welcome to body camp.......on friday, me and ty went everywhere. she took me to her part of va...a place called body camp. its out in the country and the name made me think twice about going but yo....it is beautiful. the air smells so fresh and there are trees and big open fields everywhere. fields that you would want to take your clothes off and run across. if you did, trust, no one would see you. we were riding and i saw this farm and it appeared that it was a baby calf in the yard. i havent seen a damn calf before so thats what i assumed it was. well....it was a damn goat. ty laughed at my ass for about 15 minutes. i am a city girl with country tendencies.....the last time i saw a goat, it was covered in curry, on a plate with some rice. after she laughed at me, we went to the lake. they have a little marina where you can eat and rent boats and jet skis. we are broke as hell, so we just went down on the pier. mayn.....i saw the biggest damn catfish i have ever seen in my life. they were about the length of my arm. they had to weigh about 25 pounds each. i call them the mutated catfish. we were plotting ways that we could catch one and bring it home to fry it up (country and ghetto tendencies at work). the marina is sooo pretty. we are going back before i go back to school so i can take pictures of it. im going to have to scan all the pics i have taken and create a photo album. that would be cool. anyway, i had a lot of fun on friday. i went places i had never seen in va. plus, the conversation while we were riding was beautiful. one of those conversations that makes you smile when you think about it. nothing deep, just 2 people vibing about shit that moves them. saturday, was boring as hell. i sat on the porch and wrote while i was listening to the rain. slowly but surely im writing. in my opinion, i have written some garbage. mainly because i havent exercised my skills. its like a person who goes to the gym all the time and then they stop going for about a year. when they decide to go back, the workout wont come as easy as it did when they worked out on the regular. artiste told me “you’re a writer....so write.” i do....just not here. lately, my blog writing has closed up a bit. meaning, im not as open as i used to be. mianly because of the fact that i didnt want to write about my past relationship. there is a lot of pain and bitterness that i need to get out. regardless of my feelings towards her, i respect her feelings. i would never say anything or write anything that i know would hurt her.
i was looking at some pics of myself from almost a year ago. how i look now and how i looked then are totally different. its like im looking at a stranger. back then, there was no doubt in my mind that i was getting married and in may 2005, i would be living in connecticut. i believed that things would get better between me and woo and we would be together until one of us left this earth. i believed that she loved me as much, if not more, than i love myself. i actually believed that i had the love and support that i needed to do anything i wanted to do. was i wrong? i believe so. im taking it as a learning experience tho. there are a lot of things that i did that i wont do again. i wont let someone in my heart so easily. i have so many walls to protect my heart. i have to protect my heart....i have been hurt twice. im not saying it wont happen again.....its going to take a whole lot for a womyn to get next to my heart to hurt me. she’s going to have to go through lions, tigers, and bears, fields of hot coals, a lake filled with mutated catfish and sting rays, 50 deebo looking guards, and about 45 walls that are taller than sears tower before she will get a glimpse of it. trust that shit. my “prototype” is going to have it hard as hell. ill talk more about her one day......she knows who she is. thats enough for now.....im being invited to go listen to the storm. in a minute.....peace.....cream out.