live for the sunshine........im here....waiting for my black nail polish to dry. i havent painted my nails black since i was 14. im just feeling that color for some reason. im making a new anklet with black beads too. well, i have always worn black beads. things have been ok. i feel like i am just existing right now. i go to work and i half way go to school...like marvin said...this aint livin. i had to start eating carbs again because i couldnt damn get up. i felt weak...like when you get the flu weak. i felt sick. i dont know what to do about my weight...im totally clueless. all i know is it needs to go. as far as school goes, im feeling soooo unmotivated. school has officially become a bore to me. im ready to get on with my life. ive been in school a total of 17 years and im tired. i have to do this lovely paper to graduate and i really...REALLY dont want to, i have to. it has to be in perfect apa style or i will fail. thats stress. i am going to start going to the library when i can and write my paper. inshallah, ill pass so i can get on with my life. friday, i did a little christmas shopping. i bought myself a memphis jersey and a perfume set. sometime this week, im going back to get some goat's milk soap and some honey lotion. i deal with mean assholes every day at work, shit i deserve to treat myself. next....every day, the pain gets worse. its been almost 4 months since i have smelled her....saw her cheshire cat smile....felt her lips against my skin....its getting more and more painful. im cravin her and i have never craved anyone. i miss her so much yo. im so in love....and i know she feels the same way. ive had never been in a relationship where i felt the love that was professed for me. everytime she tells me she loves me, i feel it, i know it. she is the queen of my sanity. aight...thats enough. time for the kid to go to bed. in a minute.....peace....cream da queen out.