more and more........this week has been cool, so far. i havent really done too much except go to work and go to class. thats all my life consists of recently. i have started writing in my journal again, so my writing hiatus is over. nothing big...yet. im still getting back to writing and most of what i have written, has lacked flavor. im trying to get back to chicken covered with texas pete. right now, im plain grits. no flavor, bland as hell. i have a long way to go, but ill get back and then beyond, trust. next....i finally got my n'dambi cd. yo...i have wanted that cd for a year now and i finally got it. i got new speakers for my comp too....her voice sounds soooo good. my old speakers didnt do her music justice. ive been listening to n'dambi and lady day all night. im experiencing insomnia...im not stressed, i just have a lot of thoughts. something happened this morning in a conversation that has my mind caught in a web of deep thought. im trying to overstand the heart and motives of the womyn that i love better than i do and at the same time, overstand the feelings that i have for her. maybe its not meant for me to overstand....maybe its something so complex...that its over my head, in the hands of the most high. things like that dont need explanations, they just are and maybe this situation is one of them. all i know is i feel a love so strong for her....my love is so strong for her but i feel weak at the same time. weak because i have never experienced love like this before...its unfamiliar but at the same time, it feels familiar because i feel like i have loved her forever. next....diallo said we might be going to va on saturday. if we do go, it will be a well deserved 1 day vacation. i need to sit at my mother's kitchen table with her sitting across from me and vibe with her. i need to hear my niece's giggle and feel her little hands in mine while she makes me sing barney's "i love you" song. i need to sit and laugh with my brother and see how much of man he has become. i need a dose of home. if only i could drive 8 more hours to get a dose of my womyn. i cant have everything i want tho. so, i will wait patiently for the day that i become connected with the other half of me. soon come. i need to go nite nite....i have an exam in biology tomorrow....in a minute.....peace....cream out.