revelations from da redhead chic.....im 22 big baaabbbaayyyy! how does it feel? well, it feels kinda good. well, more than kinda. i praise the most high that i have seen 21 years on this earth. lookin forward to many more. my birthday was a day of deep thinking and evaluation. thoughts about everything from my weight to my father came up. i thought about my ex-fiance too. cream is his name....yes its a HIM. he is partially responsible for the woman that people know today. i know through all my shit, good or bad, cream is going to have my back regardless of how the shit turns out. when i was going through my "im goin to do what makes everybody else happy" phase, he encouraged me to DO ME. he supported me when nobody else did.....he had faith in me when i didnt have faith in myself. its like, he taught me how to walk on my own. when nobody else gave a fuck about lady cream, he did. and of course, my name came from his. anyway, i miss him a lot. he is the only male besides my brother that is in my space. i wrote him a letter tonight....i havent written in a while. there is no excuse except pride...i let my pride keep me from writing him. he hasnt written me in a minute, so i havent written him. he has A LOT more stress than i do, so i should have picked up a pen a long time ago. shoulda, coulda, i didnt. i did it tonight tho. i wrote him a letter and sent him some of my poetry that he loves so much. that is a friendship that i want to keep for eternity. i pledge my undying loyalty and friendship to him and i know he will do the same thing. we will always be thicka than water. a lot of peeps called me on my b-day. thank all of yall....its too many of yall to name on here. just know, i felt loved....even tho "cough" i didnt get any presents *cough*. its all gravy tho. i know ill get my presents eventually. its funny how people that read my blog and/or chat with me online sent me birthday cards or called me to wish me a happy birthday. damn near strangers wishin me a happy birthday and my father didnt call me, send a card, send a note, nothing. i was a little hurt....im used to it tho. like i said in a past post, i cant make him love me...i cant make him have a relationship with me.....he is a grown ass man and i cant make him do or feel anything. i am sendin this issue to my "lost causes" department. i will not allow him to hurt me anymore. i will not put him in a position to hurt me anymore. i always ask my mother....are u sure you werent messin around on my father? hopin she will say yes so there would be a possibility that this sorry excuse for a man wouldnt be my father. she always says no. i dont believe it tho. how could a brilliant, beautiful, intellectual, stunning, speci-woman like myself, come from a sorry, excuse-full, no good, man? next....my ex called me and woke me up. which is partially the reason why i am awake right now. the other reason is because da kid is gettin sick....nose is stopped up like whoa.....thats another topic. anyway, she called to tell me happy belated birthday. yo, i am proud of myself. i dont see her in the same light i saw her in when we were together. i see her like i see any other chic. no warm tingly feelins when we talk. no nervousness. no unfriendship like love.....just conversation. da kid has came a long way. say it with me...you ready? aight. YAAAAYYYYYYY. yall, as much as i would love to write some more....i need to try to go back to sleep (keyword:try). i have to get up for school tomorrow....maybe it will be canceled cuz of the snow!!! i doubt it tho. this university wont close for shit. ill holla lata. peace, love, and sooouuulll.