bittersweet part 2.......i cant believe im awake this early. maybe it has something to do with the fact i went to bed at 12:30 and went to sleep about an hour later. i didnt feel like doing anything but chillin. well, i didnt get the job i went on the interview for. i knew i wasnt going to get it when they told me they had someone from one of their other offices that wanted to transfer back AFTER they saw the job posted online. how can i with my rookie ass compete with that? they called me and asked could they keep my application on file.....whateva. now i have to focus on this other job i have an interview for. im trying to think positive instead of becoming discouraged. its hard when u hear nothing but rejection. ive decided that its time for me to get my license. i downloaded the driver's manual to study so i can get my learners permit and drive legally. after i get my license, im going to grad school. i know i cant depend on anyone taking me back and forth to school. its bad enough i have to depend on someone to take me back and forth to work. speaking of being dependent, i hate that fuggin word. thats one thing i really dont like being. ive realized me not driving has made me dependent so im doing something about it. i dont want to depend on anyone for anything. next.....despite me studying zen like crazy, im officially on ice again. i have to protect my heart and well being. when i love, i tend to love hard. that tends to bite me in my ass...fuck that...everytime ive ever been in love, it has bit me in my ass. too many chunks are missin from my ass now so i have to protect my heart....and my ass for that matter. no time for heartache and tears, i got too much living to do. in a minute...peace and love.....prolific out.

haiku's gone wild

i cant be your girl
my needs and your life dont meet
fuck you in advance.



im not what you need
my maintenance is too high
like clouds in the sky.



love's overrated
my heart has been bruised so much
it feels like its numb.




stepped away from fear
into possibility
im falling in love

london bridges.....im bangin this damn fergie song and shakin my ass....be afraid, be very afraid. i dont know why im diggin this mindless shit. maybe its the beat. ive been blastin my music all day. ive had a lot on my mind and the music has eased the tension a lil bit. have you ever been like...."you know what...enough is enough. i refuse to accept any bullshit from anybody anymore." i said that to myself when i woke up this morning. im tired of people taking my new found niceness for weakness. when i finally decide to open up...hold that thought. my playlist is on random from songs my friends have sent me for the past 6 months. why in the hell does urban mystic have a song called "fuck song". smh...can u please be more creative with your title dammit? if annnnn broad played this song for me trying to set the mood, i would promptly leave the premises. thanks for the effort, fuck you, urban mystic, and that fuck song, good night. *back to your irregularly schedule prolific programming" when i finally decide to open up, be nice, a lil more social, people do shit to make me go back into my batcave. im on ice once again ladies and gents. peeps gon start calling me subzero in this bitch. me and a friend of mine were talking about how weird my feelings flow. i can love you one day and you do something and ill act like you never existed the next. love or no love yo...i have to protect my feelings. my tolerance for bullshit is at an alltime low so if you are on some bullshit....do yaself a favor and vamoose. yall can kiss my asshole. *vulgar as hell, i know* next....still looking for a new job. my job aint horrible but i know that i can do better. much better. im enrolling in a master's program this spring. i need some more money in my life. i like shopping to much. shopping is like.....*sigh* aight, me and fabuloso have a date in the bathroom and the kitchen. in a minute.....peace and right effort....prolific out.

if you cant have the one you love....then where are u going in your life?......im lost.

freewriting part 2893092903.....its been a long time but right now...at this very moment....i feel a sense of extreme happiness. almost feels like im dreaming. i got a lil money left over after i paid my bills. no work this weekend. someone posted 2 of joi's cds so i could download them since i was having a hard time trying to purchase them (yeah, ill buy joi's cd because i know its good). i just finished eating the best steak i had in a while...so tender i didnt even need a knife...and to top it off, it didnt give me a headache. my life is pretty damn cool right now. sure, i could complain...but why? the good outweighs the bad so im enjoying the good and disregarding the bad. i got the urge to write, which hasnt happened in a while. i have had this big burst of emotion come over me and its producing soooo many positive things in my life. ambition has tapped me on my shoulder and words have asked me to dance. there is no way i could possibly express everything im feeling right now...but know that im aight. i had a long conversation with my best friend in the whole wide world (artiste you need to hurry up and get another blog, i miss your words) and now i have a sense of direction. i decided a long time ago that if i continued on the path i was travelling, i would die. physically eventually, mentally as soon as i let myself go. in all honesty, i let myself go...go into a place that i will never go again....stagnancy. im responsible for me and my happiness from this point until my very last second on this earth. that being said, im washing my hands of a couple of people i have allowed in my space that are just taking up space....offering nothing but negativity. i dont have time for the bullshit, i gotta lot of living to do homie. a lot of shit i gotta get done. in a minute....peace and LOVING YO SELF.....prolific out.

