sparrow.....i know its been a long time since i updated, but sooo much has been going on. the queen has been busy. my job sucks donkey's nuts. the people that work there suck too. they are racist as hell...the type of people that are racist but they try everything in their power to hide that shit because they are at work. i see right through their asses. i have a funny feeling that before the month is over, somebody is going to receive a verbal lashing from me. i’m really not happy there. i’m on my feet for 9 hours a day, making and packing speakers. it sucks for real. i got my first check last friday and most of it is gone. damn shame but its true. i had to buy groceries because there wasnt any damn food up in this bitch. ty took me to the store and we tripped the whole time. this man was flirting hard as hell. ty said he was looking down my shirt. i had on a low cut shirt and my melons were looking right so i guess thats why. this mofo followed us down 3 isles because i was in the cookie isle looking for my niece some cookies. this bama tried to have a convo about cookies. smh. ty was leaning on the cart laughing....wit her bama ass. she said he winked at me a couple of times....*gaggin*. next...i went to the club on saturday. yo...i pay $7 to sit and laugh at the rhythmless people dancing. all i do is sit at the bar or on the stage and laugh. i may dance a little, but they play techno music so i cant do too much. shit, if i cant clap my booty to it, im not moved. *joke* i saw chay in the club. i was dancing and i felt somebody slap my thigh. i turned around like wtf cuz somebody was about to get cussed out. ty pointed to the left cuz chay had already walked off. she told me that she has a crush on me and has had a crush on me for a while. when she told me i was like................where the fuck was i when you had a crush on me? im on the short bus sometimes. if a mofo doesnt tell me that they like me, i dont assume shit. anyway, me and woo just broke up about 3 weeks ago. im single and not looking. plus, i wouldnt mess up our friendship like that. i value our friendship a lot. i cant go from looking at her like my big brova to my girl. that wouldnt work. next...back to me and woo breaking up. yes ladies and gents, we broke up. a lot has happened in the past year that built up to this.....a lot of tears, anger, arguments, and hurt feelings. i still love her but im not in love with her. she hurt me a lot in the past year and before we think about getting back together, i need to see if i can get past the hurt. its like im sitting at a stop sign in park. i need to decide if i should move forward or turn left or right. and like forrest gump says....thats all i have to say about that.will we get back together??? maybe. i dont know but i do know that if we do, it wont be anytime soon. i need time to see what i want and where i want to be. aight, thats enough for one damn day. leave a comment and let me know whats on your mind. in a minute....peace.....cream......out.

TMI.....this is probably tmi but dammit this is my blog and ill do what i want. now...i am horny as hell. maybe is because i have been feeling myself (not literally dammit) a lot more. ive been doing little shit that i havent done in a while like putting on makeup and shit. when i put lipgloss on and dress girly....yall should see the mofos who look at da kid and lick their lips. im damn sexy. i know i have my flaws but yo...life is entirely too short and time is too precious to stress about them. yo...i didnt know so many damn men and women prefer big girls. fuck yall skinny bitches!!! maybe i didnt realize uit because i didnt have the confidence that i do now. honestly, i dont know where in the hell it came from. i just woke up one morning and was like damn homegirl...you are sexy as hell. i guess being around positive people has a lot to do with it. next...i considering dying my hair again. its damn near summer and the dark hair has to go. the only issue is, now that im natural, i have to worry about the damage it might cause. when i was perming my hair, i didnt care because it was already damaged. i know that i have a head full of healthy, natural hair and i dont want to fuck that up. ill let it marinate a little more...the dye will be there. next...finally..after months and months...i saw my buddy nisha. i know i have talked about her before. check the damn archives. anyway, we couldnt really talk like we wanted to because ty was there. when there is a dom present, conversations are a lot different between femmes. we might all go somewhere tonight...im not sure. depends on how my friggin throat feels. nisha kept laughing at me everytime i swollowed because it was like i was putting so much effort into it. that shit hurts so bad. just imagine trying to swollow while someone is strangling you. thats how it feels. like i said...i would only wish this shit on my worst enemy. woo made a good point..me sleeping in an air conditioned house probably has a lot to do with me being sick. i dont have ac in the dorm...cheap fuckas. ill get someone tall to close my vent...my short ass cant reach it even if i stand on the bed. aight shit..this is gettin boring. in a minute....peace....cream that hasnt creamed in 3 months....out.

