chapter 1........i despise you for all the feelings that you have ignited in my heart...anger and bitterness to name a few. most of all...i feel love and hatred for you all simultaneously. i dont even know why i love you in the first place. i love you and i despise you at the same time...why have i allowed you to make me feel like this....i feel so fuckin dumb....so damn stupid for allowing you to be in my life at all. why do i keep going back when its obvious that you dont give a fuck about me or my feelings? why do i keep forgiving when the issues keep repeating themselves? why did i ever give my heart to you in the first place? all i can come up with is....i was dumb for loving you. i was stupid as hell for caring about you. im tired of crying...being unhappy...being your jester...someone you pick up and put aside at your leisure...you know what....fuck despising you...i hate you. despise is not the right adjective to describe the what i feel. hate is a better word choice. i thought shit would be different...blah blah blah....but it aint. promises, promises. promises are like babies....easy to make but hell to deliver. you have hurt me for the last time. its not healthy to walk into oncoming traffic and not care. its not healthy to drink every damn day. i refuse to lose any more sleep....any more of my time....any more love....on a fucked up individual as yourself. so fuck you and the womb you came from. aint no peace today.....cream is definitely out.

black & mild.....im sittin here, listenin to tweet, smoking a black (my first time and its not as bad as i thought...its quite relaxing), thinking before i have to go to my meeting with my french professor. i have reached the lowest point in my life and right now it appears that it is my highest point. its only an illusion. i finally got a job. im still in school when most of my fam told me that i wouldnt last a semester. im just going through some things that i really need to work out ASAP because i believe that they will contribute to my downfall. i know i am not the only one stressed out...most of my friends are stressed as well and usually i am the one that they talk to when things are going good. i cant be there for them until i take care of myself. a lot of the problems that i have as far as my fam is concerned, could have been prevented if i put myself first. next...i have totally slacked up on my writing. i have read some the pieces i have wrote in the past and compared them to the pieces now....they arent on the same level. writing is kinda like working out. if you slack off...you lose strength and endurance. i used to write all the time, about anything, for hours...now, i sit with my pen in my hand and stare at the paper. writing is what keeps me sane....not saying that i am not sane now...im just not at as at peace as i was when i was writing everyday. next....im in love...im sure yall already know that. being in a long distance relationship is stressful especially if you dont know when you are going to see your mate again. im in that position plus i am working so that doesnt leave much time on the phone....she has a job and kids, so by the time i get home from work, she is in the bed sleep. i have been kinda mean lately because im going through so much. there are a lot of things i havent told her and i have expected her to understand how i feel but how can i, if she doesnt know whats wrong? we really need to sit down and have a talk about the whole situation...but when? i need to see her....soon. next...i am starting another blog in addition to this one. its going to be focused on my work (written as well as visual). it should be up soon...i have to work on a layout. well...i need to go talk to my professor. *puttin my black out* in a minute....peace....cream out.

work it girl.......day 2 of my new job....i like it so far. its cool...i laugh at lot when i am at work. there is a lady in my training class that asks 50 billion questions...wont even let the man teach the class. she asks questions that the teacher is going to answer for us when he gets to that particular topic. there is not 10 minutes that goes by that she doesnt ask a question. then, there is a dude that i think is kinda disturbed...he has the answer for everything. i think they need to team up. i need to start taking me something to eat with me because all i drink is water and a cup of gevalia coffee to keep me awake. today we went over computer basics...when i say basics, i mean basics. like....what is software and hardware? i was fighting sleep. thank the most high for coffee. next....im maaaad frustrated. i shed a couple of tears when i came home...im feeling a lot of things at 1 time. im happy because i finally got a job which means i will have some money. im frustrated because i feel like im being taken for granted. im happy because i am finally doing big things and i am doing them by myself. im upset because by the time i get home, everybody i know is sleep and i get frustrated because i want to be listened to. i want someone to be as attentive to me as i am to other peeps. like i always say....what i want and want i am experiencing dont always meet. anyway, im happy because i am losing weight...my pants are starting to get loose. im happy most of all because i am alive and my life could be a lot worse than what it is. next...i need some food...bad. im finna go to taco bell. in a few minutes.....peace.....cream out.

