love angel.......sometimes, i wish that i wasnt so damn focused. there are certain things that i cant do because i know if i do them, it will ruin my career. i wont be able to get the jobs that i want. so, i remain focused but at the same time, i get bored. i dont smoke, i rarely drink, i dont go clubbin very often.....you can say im a pretty settled person. sometimes i think im too young for that. life is so damn short but at the same time, i dont want to shorten it any more by making stupid decisions. *sigh* i absolutely despise my job. talking to arrogant people that have no common sense for 8 hours, 5 days a week, gets on my last good nerve. im not a finance person....dont get me wrong, i like having money and i like spending money. i dont like dealing with other people's money. i have no interest in banking. i know there is something bigger than this meant for me. there has to be something bigger. i know that i have a bigger purpose than this. me and woo are still building our natural hair and body care business. the preparation stage is long as hell. we have to decide how much we are going to invest, the suppliers to use, what products to offer, etc...etc....etc. i cant wait to get it poppin. with her business sense and my skill....we will be successful. i remember thinking that it wouldnt be a good idea for us to be in business together for the simple fact that we are exes. the ex shit is a part of the past. its not like our break up was bad. we mutually came to the agreement that our relationship wasnt healthy. our friendship never stopped. anyway, thats my business partner that just happens to be my ex. if you are interested in ordering something, e-mail me. next....dora was supposed to come here on the 9th of next month but....she cant. im a little disappointed but hell....thats what comes with a long distance relationship. sometimes she calls me....frustrated as hell and i know that if i was there or she was here, things would be better. im not used to having a relationship with someone that is always around me. my last one was with that cunt. its going to take some time to get adjusted to having her around. im used to being by myself...used to having my own space. she is going to have to get used to my moods...my fickleness....all the makings of me. hope she can handle it. aight...i need to go eat dinner and take my ass to bed...i have to go off the workplace hell tomorrow. in a minute....peace and jazz....cream out.

slingblade......ive been feelin hella anti-social for the past week. i havent felt like being around anybody. i havent felt like talking. i just want to be.....at peace, enjoying my own company. my fam has been gettin on my nerves too. i have closed myself in my room after i get home from work for the past 2 weeks. me and my sister arent gettin along right now.....mainly because she acts differently around her friend. i know it has a lot to do with the fact that im 24 and she and her friend are under 20. not saying that everyone under 20 is immature....but her and her friend are the perfect examples of immaturity. walking around the mall lookin at shit when you dont have any money isnt cute to me. riding around looking for dudes to give my number to isnt cute either. they actually stress when their phones arent ringing. smh. they giggle and geek like 10 year olds. it irritates the hell outta me. my mom has been walking around the house with an attitude. i dont know if she is pms'n or what but i wish she would get over it....whateva it may be. my brother and his girlfriend do the usual things to get on my nerves. its weird tho....they havent got on my nerves as much as they usually do. maybe its because the irritation has been induced by other people besides them. dora was here about a week ago. its like a breath of fresh air in a stank room when she comes here. she nurtures me....which im not used to. ive never had someone that opens doors for me, rubs my feet, washes my hair, cleans my room while im at work.....*sigh* someone that gives just as much as she receives. that means so much to me. like i said, its different than what im used to. today we got in our first real argument. we have had some heated discussions but never to the point where i wanted to scream at her.....and im not one to argue. we are ok now but it opened my eyes to the fact that i have trust issues. well, i knew that all along but i thought i was better than what i was. when i said i would commit to her, i didnt say that i was perfect or that i had everything together. i admit that i have some issues....nothing major tho. she knows about some things....some things she doesnt. ill let her know in due time. maybe i should get around to telling her some things so she will understand why i react the way i do to certain situations. next....my job still sucks herpes infected monkey's balls. im prayin that i get the job with the police station. i want to tell this bank to kiss my entire yella ass. nobody knows whats going on....a bunch of people runnin around thinking they know every damn thing but really dont know shit. plus, their policies are stupid as hell....i feel like im in elementary school. aight i feel like im rambling....ill holla. in a minute....peace and mustard biscuits.....cream out.

drive slow homie.....i got off from work early because i only took 5 phone calls from 9-3. we shouldnt have had to work on labor day any gatdamn way. i hate that job but its a paycheck every week. i cant wait until i start doing what i really want to do. oh well...im home now. things have been ok. im trying to stay as stress and drama free as i can. it seems like its hard as hell to stay that way living here. if it aint one thing, its another but its never MY drama. its always someone elses. im just waiting on the day when we (my fam and i) will live peacefully with no bullshit and issues. i know every fam has issues but we dont have internal issues....our issues come from people outside of the fam. like i said, i cant wait for the day that i can be away from it. i refuse to allow this place or these people to drive me insane. me and dora are fine. we have had a couple of little heated discussions, which is normal. im moody as hell (especially since i stopped taking those pills to regulate my period, my attitude can be downright shitty at times, and im easily irritated. that takes a while to get used to. im getting used to having a girlfriend. im not used to having someone that im obligated to talking to everyday. im not used to actually givin a fuck about someone else's feelings to the point where i watch what i say and the tone i take. ive never been with someone so.....innocent. half of the things i have experienced in my lifetime, she hasnt. she hasnt developed the thick skin and coldness that i have in my heart. she is damn near pure. true, she has experienced some pain but no where close to the amount that i have. she has the biggest heart.....didnt think people like her existed anymore. makes me wonder sometimes, why someone so innocent would love someone that is tainted as me so much. not like im dirty or anything but ive had my share of bullshit. been through a couple of bad breakups, a physically abusive relationship, a couple of bad sexual experiences, and a partridge in a pear tree. i know that she loves me....flaws, my past, and all. i just hope i can love her with the innocence and purity that she loves me with. next....new orleans. if i didnt have a job, id probably be there. it hurts me to my soul to see so many people without help. the richest nation in the world has their people living like people in third world countries. that shit is sad. its sad that we sent soooo much money to the tsunami victims and to people in iraq but we cant help our own people. im not gonna go into any political beefs or issues either (race, class, etc. as a reason why those victims havent gotten help). please support your local red cross or many of the other organizations that are collecting money for the victims. thats enough for now.....im hungry. in a minute....peace and love......cream out.