welcome to da noke......im finally home...actually, ive been home for about 3 weeks now. it hasnt gotten on my nerves until now. well...first of all, da kid is sick. i dont know who gave me this god forsaken germ but i wish i could give it back to them 100 times along with a kick in the ass. i havent eaten anything in 2 days. my throat feels like somebody is choking me and my nose is stopped up so i cant taste or smell anything. it sucks monkey ass. next...thanks to everyone who called or sent an e-mail to check to see if i was aight. im cool now. i was so fuckin stressed out with my relationship with woo, school, bills, me not having a job when i got back home....i thought i was losing my mind. it took me coming home, getting more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep a day, having my niece wake me up every morning, and chilling with my fam to get me right. my fam gets on my nerves...they do some foul shit sometimes, but they are my blood. i luh dem niccas. next...me and chay went to the club last saturday. we met ty there. i have talked to ty for about a year and im just now meeting her in person. smh...me and my anti-social ass. anyway....we had fun. i didnt drink *gold star for cream* but i did talk about peeps. i couldnt help it yo. this dude sat across from me, chay, and ty and tried to holla at me. ok...i could understand if we were at a straight club. we are at a gay club.....he knew that shit when he came there. so why in the hell would he think that my ass would be interested in his ashy tyrone biggums looking ass. hell to da nah. absolutely not. im a lesbian homeboy....i probably like coochie more than you do. i want to go out this saturday if i can scrape up some money. next week is all about finding a job....da kid is flat broke and got a damn cell phone bill. somebody send me $60. yeah rrrright. but fo real....help a broke sista out. aight...this medicine is makin me sleepy. its been real....in a minute...peace...cream out.

what once was.....is no more....and neither am i.

insomnia.......its getting late...nah fuck that....it is late...and my ass cant sleep. i have sooo much on my mind right now...i was inspired to write. well, 1 week of school left. next week, i take exams and then im out. im not sure how i feel about that. there are some things going on at home that i dont know if i will be able to deal with. plus, im used to having my own space. i like walking around my room naked and making as much noise as i want. oh well....next may i will be making plans to move into my own apartment and start my career. *cheesin* i dont know what im going to do, as far as my career is concerned. i just want to be able to go to work happy and make enough money not to live paycheck to paycheck. thats not too much to ask. of course, like i said in my last post, i want to be happy. truly happy...nothing like i am right now. at the present, im not happy with my situation. i know i talk about school a lot but peeps have no idea how stressful it is. to top that off, im going through some personal things with myself....like donell jones said, i just need time to see where i wanna be...cuz right now, dammit, i dont know. im in a state of confusion. i walk around with a million and one things on my mind. decisions, decisions.

time after time......im writing between coughing fits, blowing my nose, and scratching my eyes. its funny how you dont think about how you treat your body until you get sick. last weekend, i had a fever and felt like shit. i woke up with sweat pouring off of me even tho i was freezin. i laid in my bed and thought about much i mistreat my body. i dont work out to keep it strong. i dont eat right. i dont give it enough rest. hmmm...i wonder why i keep getting sick. i have decided to treat much better than what i have been. shit...its the only body that im going to have. next...ive been thinking about the past year a lot. i feel a lot different than i felt last year....so much has happened to influence my feelings at the present. i want so much for myself....but what i want and i need dont always meet. thats the theme of this school year. last year around this time i was so damn amped because i was spending most of my summer with woo. little did i know that the time i spent there would change so much. i got to see her in a different light. this summer, i dont know what im going to do..... my main goals this summer are to enjoy myself and get all the things i need. i want to put a new hard drive in my computer. i want to teach my niece to swim. yo....i want to do a lot of shit. most of all, i want to be happy. i know no one wants to be unhappy. im sayin i want to be happy because i have spent a lot of time being unhappy. its time for me to smile. aight....i gotta get some homework done. in a minute....peace...cream out.

Questions.......a friend of mine e-mailed me these questions.....

1. Your name spelled backwards. Maerc.

2. Where were your parents born? Roanoke, VA and Mo Bay, St. James, Jamaica.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Some pics.

4. What's your favorite restaurant? Chuck’s Seafood.

5. Last time you swam in a pool? Summer '02.

6. Have you ever been in a school play? Nope.

7. How many kids do you want? Maybe 1….maybe none.

8. Type of music you dislike most? Whining ass country.

9. Are you registered to vote? Yep.

10. Do you have cable? Yep.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Yep.

12. Ever prank call anybody? LMAO….hell yeah.

13. Ever get a parking ticket? No.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Yeah, why not?

15. Furthest place you ever traveled? Boston, Mass.

16. Do you have a garden? Nope.

17. What's your favorite comic strip? Boondocks.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yeah, unfortunately.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower in the morning, bath at night.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? The Passion of the Christ.

