love me or leave me alone *ventin*.....when i was re-born, i said fuck everything. fuck what anybody thinks about me..they can all go straight to hell. fuck everybody in my life at the time. i cut everybody off. i isolated myself for a minute and just recently started lettin people back into my space. i told ya'll before, i keep my grass cut so i can see the snakes. lately, i havent had time to cut my grass. well tonight, i cut my grass and a snake looked at me dead in the eyes. so, as a result, cream is back in fuck it mode....im not a snake charmer. i live for cream...point blank. i just do what i know best, ME. i cant and im not going to try to be anybody else but cream cuz cream is totally mastered by cream. i know every curve, every thought, every experience, every damn thing about me and dammit, i love everything about me. what you read and for the priviledged, what you see and hear...is what you get. so, whoever doesnt like me, my work, my lifestyle, etc or feels like they can judge me....can take a diseased dick up their ass. i aint got to prove shit to nobody but the most high and cream. when you point your finger...3 is pointin back at you. so check yo'self before you attempt to check cream. cuz best believe, i will not hesitate to pull yo muhfuckin card. there isnt a person of flesh and blood besides my mother that can judge me. share dat.

melt.....words spoken....flashbacks of you and i.....2 sunsets ago...conjoined...you above me, with your locs on my collarbone...our hands entwined above my head and us moving in perfect harmony...our minds and bodies collaborating....creating a 2 woman orchestra....makin me feel feelins that were unfamiliar, yet unforgettable...the way that you pleased me...emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and most of all...physically...giving me pleasure in abundance...those kisses...soft and wet...that made my hips rise and gyrate...using your tongue as my axis and my compass...you took me directly to the stratosphere...makin my voice scream your praises and my body sing your praises....my body craves to be devoured and stroked by you...baby, you made this cream....melt in a wet dream.(c) all rights served. you fukkin bitin bastids!!!! anyway, did i make you horny baby? did i? did i make you randy baby?...yeah. i had to drop off that piece...it's been dancin in my head since saturday. i need a nap. ill sleep for a couple of hours and get up and do some more damn homework. da kid is gettin so tired of school dunnies. i am ready to go home.....24 days to go. im ready to eat my chitlins and potato salad, drink some grey goose...straight..no chaser (im bout it dammit)....definately drink some coconut rum, go out and shake my ass, spoil my mommy, catch up on sleep, and chill with my fam. im finna go to sleep. i luh u buh bye.

honey molasses, its gettin late....i havent posted in a while cuz to be totally honest, i needed some time to get my thoughts together. so much has happened since the last time i posted. i havent been doin anything but thinkin, goin to class, and listenin to ursula rucker. school is still stressing me out. im tryin to hurry up and graduate. goin to school isnt payin the bills. ive been seein females my age go shoppin everyday and basically live like queens...while i sit here and have nothin but bottled water in my fridge...havent had a new pair of shoes since early this past summer...livin off of this nasty ass cafeteria food...hopin that it doesnt get cold before i go home cuz i dont have a winter coat.....prayin that my grandma loans me the money to pay my room deposit for next year.... yada, yada, yada...it could be more crappy than it is...so, i thank the most high for what i have and pray that he continues to bless me. i met honey wednesday night. im dont put a big emphasis on appearances but she was attractive....6'3", thick, with shoulder length locs. i finally rode in a big 18 wheeler....you feel like you are on top of everything. it was real cool. we talked most of the night. im really feelin her but i still have my guard up. thoughts of her are startin to appear more frequently in my mind. im startin to look forward to talkin to her. everytime the phone rings...im startin to wish its her. yo, the situation is makin me maaaad shook cuz im so afraid of gettin hurt. i never want to feel what i felt after me and my ex broke up. thats when i found out that heart aches are fo real. my heart literally hurt...it felt like someone kept squeezin my heart real tight like they were ringin out a sponge. i didnt eat...i barely slept. i never want to feel that ever again. anyway, i dont know what is goin to happen between me and honey...ima just let shit flow. it has the potential to be serious, but the question is will it be fucked up before it can reach its full potential??? on to other shit....ive conversed with some real cool people lately. me and leiriq have been talkin for about a week and a half. she is mad cool. it's rare to meet someone from home who actually has a damn brain. we are gonna go out when i go home. im lookin forward to actually sittin down and talkin to her face to face. i have been conversin with dizzle also. well, her name is dee but i call her dizzle. dizzle is from michigan. we talked a long time ago but when i told her i had a girlfriend she stopped talkin to me so much. she didnt want to disrespect my relationship...i respect that fo real. time went past, she sent me a note and we have been talkin every since. then there is sunya, candyce, nubian, oshun, dawn, renee, talia, and requo. ive been gettin my mind stroked everyday. im so blessed to have so many positive people around me. its rainin outside....im finna lay in my bed and try to clear my mind so i can catch up on all the sleep ive lost. keyword...TRY. lataaaaaaa.