the word of the day is.......j-o-b....and i finally have one. *all praises due to the most high* a friend of mine told me to go apply at this place that she had just got hired on at. its a phone center....basically its helping people with their internet service over the phone. no telemarketing. so, i decided to go peep it yesterday. after filling out the application, taking a stupid test, and getting interviewed....i got hired. the interview wasnt even an interview....the lady talked about her fam the whole time. fine by me...just give me a job. i start monday at 3. i work from 3-11:30 for a week of training. after that, i think my hours will be shorter. i am so excited. i finally got a real job. i know its going to be hard going to school full time on top of working but i can handle it. yesterday i went shopping for some "business casual" clothes. i dress like a tomboy most of the time...jeans and t-shirts. this is going to be a new experience for me. i bought a couple of things but i definately need some more clothes. hopefully, diallo will get out of his girlfriend's ass long enough to take me to the mall. oh...speaking of diallo, i dont like his girlfriend. she talks to him any kind of way...she is extremely jealous and stuck up as hell. she's cute....but she's not all that to be sweatin. he deserves so much better....he's like my little brother....i hope he realizes that she isnt kosher soon. i need to do some homework before i go to bed....in a minute...peace....cream out.

rain on meeeee......i got tired of the other layout. i saw a picture of the beautiful young lady named mona and it inspired me to do a new layout. i didnt want anything but her head on my page....dont get me wrong, her body is beautiful as well, but her face is what got her on my page. sooo, miss mona, if you ever read this, just know that i think you are a beautiful womyn and i hope that you are very successful in your modeling career. next...i called my father on my new cell phone when i was on my way to walmart. my brother turned 21 yesterday and i wanted to know why he didnt call....so i called him to get some answers. i dont know why i expected that this birthday would be any different from the 20 before it. to make the long story short, he said i always call him to browbeat over some bullshit. when i talk to him, i tell him how i feel...my feelings about him...and he called my feelings bullshit like i dont have a right to feel the way i do. i said "fuck you" and hung up. i almost cried....almost. i called my mother and we talked about the whole situation. everyday, for the rest of his life, he will pay for not doing right by his children. im going to let the most high take care of it and im going to live my life completely without him. he will never hear my voice or see my face ever again...my word is blood. next....i am still job hunting. all i know is i need to hurry up and find one because my money is getting shorter and shorter. i have things that i need to buy for myself....plus, i have to buy christmas presents. i talked to a friend of mine that used to work at this place that i have been looking at...she said she wishes she still worked there. after the convo....i am definately going to call and see whats up. next...its been almost 3 months since i have seen my womyn. im missin her like crazy....woo woo woo. hopefully, i will get to see her soon. i miss the way she touches me. i miss sharing a bed with her. i miss her holding me real close to her and her drooling when she sleeps on my boobies. i miss waking up in the middle of the night and eating junk food with her. damn, i miss her....especially at night. nights are the loneliest time of the day for me. anyway.... im going to listen to some coltrane and try to go to sleep. keyword:try. i havent been doing much sleeping lately. in a minute....peace...cream out.

toy story.....thoughts.....nothing but the sound of us breathing...trying to get my thoughts together....to find the right words to say how i feel....cuz i feel so many things at 1 time...but of course you already know that. today i sould like a scratched cd...can i be in your top 3...just for 1 day...nah, im fibbing....more than 1 day...i feel pushed aside like old toys on christmas day. call me back...ill call you back...snores...tears...and silence. i feel frustration, anger, and irritation all at the same time cuz i want some attention...some compassion...some open ears with an alert mind. everyday its a struggle....i want to see you...feel you...smell you...next to me...due to the long distance...i can only touch you mentally and this ringing piece of plastic is all i have. damn.

sittin here....eatin cold hot wings.....knowing i shouldnt...but fuck it. i feel like it dammit. i will be fasting this weekend. my body needs a break.

inconsistencies.......so far, this week has been pretty cool. i cooked for a bunch of football players, went to the gym, and ate korean food for the first time. things are going cool. what i want to touch on right now is something that has been on my mind for a minute. ive been getting angry a lot lately....and thats not like me. usually...it takes a lot to tic me off but recently...it doesnt take as much. my patience with people and my tolerance for bullshit is extremely low. if you dont have your shit right....step. what it all boils down to is this....i want to be treated how i treat other peeps. everybody that knows me knows that i am a very loyal friend. i will give you my last and do almost anything in my power for you if you are my friend. my word is blood....and if by chance i cant do whatever i said i was....you will know and i will do it at my earliest convenience. im a strong believer in "dont make excuses....make arrangements". do what the fuck you say you are going to do. that is one of my biggest pet peeves yo....people that dont do what they say they are going to do. *insert mean face here* as of late....peeps that i thought were down for me....turn out to be spurious as hell. now, i know why my grandma says "your best company is your own" really...to be totally honest...i am tired of people, period. i think it i expect too much...much more than people can or will give for that matter. if you are my friend....i consider you my fam. my friends know who they are....if i havent spoken with you recently....you arent my friend. so get on like ya been shit on. i dont want to hear about your issues...your drama...your bullshit....your life. i dont want to hear shit from you. aight? now step. next...the internet. same shit...different toilet. thats why i havent been posting a lot. i sound very gelid right now....really im not. im just tired yall. tired of people and the bullshit that comes with them and the internet. ok...im takin my ass to bed...i gotta get up at 6:30 to go to the gym. *thought* are there any real peeps left? in a minute...peace...cream out.