21. Favorite pizza topping? Extra cheese.

22. Chips or popcorn? Chips….popcorn makes me wanna puke.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? Black Cherry.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? WTF?? Hell nah.

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Nope.

26. Orange Juice or apple? Orange juice.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? My mother and we went to a Chinese food buffet.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar? Twix.

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? 2000.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Last summer.

31. Have you ever won a trophy? Yep.

32. Are you a good cook? Yep.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Yep.

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? Hell nah.

35. Sprite or 7-up? Sprite.

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Yeah, I worked at the movies.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Allergy medicine.

38. Ever throw up in public? Nope.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? Hmmmm.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yeah.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number? Yeah…MC Hammer’s 900 number when I was about 7. I wanted to know who pulled the plug on MC Hammer. LMAO.

42. Can exes be friends? Sometimes….depends on the day.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My girl’s daughter.

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Nope.

45. What message is on your answering machine? "Hello….this is Maliyah…Call Creamy back…I love you….Thats my grandma…That’s my Creamy…..Bye.

46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? Mango.

47. What was the name of your first pet? Shanka Pooh

48. What is in your purse? Orbitz gum, lip gloss, allergy medicine, my ID, and my cell phone.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Write.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? I woke up this morning.

all falls down......a new layout....same blog. decided to keep my baby. there is no more tagboard either. you can leave a comment at the end of each post. leave ya mark. alrighty....today at work....i was in a pissy ass mood. i didnt get a lot of sleep. everybody that knows me knows that i require at least 8 hours of sleep to be in a good mood. sleep is one of my best friends. anyway, my allergies were bothering me so i was sneezing and scratching my eyes all morning. then, the people got on my damn nerves. callin me with damn attitudes. if i hear "let me speak to your supervisor" one more damn time....ima scream. first of all, they arent even supervisors. supervisors dont take phonecalls. they are people that just walk around and take phonecalls when people are irate or when they ask to speak to a supervisor. 9 times out of 10, the same shit that i told them, is what its gonna be. if i say no, the "sup" is gonna say no. people like me like when you ask to speak to a sup.....i can go get me a soda and chill while you bitch and whine to the "sup" and you still aint gettin shit. how ya love that? lmao.....fyi...dont get netzero, juno, or bluelight if i aint told you already. next....i finally cut my permed ends off of my hair....just in case i forgot to write about it. da kid has a little fro. its weird cuz i finally see my hair natural hair color. its brown with hints of a rust color in it. its kinda cute but i know i will dye it again eventually. im anxious for my fro to grow. its grown about a half of an inch in less than a month so by the end of the summer, my fro should be a nice length. im aiming for an angela davis type fro. next....my mother is coming here next week to take half of my shit home. i cant wait to get the fuck out of this hell hole masked as a school. i graduate next may because of 1 fuckin class. pissy....i know. everything happens for a reason. im gonna go with the flow and TRUST next may....cream will have her damn degree. now, what i will do after that....im not sure. i just want to work, be happy at work, and make enough money to take care of myself and these damn loans that i am going to have to pay back. i want to go to grad school eventually....shit, i might get another bachelors degree. neva know. ok...im sleepy as hell now. in a minute.....peace.....cream out.

5th avenue.......dressed in pink, 2 ponytails on my daddy's lap...holding a needle in one hand, me in the other....at the table with my granddaddy eatin fruit....i love you...ashes to ashes, dust to dust, cancer ate my soul...tainted...back seats of cars, bars with long silver poles....you like that bitch...hands around my neck, tears, makeup gone, bruises exposed, innocence lost.....he loved me...i wont hurt you...trust me...trust me....spring baby...3 years...what's my name bitch...same name....circus clown...4 women...juggling...spreading his seed.....and my legs....trust me baby....you aint shit.....timberlands on my face...you deserve this bitch...salads and laxatives...slim aspirations...fat reality...such a pretty face...stained sheets, crying womb with crimson tears...no babies...dyke...broken hearted...eyes red...street lights...you are my sunshine, my only sunshine...i cant take this...stupid bitch...peace...of...mind...please help....just jump bitch....care..less...you know i love you...love dont love me...negativity...5th avenue never looked so lovely. (c) creambaby.

