a little deeper........uhhh ohhhh....i updated 3 times in 1 month....get it cream. damn...where to begin. i worked for 1 fuggin night and then i got called last friday to work 3-11, friday and saturday. damn temp agencies. it was easy as hell. i think i worked for an hour and sat on my ass and did nothing for 7 hours. i call the damn temp agency every freakin day hoping that they will give a chic a damn job for about a month. the supervisor asked me to work on monday and i have been workin every since.....so i hope this will be a regular thing. i hate being broke. i cant do the things i need to do because da queen has no money. when you are broke, you see who is really down fo yo ass and who is just straight bullshittin. “ohhh, i love you cream.” well, if you love cream, help a chic out. pay my damn cell phone bill. my celly is off. payin that bill would show me some love. shit. i see who my damn friends are. bullshitas beware.....you have been dismissed. next....i miss being online. im online occasionally to update my blog or to check my e-mail but i havent chatted in a while. i deleted my blackplanet page a while ago. im thinking about gettin another one....just to laugh at the peeps in chat. bp is like the club i go to, i only go to laugh. people amuse me. most of the time, they dont mean to. i watch people closely. i observe their mannerisms and such. you can tell more about a person by watching them when they speak than by just listening to what they say. next....i talked to artiste a couple of nights ago. she makes me laugh. im going to have to read up on dali so i can vibe with her about his art. thats her favorite artist. nobody comes close to him according to her. i think he’s aight. maybe because i really dont look at his work close enough. my artistic side is coming back. i have been playing in photoshop....experimenting....trying to make a new layout. ripway deleted the pic...ol’ bitches. i was tired of seein alek anyway. so, look out for a new layout in the next couple of weeks. next....my prototype. she is trying real hard to warm my heart back up. i admit, i have been real cold lately. my attitude towards womyn stinks like boo boo booooooo. me and her have talked about the break-up and how i feel. she listens and when i pause, she comments. its different than what i am used to. we went to the club last night and this dom was staring me down. im talkin about all in my damn grill. she wasnt ugly so i didnt give her the “what the fuck are u in my face for?" i wanted to see what miss prototype would do. i was sitting on a stool and she was standing behind me. i know she and the dom made eye contact because she stayed close to me the whole night. later on, she told me that she saw the dom looking at me like she wanted to say something but the dom knew better than to approach me. we danced a couple of times but dammit, i cant dance to techno. they played “yeah” by usher with a techno beat. i got up and then sat my ass right back down. overall, i had fun. we might go out this saturday. i really want to go to the club in north carolina....i need to shake my ass to some rap or r&b. anywhoo....that is enough for now. in a minute......peace......ice cream lafoxx.....out.

welcome to body camp.......on friday, me and ty went everywhere. she took me to her part of va...a place called body camp. its out in the country and the name made me think twice about going but yo....it is beautiful. the air smells so fresh and there are trees and big open fields everywhere. fields that you would want to take your clothes off and run across. if you did, trust, no one would see you. we were riding and i saw this farm and it appeared that it was a baby calf in the yard. i havent seen a damn calf before so thats what i assumed it was. well....it was a damn goat. ty laughed at my ass for about 15 minutes. i am a city girl with country tendencies.....the last time i saw a goat, it was covered in curry, on a plate with some rice. after she laughed at me, we went to the lake. they have a little marina where you can eat and rent boats and jet skis. we are broke as hell, so we just went down on the pier. mayn.....i saw the biggest damn catfish i have ever seen in my life. they were about the length of my arm. they had to weigh about 25 pounds each. i call them the mutated catfish. we were plotting ways that we could catch one and bring it home to fry it up (country and ghetto tendencies at work). the marina is sooo pretty. we are going back before i go back to school so i can take pictures of it. im going to have to scan all the pics i have taken and create a photo album. that would be cool. anyway, i had a lot of fun on friday. i went places i had never seen in va. plus, the conversation while we were riding was beautiful. one of those conversations that makes you smile when you think about it. nothing deep, just 2 people vibing about shit that moves them. saturday, was boring as hell. i sat on the porch and wrote while i was listening to the rain. slowly but surely im writing. in my opinion, i have written some garbage. mainly because i havent exercised my skills. its like a person who goes to the gym all the time and then they stop going for about a year. when they decide to go back, the workout wont come as easy as it did when they worked out on the regular. artiste told me “you’re a writer....so write.” i do....just not here. lately, my blog writing has closed up a bit. meaning, im not as open as i used to be. mianly because of the fact that i didnt want to write about my past relationship. there is a lot of pain and bitterness that i need to get out. regardless of my feelings towards her, i respect her feelings. i would never say anything or write anything that i know would hurt her.
i was looking at some pics of myself from almost a year ago. how i look now and how i looked then are totally different. its like im looking at a stranger. back then, there was no doubt in my mind that i was getting married and in may 2005, i would be living in connecticut. i believed that things would get better between me and woo and we would be together until one of us left this earth. i believed that she loved me as much, if not more, than i love myself. i actually believed that i had the love and support that i needed to do anything i wanted to do. was i wrong? i believe so. im taking it as a learning experience tho. there are a lot of things that i did that i wont do again. i wont let someone in my heart so easily. i have so many walls to protect my heart. i have to protect my heart....i have been hurt twice. im not saying it wont happen again.....its going to take a whole lot for a womyn to get next to my heart to hurt me. she’s going to have to go through lions, tigers, and bears, fields of hot coals, a lake filled with mutated catfish and sting rays, 50 deebo looking guards, and about 45 walls that are taller than sears tower before she will get a glimpse of it. trust that shit. my “prototype” is going to have it hard as hell. ill talk more about her one day......she knows who she is. thats enough for now.....im being invited to go listen to the storm. in a minute.....peace.....cream out.