you're only a day away.......today was cool until i got to my damn statistics class. i hate that damn class. anyway....i wasnt there last week (its a once a week class)....i knew we had an exam today....i looked over my notes....and i still did bad. i forgot my calculator....had to run alllll the way back to my dorm to get it. i did horrible on that exam. next....woo told me that she would call me around 7:45...well, it was damn near 10:00 and she hadnt called me. my friend called me and asked did i want to go to walmart and since i wasnt doing a damn thing, i said ok. she takes all damn day....then on the way home, she damn near kills me. she turns right on red and a car skidded and almost hit us. i was so fuckin heated.....if that car had waited 2 seconds more to stop....i would be in a hospital somewhere. i finally got home and called woo. her daughter picked up the phone and wouldnt give it to her....so i know woo was sleep because if she wasnt, she would have answered the phone. i hung up. i call back around 15 minutes later...finally got to talk to woo and told her how my day was and attempted to hear about hers. so, im telling her about my day and she falls asleep. i havent talked to her all day....and when i finally get to talk to her, she falls asleep...then gets a damn attitude with me because i get upset because she is not talking to me. all i want is a conversation. after the day ive had.....i need a conversation with some substance....some encouragement....some laughter....some love. in a minute.....peace....cream out.

all cried out.......this weekend was.....stressful. i havent cried so much in a long time. i had been holding in so much and i couldnt take it anymore. i dont know when i will see woo again.....its looking like sometime in december. me not having my license and a car is putting a strain on me. i have to depend on other people and i really hate that. i want to see her so bad....its been 2 months. we talked about it yesterday and i cried like a damn baby. there is no compromise...she is tired of driving, i cant miss class, she isnt coming here, and im not coming there. i could....on the 30th of this month.....i could even pay for half of her plane ticket if she wanted to come here....but thats another issue. next....its 11:59 pm and i want a conversation. after dealing with idiots that call themselves college students all day, i want a real conversation. i want to talk....i want to be talked to. i want to listen....i want to be listened to. but where am i......in front of my computer with no one to talk to. nothing but the hum of my fan and the clicking of my keys. i could IM one of my peeps from yahoo or aim....but i dont want to. i dont want to hear about anybody's issues or give anybody advice....i just want an easy conversation. i want to tell someone how my day was and hear how their day went. i want to talk about something with some substance. basically.....da kid needs some verbal attention. next...i have decided not to pursue the job i was talking about....any job that says i have to miss a whole week of school cant be good. school comes first. so, im going to the little career services building and see what they can do for me. all i know is i need a job. i have money left from my refund check....but i know its not going to last forever. next...i have also decided to *ahem* go on a diet and establish a workout routine. i looked at myself when i was walking by a big window....i saw my reflection and i couldnt believe it was me. i have let myself go for entirely too long. i have tried almost everything to lose weight and either it didnt work or i didnt stick with it. one or the other. now, i have to because i feel every ounce of positive self image that i have...going away. ok...im so bored that i am gettin sleepy. in a minute.....peace....cream out.

i conjured this in the shower.....as i am.....baby, i love you as you are....from the golden frizz that stands like marine on your head to the toe on your left foot that you call decrepit....but its aight with me....you dont look like beyonce or ashanti....nor do you want to....you accept and love yourself for you and i love you....as you are. those child bearing hips that can birth tribes....the gap between your teeth that you stick the tip of your tongue in when you're vexxed....the tears you shed when your upset....the processes in your cerebral cortex...i love you....as you are. ill worship you like buddha...adorn your stretch marks with precious jewels because they are pathways to your heart...bow down and kiss your feet because you truly are a goddess...a rose amongst dandelions....a queen amongst chickenheads...even your flaws are beautiful...and i love you...as you are. © cream baby, 2003