au natural......im baaaack. i needed a couple of weeks of reflection. da kid is cool now. damn, where do i start.....im in the process of creating a new blog.....i need something fresh and new. it should be up by next week. between working and going to class....i barely have time. next....i FINALLY cut off my permed ends. i was 100% natural on march 22nd. it feels so damn good. i feel different. all the black women that attend my school are weaved up or permed up. i stick out like a sore thumb. im glad im different. this week is gay pride week here. *cheesin* i missed it last year but this year.....ohhhhh boy!!!! i cant wait. im going to a drag show on thursday with diallo. im going to check to see what else is going on this week. next...my spring break was cool. my niece has grown up soooo much. i had a nice time with my fam. they are cool peeps when they want to be. anyway, i gotta take my ass to work. look out for the new blog. in a minute....peace....cream out.

let it burn......ive decided to go on a little hiatus....from everything, including this blog. i just need some time to reevaluate some situations in my life. a lot was brought to my attention this morning and i need some time to think about all thats going on. mi soon come.....in a minute.....peace....cream out.

lime green with no seeds.......friday, i did something real damn stupid. i got upset, let my emotions get the best of me, and i got drunk. i was upset, hurt, and frustrated all at the same time. i know...it was dumb as hell...how is drinking going to make me feel any better?? it damn sure didnt...i dont know what happened but i was throwing up from 2am saturday morning until 2pm saturday afternoon. i have drank a lot more than i did on friday many times and that shit never happened to me. i couldnt keep anything down. i even threw up water. gross huh? i felt like shit all damn day....all because i let my emotions get the best of me. i learned my lesson, trust. from now on, when something is bothering me....ill just crochet or something. shit....being upset and emotional gave me the bright ideas to start smoking and get drunk. i have made a vow to myself not to do either one again. all i do is end up hurting myself...and what does that solve? not a damn thing. shit ends up being more fucked up than when i got upset. smh...anyway. i have done a lot of thinking and evaluating this weekend. the only conclusion i have come up with is....i cant go on this way. i cant keep doing what i am doing cuz im just going to keep getting what i have been getting......which is nothing but negativity.....negative thoughts, vibes, and emotions. ill build more on that later....im going for a walk. in a minute......peace.....cream out.

spirits.......frustration, anger, and paul masson is a helluva combo. ill update tomorrow....most high willing. in a minute...cream out.

its a celebration bitches.......ya like the new layout??? it took me a minute to change up but it happened....finally. i wasnt really feeling the last one....it was too...i dont know. anyway, life has been cool. my valentine's day was a bit lonely, but i was used to it. its not like i have been with (physically) anybody on valentine's day in a longgggg time. i chilled in my room, drank some paul masson, and watched tv. woo sent me flowers and a naughty kit that smelled sooo damn good. im going to save the body dust and the kissing oil for our next visit. *thinking naughty thoughts* next....i cut 2 inches of my hair last night. it felt really good. thats 2 inches closer to the naps. i have about an inch and a half of new growth. i keep seein pics of womyn with nice fros and its making me wish my hair would hurry up and grow 5 or 6 inches. everything comes in its time so ill be waiting. i cant seem to do anything with it tho. its been in a ponytail for friggin ever. i tried twisting it and then rolling it with perm rods and the result was horrible, to say the least. i have to find something to do to it before i start cutting it some more. next...i sent woo a big box of candy for valentine's day. i really didnt know what to get her at first but then i thought about it....that womyn loves candy. she has a sweet tooth from hell. its messed up that she is a diabetic cuz she loves sweets. i filled the box with her favorite candy and she should get it on tuesday. i also sent myf amily a box. i sent gooty a care bear, 2 coloring books, and some gummy bears. i sent my mother and my brother cds and some other crap. i just wanted my niece to have that damn bear. i love her like she is my child. speaking of children, the topic keeps coming up about me having children. sometimes i can picture myself with a couple of kids and sometimes i cant. i dont have a lot of patience and i know that if i have a child, i will definitely need patience. then, more than likely, i would be living the life of a single parent. i know woo would be involved but she has 2 children of her own. the child's father would have some role in the child's life....but the way men are nowadays, i dont know. its not like me and him would be "together" in any way except for the benefit of the child. i have had someone tell me that he would impregnate me but im not sure how that whole situation would go. its a longggg way down the road so i really shouldnt be putting so much thought into it right now. the thoughts just seem to cross my mind every now and then....especially when i see my niece. next....i forgot to mention that i saw my father when i was waiting for my train in dc. i called him...not expecting him to come....and he came. shocked the hell out of me. anyway, he wanted me to go to his girlfriend's house with him.....i said no. its not like i didnt want to be around him...i just didnt feel comfortable leaving the train station with him. we sat and talked about everything under the sun. the more i looked at him, the more i saw me and my brother. i have his nose and his ears. i even have some of his mannerisms.....we both bite our bottom lip when we are thinking....just to name one. my brother has his eyes, the way his face is shaped, and the same build. i enjoyed sitting and talking to him and when he was about to leave me, he hugged me, and he had tears in his eyes. i was like.....damn. i guess seeing me grown up made him feel some kinda way. i didnt cry...actually, it was easy to say goodbye. speaking of goodbyes....i didnt get to kiss my baby goodbye. as soon as she helped me get my suitcase on the train, it started moving. she had to literally jump out of the train on some stunt shit. so, i didnt get to kiss her goodbye, hug her goodbye, nothing. i cried myself to sleep on the train after we got off the phone. when she came here in november, i cried myself to sleep when she left me. its funny how i can say goodbye to my father with ease, but when it comes to woo......its really painful. like i said, i have never loved someone so strongly in my life. anyway....damn this is a long ass post. im takin my ass to sleep....i got 4 classes tomorrow. oh yeah....if you didnt see last wednesday's episode of dave chapelle when he was impersonating rick james.....you need to find it and watch it. its the funniest episode i have seen. aight now.....in a minute....peace......im cream.....bitch....out.