summer madness......it looks like its gonna rain hard as hades in about 5 minutes. im glad cuz it is HOT today. when i got to work today, the supervisor from the shift before mine told me that 2 people called in today. well, that leaves 3 people, including myself. i know things happen but damn....both of yall called out. *sigh* ive only called out 1 time and that was because i was sick as hell with a fever. i have even came to work with a fever...cold as hell...literally shaking because i was so cold. i dont know, maybe my work ethic is different from everyone elses. if i am not throwing up, im not too sick. now, the day after i blacked out, i went to work like a dummy but i left early because i started to feel bad again. im trying to save all the vacation time i can so i can possibly go on a vacation one day. i dont know where im going, but i know i want to go somewhere. next...i just read about the marines that killed 20 innocent iraqis. i know im late but wtf if going on? i know nothing if fair in war but killing women and children is down right sick. i read about a man who was holding an iraqi girl who had been shot and her brains fell out of her head onto his boots. first of all, that man will be scarred for life. i think the men and women in the military who serve in iraq will come back here crazy. seeing death everyday....people with limbs blown off, babies with gunshot wounds....that is bound to have an impact on their mental health. the war in iraq is a modern day vietnam and those troops that make it back here will be mentally unstable just like most of the vietnam vets. *sigh* back to work i go....in a minute....peace and love...prolific out.

braids and beauty......my lovely sister frannie fresh braided the front of my hair last night. i have about 15 little cornrows in the front and i pushed the rest of my hair back into a ponypuff. i looked in the mirror before i went to work and i be damned if i dont look like a middle-schooler. i have the body of a grown ass womyn but the face of a pre-teen. in the midst of all i have been through, im glad i still look a lil youthful. the round face with the chubby cheeks and the button nose make me look like a kid, especially when i smile. ive been downing more and more water lately. im trying to get my health in order. im wayyyyy to young to have the health issues i have. i might not be able to reverse what ive done so far, but i can make sure it doesnt get any worse than it already is. eventually, i want to stop eating meat but fish, limited sugar, rice, or bread, and work out at least 3 times a week. everything in its time. today im wearing 4 1/2 inch heels and i feel quite sexy. i know my feet are going to hurt when i get home but ill just soak them and wear little heels the rest of the week. its something about heels that make me feel sexy....probably because they make my lil short legs look long. im only 5'5" so my legs are rather short. when i put those heels on the legs look long, the muscles in my legs are more prominent, and the walk.....wooooooooo. all i gotta say is, ya better watch ya mate because the stroll always turns heads. yeah, im a little cocky when it comes to that. aight homies...back to work. in a minute...peace....prolific out.

flower......hold my hand and just listen.....lately i have been noticing more femininity in me...kinda like im a flower blooming and since im blooming i tend to want all things prissy....heels, skirts, perfumes, lotions, pedicures, manicures....none of which i paid attention to before now. i go shopping every payday for something to add to this new found femininity. i have a skincare regimen now.....wtf? i actually have nightgowns to sleep in instead of shorts and a t-shirt. its weird now...i want flowers and all things romantic. im turning into a mushball. *gaggin* right now....i would love to be made love to......candles lit with heated massage oil, with bilal playing in the background. i want a full body massage...well no i dont cuz ill go nite nite after that. i want to slow dance...my head on her chest as she softly sings whatever song is playing. i want our lovemaking to be passionate, unselfish...i dont want orgasms to be a thought....all that matters is she is close to me and me close to her and at that time....we are 1. fantasies are a mutha. next.....three nights ago, my father called me and told me that he has liver cancer. i dont know how i feel about it to be totally honest. i love him because he is my father but i dont know him. when i found out my grandfather had cancer, i cried immediately. my heart literally ached. i dont feel that way now. my father and i have always had a rocky relationship. i dont hold any grudges toward him as far as what he did or didnt do in the past. my brother and i sat down and talked about the situation and we both feel the same way. i think its bothering me a lot more than its bothering him tho. he said if our father died, he is not sure that he would go to the funeral. now, im sure im going. i dont care if i have to catch the bus up there, im going to his funeral. everybody in my family keeps calling me and telling me to be strong, things are going to be ok, blah blah blah. i wish everybody would leave me alone about it until i figure out how i feel. thats enough...going to bed. in a minute...peace and love...prolific out.

