phoenix.....everyday is a struggle....a struggle to maintain my grades so i can graduate in may, a struggle to find a job so i can pay my bills, a struggle not to let my past effect my future, a struggle not to strongly dislike certain peeps from the marrow in my bones.....yall get the picture. today, my obstacle was not letting her upset me. after we talk on the phone or on the computer....i leave the situation upset. i called my best friend tia to vent. i feel soooo much better. i can always call her and i know that she will be there to listen. thats my dawg. anyway...i think the reason why she makes me so angry is because i feel dumb for allowing her to hurt me like she did. i put soooo much into the relationship and she fucked me over. the fact is now i am in a new relationship with the most beautiful womyn i have ever met. miss p is so damn good to me and i need to focus on her and leave the past in the past. its a struggle tho. i have decided to cut some shit that i cant untie. no more....for my sanity and for my future....no more. i have let it burn and now....i have risen from the ashes like a phoenix. i dont wish anything bad on her....but i do know that karma is a bitch and it avenges all wrong. oh....my business idea is still on....just without her. maybe it was meant for me to do it by my gotdamn self *insert ying yang twins voice*. im determined to make it. next....my big brova rocky is going through a similar situation. when she was talking to me, it was like i was talking to myself. i hate to see any of my friends hurt....really there are only a few people that i can stand to see or hear about hurting and those people yo.....i wouldnt piss in their mouths if their hearts were on fire. fuck them with a rusty, anthrax covered machete. i know i sound a bit hostile....but i needed to get that out. *back to the calm, cool, and collected cream* next....the new layout. it was created in less than 20 minutes. i was listening to "if i was a bird" by floetry and it just happened. i actually like this layout more than i have liked the past 3. aight mayn...im going to take a shower and meditate. i need to shake this negative energy off of me. in a minute....peace.....cream out.