....what makes cream happy....what makes cream feel good. i have been talkin to someone.....i think i mentioned her in the last post....anywhoo, im feelin her fo real. she moves me. adds to my mental in every conversation. everytime i think about her, i smile. she makes me feel orange (let your mind marinate on that). i went to the bookstore and lost my mind. its been so long since i actually had time to sit down and read a book for pleasure. i sat down and sipped on a caramel macchiato and read books for about an hour. dawn told me about jessica care moore a long time ago....i didnt peep her work until today. when i go to a bookstore....i make a bee-line to the poetry section....of course. anywhoo, i read some of her work in a book called "listen up! spoken word poetry." yo, i read a piece by her called "one afro's blues"....i think that is what it is called. anywhoo, i must have that book. leiriq might be gettin it for me for christmas. cream loves presents. since i have been home, i have been shoppin like crazy. my brother bought me a coach bag, hat, and belt. i have bought clothes, shea butter and honey soap, and a couple of scarves. i went to victorias secret and lost my mind....passionate kiss and amber romance is the shiznit...and those lace boy-cut undies....ohhhhhh. *fannin myself* i cant wait until i have a woman....then i can wear lingerie for her. i want to be wearin a butterfly thong, an open cup bra, and a pair of 6 inch heels.....cookin breakfast for my woman. i know, i know.....ima make some woman very happy one day. i just gotta find one that makes ME happy. peace.

let me take you on a journey..........last night, i slept like a baby. i went to sleep listening to the rain. my ex called me at 3am and woke me up. usually, when she calls me late at night, after we get off the phone, i cant go back to sleep. not last night. after we hung up, i was out. maybe my efforts of takin her off the stove have finally paid off. i dont hate her...hate is such a strong word. my feelins for her are reactions of being hurt by her. i have finally realized that it is beyond her mental capability to even fathom how much she has hurt me. you cant expect but so much from a person whos main focus of energy is them. i have been talkin to someone for the past 2 weeks. i havent been moved like this in a while. she makes me laugh. she has ambition and she is workin to make shit happen. she has a fully functioning brain and utilizes it to the fullest. she adds to my mental table. im not goin to get my hopes up...im just goin to let things flow and see what happens. i hope she wont be another name added on to my dismissed list. i was talkin to someone last night about what i want from a woman. basically, they didnt understand why i put such a big emphasis on intelligence. well, heres why. i am an intelligent woman. not the most intelligent, but intelligent. my desire to know moves me. knowledge moves me. i feed my brain everyday...if i dont, it will go into starvation mode...i dont want hunger pains in my brain. in my past relationships, i always heard, "cream, you think too much." they thought i thought too much cuz they didnt think enough. they had nothin but inane, inconsequential conversation as a result of not exercising their brains. i vowed that the next woman i commit to will have a fully functioning brain and will use it to the fullest. im not sayin that they have to be an genius...they must be willin to expand their mind. i cant deal with a practicer of know-nothingism. so people, that is one of many pre-requisites for a relationship with cream. in other news....2 more days until i go home. im excited cuz i have all these plans. i want to thoroughly clean my mom's house....from the roota to the toota. im not a neat freak....i just get these spells where i want to clean everything. needless to say, my mother likes when they happen. im not lookin forward to dial-up internet service tho. i am so used to dsl...ill be aight tho. at least i got something. so, ill be updatin as normal while im not in school. today im goin to take a trip on the bus to walmart...i need some blank cds and some more little stuff for myself. i havent went shoppin for myself in so long...i always tend to the needs of others before myself. i have realized that i need to worry about me...cuz no one else will if i dont. takin care of me and my needs are at the top of my priority list. as much as i would love to keep writin...da kid gotta go to work...gotta make that paper for some new goodies.

beautiful one...this is not goin to be a bitter post. this is not goin to be a post about she who shall remain nameless. this is a post about me. first of all...id like to start off by kissin myself. then, id like to say i love the fuck out of myself...self i love the fuck out of you, ya heard me. (mannie fresh said it best) i am what i am.....5'5", 180 pounds (yeah i said it...WHAT), brown eyes, red medium length hair, big titties, aight size booty (i aint got a badookadunk but it aint flat either), thick in the thighs, wit a pot belly. i'm not a video ho look-alike...nor am i tryin to be. me..im not j-lo...me...im no trina....me...im no ashanti....me...im just me. apologies...i had a 50 moment. ya'll.....im a sexy muhhhfuucccacaaaaaa. from my nappy roots to my pot belly to my big feet. im luvin me right now. if i dont love me....who is? and if you dont love me.....fucka you wit a diseased monkeys dick. i know i havent been takin the best care for me...all that is about to change. lately, ive been thinkin about my future a lot. the dreams of me bein a supastar are comin more frequently.....is this a sign? i dont know. what i do know is i want it. im hungry for it. i have let some issues in my life cloud my vision....i have nobody to blame but me. now....my vision is clear and my eyes are on the prize (LMAO). i dont know what im goin to be famous for....all i know is im goin to be a star. right now...is my time to condition myself cuz when i finally make it....when i finally have it....im never goin to lose it. in other news...here is cream's christmas list......