freewriting...ready...set...im at the old police department and the silence is soothing. i get so tired of hearing people...talking to people...i think thats why im comfortable being by myself. lately, i havent wanted to talk at all. i talk so much at work, by the time i get home, i have verbally exhausted myself. i hear so much crap at work, by the time i get home, i dont want to hear any bullshit. my best friend is moving tomorrow....the genesis. im so happy for her. makes me realize there is no such thing as stuck when it comes to my life. there is always a way to move up, over, on and when you mess up...back. im so damn indecisive...i think everything out before i act...afraid that the mistake i make now will effect my tomorrow. im tired of always thinking rationally. my mind bullies my heart constantly. im starting to believe the walls i have built around myself cant be penetrated. glass walls that were built for the sole purpose of avoiding heartache.....you can look in but no entrance homie. my father called me 2 days ago to see if i was ok. its been about a month since i talked to him. something is telling me that something isnt right...im fighting not to think about it. grown man with old issues...cant worry about things i cant change. got too much stuff on my mind as is. thought about calling his mother....probably would if i had the number. good thing is....i dont. might say some things that shouldnt be said, at least to her. i know its not good to hold grudges...i pray the most high forgives me for this one cuz ill probably hold it until one of us leaves the earth. i bought some clothes and perfume today. im buying heels and getting a pedicure tomorrow. being ladylike is scaring the hell outta me. its breaking my pockets too. dresses and heels were never my thing until now. i think subconsciously i didnt embrace femininity because i saw it as being weak and i never want to be weak. i wanted my exterior to reflect my interior. almost always wearing nothing but jeans, hoodies, t-shirts, and fleece pants since i was 12. like mary said...ive been strong for too long....possessing enough strength for everyone to thrive from all the while hurting myself in the process. i welcome womanhood and piss on weakness. i need to start living and stop existing. trust my heart a little more. love and live like its the last minute of my life. overstand the things that make me different, make me a flawed, yet wonderful grown ass womyn. psssstttt....love is admitting that she, everything, and everybody on this earth isnt perfect, but despite imperfections, you got me. in a minute.....peace and love...prolific out.

Reflections......So many thoughts running through my head at one time. Friends....how many of us have them? I am blessed that I have a friend that I can tell anything to at anytime of the day. I know your mate is supposed to be like your best friend but hell, who are you going to vent about them to? That's where my best friend comes in. Its strange...We've never met in person but I know I can trust her with my thoughts. That in itself is deep. I haven't met too many people in my lifetime that I actually trusted like I trust her. If we don't talk to each other for 2 weeks....Its cool because we both know that we have periods of time where we don't want to talk to anybody. True friendship is rare and I thank the most high I've experienced it. Artiste, you are my bestest friend in the whole wide world. Thank you for being here for me. Next...self love. I think about it all the time....How many people really, truly, love themselves. I cant raise my hand. Sometimes, my actions don't reflect self love. I do soooo many things to effect my mental as well as my physical. If you love yourself, you don't do things to harm yourself. Knowing the dangers of smoking and you still smoke, you are intentionally harming yourself so does that reflect self love? If you give your body food that you know isn't good for you.....Do you really love yourself? I don't reflect self love in the least. After I got out of the shower, I stood in front of the HUGE mirror in front of the sink and came to a revelation.....I've been so busy loving other people that I forgot to love myself. I stared at myself for about 15 minutes....the dark circles around my eyes that I try so hard to cover up...I've bought bleaching cream to try to make them fade but of course they are still here. A doctor told me they come from my allergies. Why haven't I accepted them...looked at them as if they are just a part of me? My lips that for a long time I thought were too full. Lips that have been appreciated by may but not by me. The lips I bite when I'm thinking. I smiled at myself and saw the slight gap between my front teeth....and I wondered why I don't smile more than I do? Maybe because I think I need braces. I moved down to the girls....as big as they are they should be called the 2 grown womyn. I'm the only one in my immediate family that isn't bottom heavy. I'm top heavy with thick thighs and a lil booty. My tummy that I absolutely despise....its funny how I couldn't even stare at it for a minute before I got tears in my eyes. I remember when it was damn near flat and I screamed when I saw my first stretch mark on it. Now, its covered. I feel uncomfortable being naked around anybody. Before it got big, something happened to me that I rarely talk about and probably wont write about. Maybe its still here due to the fact that I haven't gotten over that incident. Maybe once I let it go...it will leave. From there I looked at my thighs which I think are too damn flabby right now but they are still sexy as hell...Down to my feet that are busted and in need of a pedicure ASAP. For as long as I can remember, I haven't liked the way I looked. There was always a complaint...nothing ever positive came outta my mouth regarding my appearance. I'm 25 years young and things haven't changed. I'm my worst critic and since everything starts in your mind...I tend to get my mind right. I plan to first, get my mind right....start dealing with issues that I have been afraid to deal with. I plan to be on this earth for a long time...I cant have my fears, stress, past issues effect my mind which in turn, will effect my body. I'm ready to live my life and finally fall in love with me. In a minute....peace and overstanding....prolific out.

