honey molasses, its gettin late....i havent posted in a while cuz to be totally honest, i needed some time to get my thoughts together. so much has happened since the last time i posted. i havent been doin anything but thinkin, goin to class, and listenin to ursula rucker. school is still stressing me out. im tryin to hurry up and graduate. goin to school isnt payin the bills. ive been seein females my age go shoppin everyday and basically live like queens...while i sit here and have nothin but bottled water in my fridge...havent had a new pair of shoes since early this past summer...livin off of this nasty ass cafeteria food...hopin that it doesnt get cold before i go home cuz i dont have a winter coat.....prayin that my grandma loans me the money to pay my room deposit for next year.... yada, yada, yada...it could be more crappy than it is...so, i thank the most high for what i have and pray that he continues to bless me. i met honey wednesday night. im dont put a big emphasis on appearances but she was attractive....6'3", thick, with shoulder length locs. i finally rode in a big 18 wheeler....you feel like you are on top of everything. it was real cool. we talked most of the night. im really feelin her but i still have my guard up. thoughts of her are startin to appear more frequently in my mind. im startin to look forward to talkin to her. everytime the phone rings...im startin to wish its her. yo, the situation is makin me maaaad shook cuz im so afraid of gettin hurt. i never want to feel what i felt after me and my ex broke up. thats when i found out that heart aches are fo real. my heart literally hurt...it felt like someone kept squeezin my heart real tight like they were ringin out a sponge. i didnt eat...i barely slept. i never want to feel that ever again. anyway, i dont know what is goin to happen between me and honey...ima just let shit flow. it has the potential to be serious, but the question is will it be fucked up before it can reach its full potential??? on to other shit....ive conversed with some real cool people lately. me and leiriq have been talkin for about a week and a half. she is mad cool. it's rare to meet someone from home who actually has a damn brain. we are gonna go out when i go home. im lookin forward to actually sittin down and talkin to her face to face. i have been conversin with dizzle also. well, her name is dee but i call her dizzle. dizzle is from michigan. we talked a long time ago but when i told her i had a girlfriend she stopped talkin to me so much. she didnt want to disrespect my relationship...i respect that fo real. time went past, she sent me a note and we have been talkin every since. then there is sunya, candyce, nubian, oshun, dawn, renee, talia, and requo. ive been gettin my mind stroked everyday. im so blessed to have so many positive people around me. its rainin outside....im finna lay in my bed and try to clear my mind so i can catch up on all the sleep ive lost. keyword...TRY. lataaaaaaa.