love yo'self.......its almost been a week. i have been writing, i havent published anything. the last entry i wrote that i didnt post, was very angry. i just wrote what i felt about a certain someone. i know that if she read it, she'd be hurt. i know that i say and write things that may seem a bit harsh to some but i mean every damn word of it. when i feel like ive been done wrong or shit just aint right....i tend to flip. the older and older i get, the more self centered im getting. i realized the love that ive been searching for in someone else is impossible to find. nobody is going to love me like i love me. people say that they love themselves but yo....do they really mean it? i mean, think about that for a second. do you really love yourself? do you give your body and spirit the upmost respect? probably not. people say they love themselves because it sounds good, not because they do. do you think that cigarette you are smoking and the stress you are allowing yourself to be consumed by are acts of self love??? hell no. you have to show your body, mind, and spirit love and they will give you nothing but love in return. slowly....im getting there. the process of fully loving myself is taking time....but its getting there. i am no longer my worst enemy. next...i got my friend dee ready to go to the drag show....he's the ugliest woman i have ever seen. the drag show wasnt a real drag show....it was like an ugliest woman contest. a lot of the boys wouldnt participate because they said that it was "gay". some people arent comfortable with their sexuality and thats a damn shame. no one can make you gay...thats one of those things that just is. either you are or you arent. next....i got my ticket for def poetry a couple of weeks ago. the show is on the nov. 3rd. yo...i just found out that staceyann chin will be there. i am sooooooooo excited to see her. hopefully, ill get to meet her after the show. id probably start crying or something. thats how much she moves me. have you ever had a person in your life that moved you to happy tears??? i do, and she is one of them. everytime i read her poetry or her blog, i get all tingly inside. next...now that i look back on the million years i have been in college....i cant believe ive gotten this far. right now, i have 4 papers due plus 2 exams in the next 2 weeks. i will be so damn happy when i go home for that damn week...the mental rest will be welcomed. it always seems like i have something to do, something to read, some paper to write....its always something. i need calm....i need a hug. next...i started going to the gym on wednesday and yo...i feel soooo much better. as you probably have noticed....im frustrated and going to the gym has made it a little better. i was on the eliptical machine for almost 45 minutes and didnt even realize it. it burns a little but after a while, i got used to it. my legs are still sore a little. i want my body to be right when springtime rolls around. im not trying to do anything major....tone my arms and legs and minimize my gut. im not even focused on how much i weigh...it doesnt matter to me. all my weight is, is a number. i refuse to let that number drive me crazy. it doesnt matter how much i weigh...all that matters is how well it looks. ive seen some chics that weighed about 250 that were absolutely gorgeous. its all about how you carry it. anyway, thats enough for right now, i gotta do some damn homework. in a minute....peace and self love.....cream out.