unadulerated.....warning, this may be a long post. so, get a glass of kool-aid and something to snack on. hmmm...where to begin? my family. i got a phone call from my grandma earlier this week...before i could say hello, she was cursing. she only curses when someone REALLY pisses her off. so, im thinking "damn, what the hell did i do?" well, she was mad because my great aunt called her and asked her why she hadnt received a graduation invitation from me. well, them damn things are 7 for $80 or something like that so im not gonna worry about a damn invitation. you are lucky if you get a call from me. anyway, my grandma was flippin because this is the same aunt that told my grandma that i wouldnt graduate from high school and basically i wouldnt ever be about shit. well ladies and gents, im graduating from college, most high willing. put that in ya pipe and smoke it. my aunt went on to question if i was even graduating at all....like, me not sending invitations was a sign that im lying or some shit. believe what the fuck you want homegirl....you'll be one of the people that i dont call to invite. aint like i wanted you there anyway. in all honesty, i dont want to go but im being forced to go by my mother and grandmother. thats the least i can do since they kinda helped me get through this hell called college. back to my aunt...so, a couple of days goes by. she sees a man that she went to high school with and the man says, your niece's husband works for me. that niece he was referring to is my mother and of course the man is my father. *sigh* so, my aunt decided to call my father and announce that i was graduating and all that shit. now...wasnt this the same chic that questioned if i was graduating or not??? uhh huh...thats what i thought. anyway, she talks to my father and then calls my grandma to tell her what she did. my grandma calls my mother and then...my mother calls my father. now, keep in mind that i havent decided if im going to tell him im graduating because im not sure if i want him there. his ass hasnt called me in about 2 months and like i said before, im not calling him first anymore. fuck that. my mother tells him that im graduating and asks him if he wants to go. uhhh...who said that i wanted him there in the first place??? so, when my mother calls me and tells me the whole situation, im heated. im a grown ass womyn and i can make my own decisions. i dont need anybody inviting anybody or trying to make plans for me. leave me the fuck alone. so, as of right now, my father still hasnt called and i still havent decided if im going to invite him. i know if he came then his mother would too and yo, not to be funny but uhhh...i dont like her and she doesnt like me. i dont want her at my graduation. i havent talked to that woman in 6 years. nor has she ever asked about me or anything. to her, i dont exist. so, fuck her with an anthrax soaked tampon. this graduation thing is so damn stressful yo. ill be so damn happy when this shit is over. i took my statistics test and i was confident until i saw that shit. it was like, damn, she told us to study this shit and none of what she told us to study is on this test. everybody did bad...which didnt make me feel any better but it didnt make me feel really bad....hell, that shows im not the only one that doesnt understand her ass. i dont know what she is gonna do as far as the test...all i know is i better pass gatdammit. its so much more at stake than me graduating. my brother called me this afternoon to say that he flipped on my mother's ex. smh. i knew it would happen eventually. i calmed him down and hopefully, this is the end of his anger. i said...hopefully. i feel like i have to go home because my family needs me. im the glue that holds us together. now, i know how my grandfather must have felt. on to more cheery things......im soooooo sexually frustrated yo. lmao....thats not too cheery huh? sex is on my brain something nasssty. *sigh* its been bad since friday. nothing happened to trigger it, i just woke up like "hmmmm....i wanna do the oochie". me and india (the chic ive been talkin to) have been talking a lot more. we arent together but its almost like we are. we talk every day and if we dont, one of us has a damn attitude. im still kinda talkin to inayah. she has been real distant for the past 2 months. im going through so much in my life that i dont want to add any more complications to her life. there are other things that are keepin me from letting down my guard. her and india are totally different. i mean, like night and day. right now, im just chillin. one day ill be in a relationship but i dont see that happening anytime soon. im not ready and i know that no one else is ready for me. i need to breathe. in a minute...peace....cream is the opposite of in.