let me take you on a journey..........last night, i slept like a baby. i went to sleep listening to the rain. my ex called me at 3am and woke me up. usually, when she calls me late at night, after we get off the phone, i cant go back to sleep. not last night. after we hung up, i was out. maybe my efforts of takin her off the stove have finally paid off. i dont hate her...hate is such a strong word. my feelins for her are reactions of being hurt by her. i have finally realized that it is beyond her mental capability to even fathom how much she has hurt me. you cant expect but so much from a person whos main focus of energy is them. i have been talkin to someone for the past 2 weeks. i havent been moved like this in a while. she makes me laugh. she has ambition and she is workin to make shit happen. she has a fully functioning brain and utilizes it to the fullest. she adds to my mental table. im not goin to get my hopes up...im just goin to let things flow and see what happens. i hope she wont be another name added on to my dismissed list. i was talkin to someone last night about what i want from a woman. basically, they didnt understand why i put such a big emphasis on intelligence. well, heres why. i am an intelligent woman. not the most intelligent, but intelligent. my desire to know moves me. knowledge moves me. i feed my brain everyday...if i dont, it will go into starvation mode...i dont want hunger pains in my brain. in my past relationships, i always heard, "cream, you think too much." they thought i thought too much cuz they didnt think enough. they had nothin but inane, inconsequential conversation as a result of not exercising their brains. i vowed that the next woman i commit to will have a fully functioning brain and will use it to the fullest. im not sayin that they have to be an genius...they must be willin to expand their mind. i cant deal with a practicer of know-nothingism. so people, that is one of many pre-requisites for a relationship with cream. in other news....2 more days until i go home. im excited cuz i have all these plans. i want to thoroughly clean my mom's house....from the roota to the toota. im not a neat freak....i just get these spells where i want to clean everything. needless to say, my mother likes when they happen. im not lookin forward to dial-up internet service tho. i am so used to dsl...ill be aight tho. at least i got something. so, ill be updatin as normal while im not in school. today im goin to take a trip on the bus to walmart...i need some blank cds and some more little stuff for myself. i havent went shoppin for myself in so long...i always tend to the needs of others before myself. i have realized that i need to worry about me...cuz no one else will if i dont. takin care of me and my needs are at the top of my priority list. as much as i would love to keep writin...da kid gotta go to work...gotta make that paper for some new goodies.