the real black sheep.....i wonder how much of my thoughts i can type before its time for me to go back to work. right now i feel.....lonely. i only feel that way occasionally because as everybody already knows, i enjoy my own company more than anybody elses. maybe its because today, im more irritable than usual i feel like being babied a little bit. im at the complaint desk at work today so that automatically puts me in a piss poor mood. i have heard so much dumb ish today that i just want to go somewhere and DRINK. liquor would be nice but unfortunately i dont have any. when i go home i want to eat my sandwich from sheetz, take a bubble bath, and be easy until i calm down. i dont know whats bothering me so much....whats making me so damn angry....all i know is, im ready to scream at the top of my lungs. my brother's girlfriend is on medication now because she is officially bi-polar. i laughed at first but then i thought...damn, could i have some chemical imbalance that makes me wanna cuss everybody who either invades my personal space or says something stupid?? mental illness is one of my fears. everybody jokes about being crazy as hell but gets a little shook when it could be true. i dont ever want to have to take a pill to keep me from spazzin out. i dont want to be dependent on anything to maintain my sanity. hell, i dont want to be dependent on anything at all. ok...my time is up. in a minute...peace and sanity....prolific out.

swiftly....this has been a long week, praise the most high....today is finally friday. im off this weekend and after a head busting headache, being on medication for my sinuses that makes me dizzy, dealing with inane people at work....i need a break. i plan to make this weekend GRAND. i am going shopping, getting my toes done, experimenting with my hair (im tired of this fro yall), and getting some well deserved rest. so if you call and i dont answer, dont be mad....im doing me. next...i realized this week that my life could be soooo much worse than what it is. i could be an unemployed mother with bad heathen kids, broke all the friggin time, have a chemical imbalance that makes me spaz out in 1.8 milliseconds, have an incurable disease called ignorance....but im not. my life isnt so damn bad. i have a good job...living comfortably....sane when im not at work....physically and mentally disease free, no kids, and im smarter than your average chic. how ya luh dat? *blowin kisses at myself, catching them, and putting them on my face*. aight, thats enough. in a minute...peace and love....prolific.

white turns to gray 2.....random thoughts......she makes me FEEL...makes me feel human...free to giggle..free to be freaky (lmao)...free to expose the scars left from this life ive lived...she is adamant...determined....she WILL be the soothing cure for scars left from past loves and there will no longer be me but us. she will be my liberation...my escape from this emotinal tomb i exist in....she will be more than some ol fake ass blackplanet wife after 2 weeks shit...more than some chic that fucked me with no emotion, no passion, no love, leaving me with nothing a heart devoid of emotion, mental frustration,and an unsatisfied cooch. nah, she wants to be above average, superior, the queen of my heart...the conqueror of my insensitivity and brashness...she wants to convert me into a believer of love. she makes me angry i never appreciated the art of kissing...my lips only used for forming words and orgasms...she makes me angry my hands dont reach miles away, i ache to feel her skin...i want to inhale that bittersweet scent of her arousal...i want her hips to whine on my face like im her jamaican tune and my tongue will lead to her redemption...her freedom from woes this life she lives weighs upon her...she makes me angry that my heart has boundaries built by years of sadness....its not easy lovin me...but its even harder for me to open my heart to love. in a minute....peace and love...prolific out.

