on the #9 bus......i was up all night....couldnt sleep, barely could breathe. all i did was sneeze, sweat, drink water, and piss. me and woo had a discussion....right before i went to catch the bus. didnt really feel aight...had tears in my eyes while i sat on the bus stop. i pulled out an old bill and a pen from my pocketbook....here's what i wrote: "cream's rambling at the bus stop"........uncertainty drives me insane. i know you cant worry about things you can not control...im just realizing that i dont have as much control over things as i thought. its like the most high tapped me on the shoulder, stood in front of me, and opened my third eye. i am seeing a lot weakness in myself.....im realizing i am not as strong as i thought. when it comes to people i truly love, i am sensitive as hell. its like, when i care about someone or love them....i give them my all....150% of me. thats not always the right thing to do and i realize that i am exposing myself to hurt and disappointment by doin that. the fact remains that i am a nurturing woman....i am happy seeing the people i care about appreciate what i do for them and if they do for me....they do. i have never been a self-centered..."what have you done for me lately" kinda woman. thats not in me at all. i just need to put my nurturing on pause....get on my john deere....let someone nurture me for a change....see who nurtures me when i stop.....see who cares....and let the rodents and snakes be exposed. i am also seeing an abundance of strength in myself....im realizing i am not as weak as i thought. i have been through a whole lot in my 22 years...most people would be in a psycho ward....but i survived...each day is a reminder that i am a warrior...i was born fighting and ill probably die fighting. trust, i wont take anything layin down...im not a punk...i come at shit with my fists up and my mind ready....and best believe, when the smoke clears, i will be the last woman standing. so, all these things i deal with day to day are the most high's reminder to keep my fists up...keep landin them punches regardless of how tired i am....cuz once i let my hands down to rest....the issues win, the fight ends, and i die. next....i got 3 prescriptions, my iron checked, and tomorrow i have to go get my blood tested for diabetes. am i shook??? hell nah, not anymore. the most high isnt goin to give me more than i can handle. if he/she feels that i can take another load on my back....he/she will bring it....its called insha allah and i trust his/her will. what will be, will be. all i know is, im gloved up...ready for the next round. peace....creamalicious suga baby out.