happy birthday......1 year ago, today, i got up the idea to start my own weblog. so much has happened since then....some good, some bad, but i have learned from all of it. hopefully, i can get the archive link fixed so peeps that havent been around since conception can read the old posts. honesty, i didnt think that i would stick with it....im easily bored. it has been my venting spot. thank everybody that reads my thoughts and my ramblings. yall need to stop bein lurkers and comment. let me know whats on ya mind occasionally. next...i am coming down with a cold. my throat feels swollen....im sluggish and tired and basically i dont feel like doing shit. tgif!!! my plans for the evening are taking a shower and layin my ass in my bed. i cant afford to be sick....i have an interview on wednesday. pray for me....i need a job. i have already said when i get a job, i want to buy this, this, and a bunch of other gadgets. im startin to turn into a electronics fan thanks to woo. next...im still in a mood....its a little worse because im gettin a cold...maybe it will improve over the weekend. next...yo..i got my senior evaluation today. i walked in my advisor's office nervous as hell. he pulled out the paper that had every class i have ever taken and the classes i needed to take to finish. my magic number is 139. thats the number of credits i have to have to graduate...i have 92. which is a lot better than what i thought.....i have all of my general requirements out of the way.....most of my major's requirements done.....im 3 credits shy of completing my minor.....all i need is electives. so i have to take some classes not related to my major....which is fine with me. my advisor almost made me cry because he said that he was proud of me......ive come a long way. im almost done.....praise the most high. im proving so many people wrong. when i finally get my degree....damn yo....when i finally get it....im going to tell everybody that doubted me kiss mi rass. aight....im going to take a nap....peace...cream out.

here, my dear.......i am frustrated, irritated, and stressed. i want to get on a plane (i would get up enough bravery) and go somewhere....anywhere....peaceful. no worries, no stress, nothing but freedom. ive been in school for 3 weeks...and i am ready for it to be over with. i am burned out. my brain wants more....but my mind cant take anymore....feel me? i find myself holding my breath until the weekend and i know its not healthy.next...i stripped the rest of my perm out my hair is FINALLY natural. its been a long time coming but its finally here. i got stares and double takes today...all because of a damn fro. i could see if my hair was lime green...its just a damn fro people....glance and keep it movin. i took a quiz for my biology lab today and i got an A...yaaaayyy me. then i found out that one of my favorite artists is in the process of making his new album. glenn lewis is the bomb....if you dont have his album....you need to cop it. i listen to his cd regularly. ive been listening to marvin gaye's "hear my dear" album a lot too. that man was a genius...cop that album. next...to my peeps...if i am a bit anti-social...dont take it personally. i need a break....from everything. oh yeah...tomorrow is my blogs birthday....peace....cream out.

new du part deux.......its been a week.....i know. i decided that i wasnt goin to update until i got a new layout. i was on strike. i couldnt take it anymore.....the former layout was killin my eyes. it was so plain....so not...me. i worked kinda hard on this layout...still cant get my archives links to work (if anybody knows how...hit me up in the HOLLA commentary spot). let me know what you think about the new layout. next...my 2nd ex called me yesterday....twice. she was talkin the same bullshit...aint shit changed. woo called me right after me and her hung up. this is the 2nd time she has called me when something was wrong. i have never had a connection like that with someone outside of my fam before. its like, she knows without me saying anything. thats a beautiful thing. next...i am surrounded by children. well, thats what i get living in a dorm. its a bunch of 18 year olds around me...giggling, being childish and shit...i want to get a belt and whup all of their asses. i see why when i first came to college, upperclassman were surprised when i told them i was a freshman. these people are big ass kids. i want my own apartment bad. i need to hurry up and find a job...i gotta get to connecticut soon. i need a change of scenery already. im starting to get restless...its like, i am so easily bored and frustrated...dawn said i need to write....which is true cuz i have taken a LONG break from it. i gotta cut this short....i got a ton of things to do...ill holla...peace...cream out.