Capricorn

It could be that a mental war is brewing in your world today, dear Capricorn. There is an extremely active part of your psyche that needs to be heard. Feel free to say your piece openly and honestly.



this might be a long post because i have a lot on my mind. i was looking forward to my weekend off. well, my father came down here after i told me that i didnt feel like being bothered. to make the long story short, he came down here and he and my mother got into an argument....the last thing i wanted to see. there are so many negative emotions between the two that i knew it was bound to happen. i looked at him sitting on my couch and thought about the times when i was hungry or when i didnt get a damn thing for christmas or when the men that i trusted physically abused me.....he was somewhere laid up. now, he wants to move here and "right his wrongs". the wrongs cant be righted in this lifetime. it would take more than just a couple of visits, calling me occasionally, and popping up when you werent invited to make things right. i sit in front of him and i dont know what to say...what can i talk to this man about? im closer to my mother's boyfriend than i am to my own father. now, dont get it fucked up, i love my father but its a weird type love....like, i love him but i dont like him. he has done soooo much stuff over the years that im really surprised that i can talk to him without getting angry now. ive made a lot of progress but not so much progress that im cool with him poppin up whenever he feels like it or he can just move here and we could have the perfect father-daughter relationship. thats not going to happen.
i went to the doctor yesterday and everything that is wrong with the world is due to my weight. the united states cant find weapons of mass destruction...due to my weight. i cant sleep...due to my weight. it has rained all day....due to my weight. ya get the point now? im just sick of this whole weight issue. ive always had a problem with my weight...every since i was young. ive always been chubby. now that im trying to eat right, nothing is happening. its like im eating 9489283 cheeseburgers a day when really im eating salads and fruit with taco bell once a week. i want to slim down to about 175 pounds. i know i didnt gain this weight over night so its not going to go away but dammit, can i at least see a little bit of progress? i want to start working out again but in order to do that, id have to go to work earlier. thats not a big deal except im not looking forward to working out in front of a bunch of cocky police officers. *sigh* the doctor told me that i need to start working out. now, i dont mind working out but i do mind being tired all of the time. how in the hell can i work out when im tired all of the time??? its like no matter what time i lay down, i go to sleep when my body is ready, not when im tired, if that makes sense. i go to bed between 230-430 every morning and then i wake up about 4 times before i get up. the things the doctor told me, i could have read on webmd or something. im starting to believe that healthcare is a fuggin joke around here. the doctor did take some blood so it could be tested for diabetes and a thyroid problem. im thinking positive about it tho.....i know what i have to do to prevent diabetes, its just a matter of doing it. all i know is, i have the poorest self-image of anyone i know and that is sooooo NOT hot fiyah. i got a lot of work to do. in a minute....peace and love....prolific.

do you......today started off for a lack of better words, eff’ed up. my mother had to go to the doctor because her eye has looked like someone hit her in it for the past week. i had to convince her to go because she hates going to doctors. hell, i do too but if my eye was swollen like hers, i would have been at the hospital yesterday. so, while she went to the doctor i had to babysit the child that she keeps during the day. now keep in mind that i’m usually good with kids…adults are usually the ones who piss me off. not this child. she cries all the time, even when nothing is wrong with her. after you feed her, she pukes not only from her mouth, but her nose too and that’s after every feeding. her mother holds her constantly and so when she comes to our house, she wants to be held. well, sorry to be the meanypants but uhh…..im not holding her all day. she better chill in the vibrating baby chair or the swing for a while. anyway, she cried from the moment my mother left until she came back. to top it off, she had a diarrhea diaper too. now, anybody that knows me knows i cant stand poo. i can barely stand to look at my own. i changed her diaper and washed her because she had poo going up her back. it was disgusting. i’m proud of my accomplishment….i can now change a shitty diaper without puking. i’m not going to front, i gagged a lil bit but no puke. i need to get a little more patience before i have my own child. i have a year to work on it because in 2007, i will be getting prego before my ovaries look like raisins and my hair turns gray. i don’t want to be 35 years old trying to get pregnant. that’s too damn old for me. at 35, i don’t want to chase a toddler around. fugga that. next…..i’ve been hella irritable today. maybe its because i didn’t get to sleep until 11 like i usually do. people keep plucking my nerves and campaigning for a verbal lashing. i’m tired of not being able to do what i want and i refuse to believe that i cant. that mess applies to every one else. i refuse to have a work then home routine. i refuse to be boring. i refuse to just exist. in the words of matt white…..”i do what i want to do…you do what you can.” i wont stop until i get what i want. in a minute…..peace and freelance....the artist now known as prolific....out.

