dharma and pro....yesterday before i went to work, i bought "the complete idiots guide to zen living". i have the e-book but i enjoy reading the book so much that i wanted a hard copy. anyway, i took the book to work with me so i could read it on my lunch break instead of watching t.v. or something else mindless. i had the book on my desk and my supervisor came up and said "zeeen living? whats that?" as soon as i said "ZEN buddhism, meditation, stuff like that." this chic removed her hands from that book like it was the textbook of satanism 101. she walked away and i continued to do what i was doing. she came back and sat beside me and said "god said you shouldnt put any other god before him." the look on my face was priceless yo. i gave her the "what the fuck did you just say to me?" face. anybody who has seen me, knows that face. i am sooooo tired of christians, not just black christians, all christians, acting like anything that isnt related to the bible is of the devil. i went on to explain to her that i am not a buddhist, although i read a lot of books by the dalai lama and about zen. i am not a christian. i go to church because i enjoy going, not because i believe its going to get me closer to heaven. i am spiritual, not religious. i dont feel that any one religious group is the chosen group. you notice that every religious groups outside of buddhists think they are the only people that will be in heaven? religions divide people, not the most high. just because im studying zen doesnt mean im not going to heaven and just because you go to church every sunday doesnt mean you are going either. zen isnt a religion any damn way. its a way of life and thinking. stop being so fuggin scared of shit you dont know about. if you dont know, READ. knowledge is free...go to a library. damn sheep. then this broad had the nerve to say "i was going to take yoga but somebody told me that it had something to do with religion." *sigh* at that point, i gave up. again i say, READ. yoga has nothing to do with religion yo. it amazes me how many sheep there are in the world. too lazy to educate themselves so they can form their OWN opinions about the world. its easier to conform. well, i refuse to conform and i refuse to be a fuggin sheep. fuck your opinions and fuck your existance. nobody lives my life but me. *gettin off my soapbox* next...today me and my sissy walked to this new trail that was built a street over from where i live. i thought it was going to be lame, to be honest. the part we walked was about a mile long. its kinda like a nature trail. you are surrounded by trees and you can hear the creek beside the path. i dont know what made the city to decide to build it through the hood but i dig it. hopefully, it wont rain tomorrow and i can take some pictures. its the perfect place to take photos. expect a link to my flickr page soon. anyway, i even walked my dog through the path. i let him run free and his stupid ass rolled in rabbit shit....or at least i think it was...i wasnt tryin to smell it. when we came home i gave him a bath and gave him all of my buffalo wild wings bones so needless to say, he is a happy dog right now. my calves feel like shit but other than that, im good. im going to commit myself to walking through that path more often. its a nice walk....just to let everything that is going on in your life go and just focus on the scenery. it made me feel like everything that was on my mind was mundane. my sister wants to start running through there. im not sure about all that but i will walk. i gotta walk before i run, lmao. thats enough for now. in a minute.....peace and spirituality....prolific out.

namaste.....in front of my comp (of course) blastin joi in my headphones. suga you should know that i just wanna fly to the moon and even if you wont take me i know there will be anotha rocket comin by soon. this weekend has pushed so much emotion out of me, things that i havent thought about in years came out. i guess the zen thing is working. my mind is purging out all of the garbage from the past 25 years. all of the times i allowed myself to be violated and abused mentally as well as physically played in my head like a movie. its weird how you push things in the back of your mind and you think they have left your mind but they really havent. meditation is a helluva thing. the first time i sat down and meditated, my mind went blank in the first 10 minutes and then the story of my life played in my head. when it finished, i got up and wiped my face and blew my nose (yuckers, i know). come to find out, my niece had been knocking on my door for 20 minutes and i didnt even hear it. weird. my mind was somewhere else. the whole experience had me shook up for a minute. i wanted to call my bestest friend artiste but i knew she was probably at work since she is always at work. i already woke her up outta her sleep last week. i know she doesnt mind tho. she is my best FRIEND. not someone i call when i just want to vent about my problems or someone who just calls me to vent about their problems. we have been friends for almost 6 years now and never met in person. its amazing how we are so damn close but never met. whats more amazing is, we arent on the phone every 5 minutes. we dont have to be. we converse at least twice a month and if she tells me she is gonna call me back and she doesnt for 2 weeks, i overstand. i know respect her moodiness and she respects mine. *sigh* friends, how many of us have them? hell, how many of us have ONE? next...i took the day off to finish my project for my interview tomorrow. im nervous, but ill be ok. the worse thing they can say is no and its not like i havent heard that 5011 times before. in due time, someone is going to say yes. everything in its time. i know that i have been neglecting not only my business but my writing. my writing has suffered greatly due to the fact that i stopped doing it. i lost focus. in a way, im glad my business didnt start when it was supposed to because i know i dont know enough about it now and i knew even less when i proposed the idea. i want to perfect my crafts...my art and making my own products. in a couple of years, i want to be a household name. i want my books in your briefcases and on your bookshelves. i want my art to be hung in your home. i want my hair and body products to be a staple for your day to day routine. so, presently im working to become a better person, a better lover, a future mother, a better businesswoman, a better friend. in a minute....peace....the one who is better than sex, drugs, and hip hop, the one that took any half you had and made it whole, the one that put the motion in ya ocean when we were sailin in my bed, the one who put the pen to the pad of a microphone fiend....out.

tyrone......nobody knows when they have had enough until they have had enough and im filled to my brim with fed-up-ness. im ready to start all over again. i found out i lost 10 pounds since the 4th of july. hell, i wasnt really trying, i just havent had an appetite. i think im gettin a bug, my throat feels hella funny. im going to bed. in a minute...peace and love...pro out. ps....look at the vids. feel some kinda way.

bittersweet part 2.......i cant believe im awake this early. maybe it has something to do with the fact i went to bed at 12:30 and went to sleep about an hour later. i didnt feel like doing anything but chillin. well, i didnt get the job i went on the interview for. i knew i wasnt going to get it when they told me they had someone from one of their other offices that wanted to transfer back AFTER they saw the job posted online. how can i with my rookie ass compete with that? they called me and asked could they keep my application on file.....whateva. now i have to focus on this other job i have an interview for. im trying to think positive instead of becoming discouraged. its hard when u hear nothing but rejection. ive decided that its time for me to get my license. i downloaded the driver's manual to study so i can get my learners permit and drive legally. after i get my license, im going to grad school. i know i cant depend on anyone taking me back and forth to school. its bad enough i have to depend on someone to take me back and forth to work. speaking of being dependent, i hate that fuggin word. thats one thing i really dont like being. ive realized me not driving has made me dependent so im doing something about it. i dont want to depend on anyone for anything. next.....despite me studying zen like crazy, im officially on ice again. i have to protect my heart and well being. when i love, i tend to love hard. that tends to bite me in my ass...fuck that...everytime ive ever been in love, it has bit me in my ass. too many chunks are missin from my ass now so i have to protect my heart....and my ass for that matter. no time for heartache and tears, i got too much living to do. in a minute...peace and love.....prolific out.