the beautiful 1....words spoken.....have you ever known someone that made your heart melt because your conversations were hot, heavy, and deep? i have. i talk to her almost everyday...when shes not busy...shes a real busy person but she always makes time to vibe with me. i crave her conversations cuz they move me...they take me on mental trips from ancient egypt to dc. right now, shes goin through some things and i feel her. i wish i could take all the negativity out of her heart and replace it with my love...cuz i have so much to give...but she doesnt see that or see me. i want this woman..let me stress that....i want this WOMAN....i want to massage her, from her feet to her crown... vibe with her without sayin words, cook ital food for her, write poetry inspired by her, but most of all.... love her....love her like the goddess she is...she is my hathor, my pakhet, and my qadesh all wrapped up into 1...she is my cool breeze when its 105 degrees, she is the beginning of my perception, she is the emergence of light when my world is dark, she is what she is and i like who she is....but she doesnt know who she is...i call her my beautiful 1. (c) all rights served. fo all you fuccin bitin bastidssssssss. yo, ive had mad ish on my mind lately. i am in a real uncomfortable situation. i feel like i'm sittin in the middle of 2 people in a back seat. i have a lot on my brain...i needed to get that..whateva it was i just wrote..out of my head....ill vibe more lata...right now i need to rest my brain. sweet dreams.

mind sex..........yo, masturbation is a very healthy thing. its cool to do it by yourself....but when you are on the phone with someone...its even better. you have mental imagery of that person, just by hearing their voice. it's like they are there, but really it's just their voice and your imagination collaborating. that collaboration had us talkin shit to each other. it had my whole body tinglin. it had her moanin my name. that collaboration made us climax together. that collaboration was a beautiful thing. enough about that. just when i thought i couldnt find an intellectual convo online.... i met the coolest woman. her name is nubian. we talked online for a few and we clicked instantly. she is a musician/poet/visual artist. she called me and yoooo, her poetry is bangin. i wish that i could have talked to her longer and heard some of her music but i had to go cuz one of my friends called me wit an issue. cream da counselor had to take over. nubian has my number and she saved me as a buddy on aol so i hope i get to vibe with her a lot more soon. i know this entry is maaad short, but that collaboration has put my ass to bed. i'll holla lata. nite nite.