spirits.....its been a long time, almost a month since i have written here. i have been busy trying to make since out of my life and trying my hardest to enjoy the small amount of free time that i have. there is never enough time to do what i want to do because my life is filled with things that i dont want to do but i have to do....dishes, work, laundry, etc. i guess thats life unless you are born rich and dont have to work for a living. i would love to go shopping all day and have time to take knitting classes and go to culinary school but bills have to be paid. having an assistant would be good...then maybe instead of doing my laundry or worrying about cleaning my room, i could focus on my businesses. anyway, i havent written in a while mainly because i have been LIVING. not to say that i wasnt living before but recently ive been going out and doing things. ive been stepping out of my batcave better know as my room and i have been enjoying myself. i dont even know where to begin. me and miss dubb have been going to a bar almost every week for the past month. ive realized that my tolerance for alcohol is higher than i thought. the night i drank a cosmopolitan and a bahama mama i was standing on the line between tipsy and drunk. i try to drink something different every time but miss dubb always has to have her strawberry punk drink....lmao. tastes like frozen strawberry koolaid with whipped cream on top if ya ask me. ive learned that bartenders can be some ol shammin mofos. i ordered a long beach iced tea which is supposed to have the same amount of liquor as a long island iced tea but it has cranberry juice instead of cola. there is even a 2 drink maximum with it. that drink did absolutely nothing. that night was just a bad night tho....my sandwich wasnt right, the drinks sucked, dubb's girlfriend called her actin like i want dubb *sidenote...steppin to the mic* chics need a life, seriously. i dont want ya girl....we are just FRIENDS. 2 chics can be friends and not fuck. im not attracted to her like that...she is like my brova yo and unlike most females that you know, i have morals. i dont fuck just anyone and i DONT fuck my friends. commitment is a prerequisite of cream's panties droppin 400(sorry kiddies, no freshman courses offered ova here....upperclassmen only). if you have to worry about her strayin, maybe you have some insecurity issues you need to deal with. *droppin the mic* aayyyye dubb....i had that clip of the dog from family guy dancing a long time ago. it makes me think about us in the grocery store now...lmaoooo. next....ive realized that as social as i have been lately, im still anti-social. i dont want to talk half of the time. if i could go all day on mute, i would. my job requires that i talk to people and my fam wants to talk to me constantly so thats not an option. maybe one day. time for me to go back to the ol' j-o-b....peace and bahama mamas....the artist formally known as cream...out.

not again......its been a while, i know. i felt this sudden urge to write and here i am. ive had a fever averaging 103 degrees for the past 2 days. working for the police department hasnt been good for my health. this is the 3rd time ive been sick since christmas. people keep telling me to get a flu shot next year but im entirely too paranoid to get one. i dont know what they are injecting into my system. might be something that could potentially harm me in the long run. i look at it this way, my mother gets one every year and she still gets sick so what does that say about a friggin flu shot? im tired of blowing my nose, coughing like im about to vomit my left lung at any given moment, and these damn body aches and chills that feel like ive been doing 5011 hours of strength training in antartica. if i knew the person that gave me these horrible germs, i would shank them repeatedly with a rusty butterknife.

exactly a week ago, my womyn would make a mistake that has tainted our relationship. she didnt cheat but she disrespected me and our relationship. a week later, im still a lil pissed about the whole situation, im not going to front. i almost said eff it and broke up with her. now, in prior relationships, i would have been upset but never considered ending it. ive grown a bit wiser....especially after being in a relationship with a womyn that i was not happy with AT ALL. i dealt with all her bullshit because i loved her. well ladies and gentlemen, there is a thin line between love and stupidity. my name is prolific and i am a former habitual line stepper. neva again. its takes more than love to keep a relationship together. anyway, my womyn is definitely on probation. everything aint "all good" like it was before her fuck up. i forgive but i dont forget. keep one eye open when you sleep homie.

this coughing is getting on my last good nerve. i got up at 3 am, choking. i got up, walked to the kitchen, took a gulp of absolut and went back to sleep. if you dont have cough syrup, take a swig of liquor. it will clear up any congestion and you'll sleep like a baby. ok....time for anotha swig. in a minute......

inspired by a blog i read***

am i less conscious because......