what a day...what a day.......today has been cool.....i chilled...didnt do much....found out i got a check for $1000.00. *cheesin* there is something that is on my mind.....so here it is.....me and woo were in the chatroom on bp....and someone says "lady_cream....dont i know you?" i look at the name....and i know who it is....my 2nd ex. just in case yall dont remember...she is the one that kept calling me after i told her to stop callin me cuz she couldnt respect my relationship. look in the archives....its there. anyway....a million and 1 things started running through my head cuz i hadnt seen her online and she hadnt called in a while. usually, she calls about every 2 months.....even tho i said not to call at all. anyway, she asked how i was and all that. woo was talking to someone else so she didnt notice. so, my ex asked me for my number. yo....i swear that i think she has my home phone number and my school phone number and she just asked me just to start shit. she told me that she had my addy and i remember writing my phone numbers on that exact piece of paper. none of that info has changed. anyway....woo im'ed me and asked who that was talking to me asking me how my fam was. when i told her....she flipped. she flipped in the damn chatroom. she called her by her name.....cussed her out.....called her all kinds of shit. everything that i told woo about her.....she said. all i could do was sit back with my mouth open. now that i have sat down and really thought about the situation.....im not bitter about what she did to me. she cheated on me....and that was that. me and her ended because the most high was going to bring woo into my life. i love woo.....more than she can ever imagine yo. i truly believe i have found my soulmate.....we may have little spats....but when the day is over with, thats still my wife. there is only 1 for me and that 1 is woo. now that i am not bitter, i want to ask my ex why she cheated on me. it may sound real damn stupid but i want to know why. i want to know why she did that to me after i had been nothing but nice to her? how could she touch me and tell me that she loved me and the next day, have sex with someone else? when i was talking to her in the chatroom, she said she has been through a whole lot but she didnt want to spill it all out in the chatroom. karma is a muhfucca aint it? about 5am this morning, my tia (my first ex) called me crying about some stuff that happened this weekend. regardless of what happened between us....we have remained friends. but yo.... i went through all this hurt and all this bullshit to find my soulmate. those 2 women put me through so much pain and bullshit yo....whether they know it or not....and i just want to know why. next.....back to my $1000 check....im finna buy every damn thing i need. keyword: need. ive learned from being broke dammit. anyway....im goin nite nite.....in a minute.....peace.....cream out.

azuuuuuuuucar.......i know the last entry was maaaad short.....i enjoyed the breeze soooo much. we had a thunderstorm yesterday....woke me up out of my sleep. i have always been scared of lightning....weird, but true. next....im just starting to be comfortable in my own skin.....i have always had a little insecurity.....but now its gettin to the point where im starting not to compare myself to anyone but myself. when i first stepped onto this campus, i was a totally different person. when i think about how far i have come since then....i always smile. i know i have some things i need to work out but dammit i like me a lot better now than i did then. this morning, i got up and looked at myself in the mirror...my hair was all ova my head. little gold curls were everywhere. for the first time, in a long time, i looked at myself and didnt see anything that i couldnt change with a couple of trips to the gym every week. yo...im not gon front...da kid gained weight over the summer....but dammit, i look good. im looking at myself with love in my eyes....thats a beautiful thing and beautiful, i am. next....da kid is still broke. what else is new? lol. next week i am going job hunting.....im tired of crawling. i need to get on my feet. next....i have been REALLY feeling her music. i cant understand a work of it....but i sing like i do. she is definately a womyn that i look up to....her style amazes me. well...i just finished dancing to la vida es un carnaval....i need a shower. in a minute.....azuuuuuuuuuuuuucar.......cream out.

electric relaxation.......im chillin....enjoyin the breeze....wonderin when was the last time that i stopped and actually chilled with a clear mind. yo...its been a minute. this feels so damn good. last night i twisted my hair after i washed it....big ups to this website.....i learned a lot. my hair is dry as hell.....i thought i was doing something wrong and found out that i was. now...its cool. i wish it would rain......that would set this day off.

