i am who i am, doing what i came to do, acting upon you like a drug or a chisel to remind you of your me-ness, as i discover you in myself....im gettin tired. newness is starting to wear off...the reality of it has presented itself. i feel so.....its like....expecting to get some manolo blahnik boots and only gettin a pair of payless plastic boots. its my bad...i always get my hopes up....maybe this time will be significant....maybe this time will be the last....maybe, maybe, maybe.....always them damn payless plastic boots. tired of wearin them damn boots...they hurt my feet....make me walk funny....an uncomfortable draggin kinda walk....dammit im ready to stroll. next....i walked to the library in the pourin rain. i stopped by the student center and got my usual mocha java and hot chocolate mix and went to the library. i spent 2 hours in there...im like a chickenhead in a hair store when i go to the library. my brain has been starvin lately. so has my notebook. my mind is constipated with words....they are in there....they just cant get out. maybe its because i havent been exercisin my brain as much as i used to. when i was little, i used to carry this pink stonewashed denim bag everywhere i went. its contents were, a notebook, my red pen, some candy (to deter me from chewin my pen caps when i think, which i still do), and 2 books (i read 2 books at the same time all the time). i would read and write all the time. make weekly trips to the library. i want to get back to that. my brain is cravin knowledge like it was when i was younger....so its time to get back to that. like my buddy artiste.....im goin to get back to me. back to my quintessential self. next...less than a month until i go home for spring break. of course....i cant wait. i have some things planned with my fam. cant wait to be in the presence of people that i know love me and care about me. people who value my presence.....who actually want to hear my poetry, essays, and my dreams.....people who inspire me to smile cuz i know that they only have good intentions and they only want to see me happy. people that are sincere in their words....words that are always truth...neva bullshit. people that are loyal to me...will ride with me on this journey of life and make me neva look back. damn...is there such a place and do people like that exist???? if there is and if they do......SPEAK AND BE HEARD.....APPEAR AND BE SEEN......cuz i am weary. out.