play...pause...eject...now she sleeps with the fishes......last night, reality stood up, walked over to me, and slapped me. i hate to keep talkin about the same thing when i know in my heart that the simple solution is to let it go. let the whole thing go. kiss it goodbye and let it sleep with the fishes. apologies, i watched the godfather for the 100th time last night. that's my favorite movie of all time. "its a mafia message....it means lucia brasi sleeps with the fishes." like i was sayin. i loved her like i loved no other. what me and her had is past tense. it can never be rekindled. no one has hurt me like she did. all we can be is friends. so, its time to let all the feelings that still remain, all the feelings that you shouldnt have for someone that is just your friend, sleep with the fishes. anyway, i talked to dawn today. she read me a new poem.....woo lawd. i had to cross my legs! that was my treat for the day. i get so nervous when i talk to her on the phone. online, im aight. but on the phone, im speechless. im never one to be totally speechless. dawn is one of those people that when you are on the phone with her, you want to keep your mouth shut and just listen to what she has to say. ive only talked to her on the phone about 3 times. everytime, i was so damn quiet. today, i told her that her poetry makes me want to cremate my notebook. she gave me some inspiring words (as normal) and told me to keep writing. one day, im goin to get up enough bravery to read some of my poetry to her. i went back to work at 2 cuz cream has no cream. i get paid on wednesday but i got to pay my room deposit plus all my other expenses. so, wednesday night, im goin to be broke, but everything will be paid. but still, i would be so nice to be able to go out to eat instead of eatin this nasty ass cafeteria food every day. yo, i think they have a deal with some squash farmers...every damn day, squash is in some dish they fix. if i see another damn squash, im goin to scream!!!! i might just treat myself to a veggie sub on wheat with extra tomatoes and crushed peppers from subway....yummy. yo, i keep havin the illest dreams. i keep dreamin im famous. its almost the same dream every night. one night, i was accepting an award and i got a standing ovation. then, one night i was in a limo and people were chasin it and screamin my name. i have no idea what this re-occurring dream means. im going to have my own clothing line. im going to get my doctorate in criminal justice......i'ma be dr. cream. im going to have a bunch of books published. im going to write, direct, and produce a couple of movies. im going to own my own restaurant chain where they serve chitlins, jerk chicken, potato salad, jamaican beef patties, fried plantains, ox tails, veggie cuisine, and kool-aid. so, maybe one day i will be famous. who knows....im limitless.

easy conversation......i am so glad this school week is over...we're on "fall break". we only have a 3 day weekend. big friggin deal. i was hopin that i could go home with a friend of mine...but she was leavin at 4 and i had a midterm at 6:30. soooo, i had to stay here. im hella homesick right now. i need to be around my mama. i miss layin my head on her tummy and her rubbin my scalp until i fall asleep. im a big baby..... i know. i miss me and my mama layin across her bed talkin for hours. that's my first best friend, the second bein my brother. words can not describe the love i feel for my mother, brother, and neice. they are all i have in this world. i wouldnt think twice about layin down my life for them. aight, enough of the mushy shit, i talked to dawn yesterday online. everytime i talk to her, i learn something. dawn inspires me to dig deeper into my mind. that's what i value most about the times i have talked to her. i admire her mind so much. her poetry is off the hook. it's wonderful to read, but if you hear her read it......lawd. it's a priviledge. i was lookin at her pictures and when i talked to her i told her she has a beautiful neck. she laughed at me! yo, i have thing for necks. i thought about it for a minute and ive come to a conclusion why i think necks are so beautiful. aight, your neck connects your head to your body...duh. just think about it. your head sits on top of your neck. your head holds the most beautiful organ in your body, your brain. so, i think the neck is like a throne or a pedestal that holds your head, which holds your brain. so, i am very attracted to a woman with a nice neck, especially if it's holding up a head that contains a fully functioning brain. speakin of brains, mine is on idle. i think i did aight on my midterms. my criminal justice midterm was hard as hell. harder than i thought it would be. but, im built fo shit like this. but fo now, i'm finna study some francais. holla!!!!

thug changes...love changes.....it's funny how people change when they meet someone new. its like, their whole world consists of the new person and the people that were once important in their life, cease to exist. ive been guilty of that in the past but i know what it feels like to be one of the old people and not be paid attention to. no phone calls, no e-mails, not a damn thing. i try not to make any one person outside of my family, my central focus...thats just not healthy. there is enough cream to go around and i make sure everybody gets their one on one time with me. even if it is just to say what up, how you doin, how was your day? but, aint errbody like cream. i guess thats why i try not to get too close to people anymore. i dont want to build myself up for another failed relationship whether it be a girlfriend or a girl friend. so...i just do me. ive been in a deep mood for the past 2 days....just thinkin about what the world is comin to. when i talk to my grandma and she tells me stories of how it was when she was my age...i feel so funny, like she's talkin about another planet or something. leavin your door unlocked all the time?? movies for a dime?? takin a walk in dc at 3 am??? those things arent even fathomable now. i talked to her yesterday morning after the boy got shot at a middle school in maryland. honestly, it just reminds me of how much i am blessed to wake up to another day. all i think about is today, ill worry about tomorrow...god willing, i see it. in other news, me and honey have been talkin a lot more. last night, we stayed on the phone until 3:30 talking about what we want out of life and our goals. we have had some deep conversations in the past 2 days. my guard is always up, but she seems pretty cool. like i said, im takin everything for what it is....im just lettin things flow. school is gettin better...after i dropped that literature class, its been much easier. im really enjoying my islam class. its opened my mind so much. our professor is muslim and he prayed in front of the class to show us the things he has to do. hearing him recite the quran in arabic was beautiful. i felt this calm feelin come over me. that was just a beautiful experience for me. im gonna make it a must to take another religious studies class next semester. da kid is gettin sleepy....those late night conversations and my busy days are startin to catch up with me. thank you for comin out, god bless you, good night.