* i work for "the man"

* i did not attend or desire to attend a hbcu

* my perfume collection consists of more than patchouli, egyptian musk, and nag champa oils

* nothing in my wardrobe comes from a thrift store

* i think some poets are so stuck on being "deep" that their content sucks monkey's scrotum

* id rather eat chitlins smothered in hot sauce than tofu

* i listen to project pat more than miles davis (im a big coltrane fan tho)

* i think the revolution wont be televised.....and the way things are going now, it probably wont happen

* i am a lesbian therefore ruining the "black family"

* sometimes......id rather eat pussy than talk about politics

* i call women bitches....i dont mean it in a bad way unless there is an adjective in front of it

* i believe real hip hop is on life support

*i think bacon egg and cheese biscuits are hot fire

*i dont wear headwraps

*i dig designer labels

* i think toni morrison is overrated

* i like to look at half naked women in a not so artistic way (strippers)

* i usually greet people with "sup" instead of "peace"

*i dont have to find a "deep" meaning in every friggin thing



hmmm.....am i?

part 2 comin soon...........

CAPRICORN WOMAN

A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, a woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.

She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If
she does not like someone, she will not comment or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.

She hates plastic and artificial flowers because they make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flowers and the scent. She loves a guy who wears after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wears your Jeans one month before washing, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.

She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too.

She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. Better not to see her getting mad, especially in public when she feels like loosing face. She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very neat, so never rush her for this matter.

She has her own
goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certificate shown. If you cannot show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.

She does not like a dreamer who talks about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happen. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good for you", because she will do what she wants to do only.

She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her , try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date.

She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She
will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you loose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do.

She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappointed. She has high hopes and a high faith and believes in her own self than believing in "Luck".

If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be pleased. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".

THE 10 LAYERS:

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE.
name: prolific
birthdate: 1/15
birthplace: D.C.
Current location: V.A.
eye color: Brown
hair color: Reddish brown
righty or lefty: Righty
zodiac sign: Capricorn

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE.
-your heritage:
-what shoes did you wear today: None yet.
-your fears: Failure, Horses, Bees
-your perfect pizza: A Sicilian Meat Lovers, light sauce, with extra cheese

-goal you'd like to achieve in life: Happiness and financial comfort.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
-your most overused phrase: How bout no.
-first thought waking up: What do I have to do today?
-your best physical feature: My lips....I hear they are rather sexy. My eyes are second tho....I got sleepy light brown eyes.

-your bedtime: Whenever I decide to chill with Deacon Sheets and Pastor Pillows.
-your most missed memory: INNOCENCE.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK.
-pepsi or coke: Pepsi
-mcdonald's or burger king: McDonalds....that dolla menu is my friend.
-single or group dates: single
-adidas or nike: damn...that's a difficult one <-- i agree
-lipton tea or nestea: lipton
-chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
-smoke: Nopers
-curse: Like a sailor.
-take a shower: Love 'em.
-have a crush(es): Nope.
-think you've been in love: I know I have.
-like(d) high school: Not really.
-want to get married: Yes and no.
-believe in yourself: Yep.
-get motion sickness: Yep.
-think you're a health freak: Nope.
get along with your parents: For the most part.
-like thunderstorms: Yeah, even tho I'm scared of lightning.


LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH.
-drank alcohol: Yep.
-gone to the mall: Yep.
-been on stage: Nope.
-eaten sushi: Yep, 2 days ago.
-been dumped: Nope.
-gone skinny dipping: Nope.
-dyed your hair: Nope.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER.
-played a game that required removal of clothing: Yep.
-gotten beaten up: Nope.
-changed who you were to fit in: Nah.

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER.
-age you hope to be married: *silence*
how do you want to die: Old as hell, happy, surrounded by family, and in my sleep.

LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY.
-best eye color: A real, non contact lens-induced one.
-best hair color: Doesn't matter, as long as it's within reason.
-height: Doesn't matter.

-best first date location: Somewhere nice. *shrugs* I don't really care.
-articles of clothing: Ones that fit properly.

LAYER TEN: YOUR NUMBERS.
-number of people you trust: Hmmmm....3.
-number of cd's i own: Too damn many.
-number of piercings: 3
-number of tattoos: 2.
-number of times been on tv: None.
-number of times in the newspaper: 3.
-number of scars on my body: Too many to count.
-number of things in my past that i regret: None, really.