a new du........like the new layout?? well, its only temporary. i just couldnt take the black anymore. too damn gloomy. before i forget....my blogs birthday is comin up. it will be a year old on sept. 12th......get presents from here. ok...next....i finally took my braids out and washed my hair. yo....not havin a perm is a lot of work. you are dealing with your hair in its natural state....so basically you are working with it rather than it working with you when its permed. i need some more hair products because mine suck......my hair is hella dry. i have to constantly moisturize it. when i finally get some money i am going to load up on hair stuff. if anybody has any suggestions....e-mail me (the link is on the right...da kid is too lazy to link here). next...it was 95 damn degrees today. it felt like it was 195 degrees.....my dorm is so damn hot. i couldnt afford the extra $700 a semester to live in another dorm with ac AND pay more to have a single room. cant afford it. yo...the peeps that live in the new dorms with ac...get cell phones instead of phones in their rooms. i was sooo pissed off until i realized that their cellys have a 30 mile radius. thats it. so, i couldnt take it home. i couldnt take it on trips with me unless i was going to walmart. so....fuck their cell phones....ill get my own dammit. anyway....back to the dorm from hell....i have been taking 3 showers a day. i feel icky all the time...that sweaty, sticky feeling. i hate that. so, i have to do it. these females on my floor dont wash they ass but once a day.....and its 95 damn degrees. i know they are stinky.....if i am hot, i know they are. *smh* nasty heffas. i found out the class that i thought was going to be hella hard....isnt going to be that hard. true enough...its going to be hard...but nothing da kid cant handle. im determined to make the dean's list this semester. im goin to work my ass off. next...me and my grandma had a disagreement about me being in school. basically, she said i should sit out and work for a semester....hell to da nah. that would put me further behind than what i am already. she thought i was failing classes and i was bullshittin around....i told her i wasnt but i guess she didnt believe me. so, today, she looked through the papers that i sent her and sure enough.....there was proof. a letter stating that if i was in academic trouble, i would get kicked out of the dorms. well...ummm...im still in this bitch...sweating like a fuckin slave....been here for 4 years. so...she called and apologized not once....but twice. yo, i forgive her but i damn sure wont forget. it hurt me that she didnt believe what i was saying....like i have a reason to lie to her. im grown. it also hurt me that she would think i would be fuckin up in school in the first place.....if i didnt want to be here, i would be somewhere working. school costs too much to be fuckin up. i love my grandma but i see things in a different way after all that. well...i need to be taking my ass to sleep....got a 10:00 class tomorrow. in a minute.....cream suga sprinkled caramel cupcake......out.

back to life........i know i know....its been a minute. da kid has been mad busy. i had to pack all my crap to go back to school and when i got here, i had to unpack. i am still not finished unpacking. ill do it this weekend. school is.....school. i am surrounded by a bunch of children. i am hot as hell because there is no ac in this building. i feel like i am in hell. i cant wait for fall to get here. i am ready for school to be over with already....ready to graduate.....yall already know that tho. next....i decided to stick with natural hair. when i went to ct this summer, i permed it. *tsk tsk* well, i am not perming it anymore. i think i look so cute with a fro. ill post pics when i take these damn braids out of my head. my sister braided my hair before i left and i swear they itch like a million mosquito bites. i need to wash my hair. next....me and diallo talked...he is going to take me to look for a job and is going to take me and pick me up from work when i get a job. i cant wait to start working. there are so many things that i need to do for myself. i have a list of goals on my wall and i am determined to reach all of them before this semester is over with. im not telling what they are.....too much pressure. i know this is a short post considering i havent written in a while but the kid is tired as hell. this day has been tiring. i just want to lay in my bed, drink a black cherry soda, and go to sleep. in a minute......peace...cream out.

its over........things are gettin brighter, slowly but surely. i just finished cooking (jerk chicken, chinese vegetables, rice, and cornbread) and now i feel relaxed. its something about cooking that relaxes me. i like to watch my brother eat my food.....he eats like he aint ate in years. he's picky as hell.....but i never get any complaints...only compliments. next...i called the state supreme court for cream this morning....got frustrated cuz they couldnt get me the answers i needed....ill call again on monday. i am determined to AT LEAST get his sentence shortened. i really hope he walks free. hope is a hell of a thing. next...its funny how people that dont even know you appreciate your work more than the people you love. well shit, the people i love take me for granted so i shouldnt expect much should i? i hate to sound harsh but thats how da kid feels......i am so ready to leave. august 23rd marks the genesis. next...my brother's best friend is staying over....he and his girlfriend got into a fight and her parents are looking for him. he says he didnt hit her....he just pushed her off of him....which i totally believe. his girl is one of those chics that gets physical when she argues.....she wants him to hit her. im not saying its right to hit a womyn....but if i were a man and a chic hit me in my face.....id have to bitch slap her ass. when i was with my ex...i never provoked the fights.....he always hit me first. i wasnt goin to let him beat on me so i fought back. this chic ripped his chain off of his neck, jumped on his back and scratched him AND spit on him. yo....i give him props for not hittin her cuz if it hadda been me....i woulda punched her. one of the nastiest things you can do is spit on somebody.....oh hellllllllll nah. let a bitch spit on me....i'll knock her damn teeth out. yes people....cream has a violent side. it only comes out occasionally when i am provoked and when it does....i would suggest you keep your distance from me. i feel myself gettin angry for reasons i dont feel like sharing....so...ima go drink some henny and go to bed. in a minute......peace.....cream out.