priorities 1-6.....the past couple of days have been down right shitty....shitty like broken sewer lines. i was pms'n like a muhhhfucka. i was catchin feelins when i needed to let them continue to fly and do what the fuck they were doin. to make the long story short, i shed a couple of tears, drank some coconut rum, and got over it. my outlook on most things at the present moment is fuck _______ (fill in the blank with whateva is unimportant, redundant, insignificant or anything or anybody that will not uplift my mind, body, and spirit) i cant change someone else's feelings or actions so fuck it. like i said before, im doin me. speakin of doin me, da kid is on a diet!!! i put on my black halter dress yesterday and said whoooaaa kemosabi. im gettin too thick in the wrong places. those cookouts over the summer caught up with me...it was them damn ribs...but they are sooooo yummy tho. anyway, da kid is goin to the gym 5 days a week for no less than an hour a day and no more ribs. im tryin to be more aware of what goes into my body in all aspects. whatever you put in it, is what you are goin to get out of it. im focused man. yo, ive been conversin with a lot of people lately. i have to be real careful who i let in my space. like my momma says, "keep ya grass low so you can see the rats." my grass has to stay low. i talked to this one chic this weekend named honey. she is 32, got shoulder length dreads......the convo is decent. she drives 18 wheelers...that gives new meanin to the big truck song. i got a feelin in my gut that tells me she's tryin to run game. game recognize game pahtna. i might be 21, but when it comes to playin games call me the lakers. like jigga said i will not lose. im just gonna take it for what it is......decent conversation. i havent talked to oshun much this weekend. the club opened so shes mad busy. i wish i was there but in a way im glad i'm not there...bein that i'm havin technical difficulties (code red) and i wouldnt be very much fun. my tylenol pm's are kickin in and im gettin sleepy....very sleepy. i'll holla!!!!!!!

i get a migranes, chest pains, heart strains, and tear stains....(cop dat floetry cd) damn poopy, it will be a year on thursday. it seems like an hour ago, you said hello and you took my heart away...to distant places and familar spaces...spaces that were discovered and explored but never dwelled upon...i neva knew love deep like caverns...deep like the pacific...deep like us....you filled my emptiness until i overflowed with love, with tears, with you...i'm in love with the way you part them wonder-full lips and speak...with that hennessy filled florida accent that tingles in my ear, strokes my soul, and gets me drunk from your words...words that penetrate every cell in my body...makin me feel majestic, magnificent, miraculous, and magmatic in just 5 words...i'm in love you.....everything from your cerebral hemispheres to your distal phalanges carved from ebony and that gap in between.....i dont give a fuck.(c) creambaby, inc. ya'll aint ready fo da kid!!!! that shit is copyrighted too fo all ya'll bitin ass bamas. it aint even finished tho. i'll finish it one day. that popped in my mind when i was in the shower (yeah, really) and i couldnt wait to get in my room so i could write this down. thursday would be me and poopy's 1 year anniversary. i dont know how i'm goin to feel that day so i'm writing now. we (me, oshun, latia, and balla) talked on the phone last night for about 2 hours. we tripped most of the time. oshun put the phone down so me and her could talk. that 10 minutes of convo was so damn deep. i got my mind stroked. not to put it all out there....that convo changed my outlook. anywhoo, school is still kickin my booty. i'm goin to go to drop my ethnic lit class tomorrow. i'm through!!!!! if you feel me holla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!