big bizness........i know i have been on some other shit...updating once a month and shit but dammit...da queen is busy. plus, dial up sucks monkey's scrotum. i hate aol with a passion...maybe because im really not patient and it kicks me off 5011 times everytime im trying to do something. fuck dial up with a rusty fork. anyway, im still jobless. it pisses me off to the nth degree because i am willing to work, willing to do what the fuck i gotta do to make some damn money and its like nobody will give me a chance. i got bills to pay bitch!!!! me, fresh (my little sis), and ty went all over looking for damn jobs. we filled out soooo much shit it was ri-gotdamn-diculous. we went through all that shit and none of us have jobs. damn shame. the temp agency called ty last night to work from 11-7. so her stankin ass will have some money next week. well...no she wont. she gotta pay the rest of her speeding ticket so she will be broke like me. next...i bleached my hair blonde. why...because i was bored as hell. the fro is gettin big yall. i cant wait until it gets huge. next...i have been reading a lot of people's blogs recently. it seems like everybody is havin relationship issues. well....i got 99 problems but....yall know the rest. im happy right now. im getting back to me, as artiste would say. at the same time, im chillin. ive been inspired to write, giggle like im 6 years old, and to be open. by being open, i mean, i can be myself...say what i feel, do what i feel, without someone knockin me or judging me for it. from october to june, i felt like i wasnt being true to myself. i wasnt me. i didnt feel as free as i do now. the people around me have a lot to do with it. if you dont have negative energy coming at you constantly, you have a chance to produce positive energy and do positive things. ive been writing my business proposals. i have 2 business ideas. yall will be seeing them real soon. i keep telling peeps.....im gonna be a wealthy woman before im 25. my dreams are going to be reality.....with equal amounts of faith and effort. just watch me. art is callin......in a minute ( shorter than a month).....peace and blessings.....cream, inc. out.

slow motion.......i know i know.....its been a minute. i have been working and doing me, as always. when i am at work i think of all the things that i want to write about but when i come home....its a whole different story. i was working through a temp agency so my job ended. am I upset??? a little...but i know i gotta get another job soon. until i do....im handlin my bizness bitch. speaking of bitch, i say that word a lot now. everything, including some people, is a bitch. i dont know where it came from but bitch flows off my tongue like hello or goodbye. so, if i call you a bitch, dont get offended. if i put an adjective in front of bitch, be offended and be very afraid. next....last saturday, i went to harrisonburg to eat at chillis. yes, da queen likes chillis so much that she would travel 2 hours just to eat there. besides chuck’s seafood, chillis is my favorite spot. anyway, i enjoyed the ride as much i enjoyed my chicken philly and onion blossoms. the conversation was easy....effortless. it just flowed. i opened up a little without having to explain myself constantly. i didnt feel like what i said would be thrown in my face in an argument or repeated to someone else. there werent any confused looks thrown my way. i felt so.....relaxed. next....my 4th was aight. we had soooo much food. it was all gravy and sprinkles until it started raining. not a light rain, a heavy, soakin all ya clothes, rain. i was the only one outside getting ribs off of the grill in the rain. i love my natural....shit i can play in the rain if i want to. WHAAAAAAT!! lol. me and ty went to the fair and her car broke down. we were stuck in the middle of traffic. 2 policemen pushed us out of the street and about 20 minutes later, her car started. aint that a bitch? we came back to my house and drank puerto rican rum and 99 bananas. i was fuuuuuucked up. next...i called artiste and we talked for a little minute. i had company so i couldnt talk long. it is so nice talking to my friends again. i have neglected yall....i apologize. yall know what happened and trust, it wont happen again. i have learned my lesson. anyway, i copped some books from the bookstore. yo...donald goines books are the bomb. yall know im into the 60’s and 70’s anyway....but yo, i read his book called “whoreson”. that shit was so damn tight. i have to get some more. i need to add some of his books to my wishlist. thats enough for now...this post is boring as hell. in a minute.....peace....cream out.