1. A full length fake fur coat (cream luhs the animals)


2. Egyptian Musk body oil


3. 2 pounds of cleaned chitlins and a bowl of potato salad


4. Uncle Ray's Fire Bar-B-Que Potato Chips


5. 30 thin silver bangels


6. Gold open face teeth (fitted just for me, of course)


7. Cash Money's Greatest Hits


8. Designer Imposter's Giorgio Body Spray


9. Walmart pink $1.99 slippers


10. The biggest bottle of Grape Mad Dog 2020


11. A vacation to my bed


12. Real love


13. Gucci shearling boots


14. Little Debby Devil Squares


15. The entire Body and Soul CD Collection


16. 4 carat Trillion cut cubic zirconias


17. A platinum blonde and burgundy draw-string ponytail


of course this is not my real christmas list....except for the chitlins, gold teeth, and real love. aight, minus the gold teeth. here is my wishlist. hook da kid up.....cream is goin to bed now...be back lata.

have you fed your mind today?......its been a long time since i wrote something from my heart....ive been writing about my day to day activities, which is cool.....sometimes. come and sit with me on the love seat. comfy??? aight. i have been conversing with some pretty cool peeps lately. its wonderful when you can vibe with a person and after the conversation has concluded, your mind feels satisfied. its like when you eat a good meal...it doesnt have to fill u up....it's enough to satisfy. i feel my mind expanding....thats a beautiful experience. much love to errbody that has stroked my mind for the past couple of months....its too many of yall to name....you know who u are. last night i was layin in my bed watchin the snow fall and started thinkin.....as much as i say that i dont love my ex anymore, in my heart.....i know i still do. love is a deep emotion...its not an appliance, you cant turn it off and on. when you really, deeply love someone...im talkin bout lovin someone with every ounce of you...those feelins never go away. they may decrease in strength but they never go away. you will always love that person if it was true love. ive only been truly in love one time...and that was with my ex. i still love her, no doubt...just its not as strong as it used to be. i will be in love like that again....one day. love is a beautiful process and i would be lyin if i said i wouldnt go through it again. i need to collect my thoughts....chill and watch tv for a few.....there is some merlot in the fridge...pour you a glass. ill be back.

creamatize...john deere like a muhhhfuckkaaa.....cream baby is bizzack. my vacation was short but sweet...sorta like a hershey kiss. i went out to a gay club FINALLY. all eyes were on da kid. it felt good fo realla. me and leiriq had mad fun while i was home. thats my dog. she kept da kid focused cuz i flipped out for a minute...got salty over some shit i didnt have no bizness bein salty about..i'm not goin to put the situations (yes plural) on blast but just know this....the bitches (plural again) aint worth it. i had to get out my john deere on they ass....so, 2 more peeps have been officially kicked out of my damn space. yo, leiriq keeps clownin me cuz...aight heres da damn story. they gave out dental dams and condoms at the club. well, after we left the club, i still had mine in my hand. why in da hell did i walk in the store with them still in my damn hand?? i already had all eyes on me cuz i had on a corset top with my boobies pushed up, a long black skirt, and some black boots......but i had on leiriq's baby blue and white coat cuz my coat was in the trunk. i looked like a dominatrix (what's my name bitch?)when i walked in the store, everybody paused. me and leiriq were geekin...as usual. then i said..."leiriq..why i carry these in the store dawg?" she walked away from me laughin. yo, i cant wait to come back home so i can chill with my evil cartoon buddy leiriq. when she laughs, she sounds like one of those evil cartoon characters like gargamel from the smurfs. on too other shit, i got my hair braided...i look rather cute...it makes me look all innocent. i got tipsy off of some paul masson and coconut rum....amazed my brother cuz i can drink them both straight. liquor one of the few things i like straight. i watched my neice dance to sean paul. she bounces to the beat...its amazin that a 1 year old has rhythm. she looks like a combo of me and my brother. it's crazy. i officially do not like my brother's girlfriend. she's overly friendly. all up in ya damn face....cheesin and shit. i call that shit rat droppins....proof that a rat is amongst us. it would be in her best interest not to talk to me cuz i will most likely hurt her damn feelins. on to the present.....right now, i need a damn drink. i need somethin...shit. 2 more weeks of school and then....1 month vacation. i might be goin on a vacation within my vacation with a friend....keyword might. i dont know yet. back to the women folk.....they still gettin on my nerves....ya know...same shit, different toilet. ill vibe more on that lata...i really dont feel like talkin bout them ho's.....cream needs sleep and some rum. peace.....lataaaaaa.