blahhhhh......my trip was cool....i had fun. the train was cool. the way up there was horrible. i was nervous, cold, and frustrated. my train was delayed and then it didnt have any heat or a working bathroom. it sucked ass. i had to stay in penn station in ny for 4 hours....penn station sucked ass. i got to ct 4 hours late. i was so damn happy to get off of that damn train. my baby was standing at the top of the steps waiting for me. i was too damn tired to jump on her. we had so much fun together. i havent laughed that much in a while. everytime we get together, we laugh. we are both goofy as hell. i washed her locs and twisted her new growth. she looks amazing when she gets her hair done. i cant wait to do it regularly. everytime to see her, i learn more about her. anyway...i picked out my engagement ring while i was there. now i realize it was all a set up. i saw the ring she had her eye on...it was beautiful yo. i got fitted for it...my ring finger is a size 9. i have long thick fingers...hehehe. well, today, she showed me the ring she got. it wasnt the ring she showed me....this mofo is more beautiful than the first. i was cheesin like hell when she showed it to me on cam. damn...im fittna be a murried womyn and dammit that feels good. she gets on my damn nerves sometimes.....a thousand times a day....but i luh her bossy, attitude poppin, spoiled, ass. next...when i was in ct, i bought a notebook and 3 red pens. im trying to spark my writing again. so far, i have a bunch of doodles on the first page. ill have something worth posting eventually. i have a bunch of ideas but nothing put together. they are all scattered pieces of future poems. okkkk, im gettin sleepy. in a minute....peace....cream out.

all aboard.....im leaving.....im scared, nervous, and excited all at the same time. i wont get there until tomorrow @ 4:30. i will do a lot of writing when im on the train and ill update when i get to woo's house. pray for me......in a minute.....peace.....cream out.

when it hurts so bad.......damn....i miss lauryn hill. i wish i had her cd right about now....i loaned my mother one of my cd books and my lauryn cd was in there. anyway.....i am chillin at my desk....smokin a black and sippin on a glass of paul masson. i got a lot on my mind...here is a little of it. i have developed some unhealthy habits...smoking being one. i would have never thought in a million zillion years that i would smoke. i have thought abuot where these habits came from and i can only come up with 1 reason....stress. da kid stays stressed. if its not one thing, its another. good days are coming fewer and fewer at a time. the big question is...whats bringing me the most stress? i thought about it for about 2 hours and i still cant come up with just 1 thing. tonight, i layed on my floor and i asked the most high to give me guidance and strength to do what i need to do. i have never felt like this before...so confused and frustrated at the same time. i feel myself distancing myself from everyone, including my fam. when i shit gets really bad, i call someone. im trying to reach out to them....trying to let them in on this thing im going through....but nobody reaches for my hand. i think its best just to keep my distance.....that same hand that i am using to reach out can hold me up to keep me from fallin on my ass. next.....i picked up my train tickets tonight. it snowed and sleeted all day so the roads were slick. diallo took me to get my tickets and i was scared as hell. people were sliding all over the street....i saw a big dodge pickup truck sliding down the street and it eventually hit a pole. im staying my ass in my room all day tomorrow if things are not better than what they were. back to my tickets....i got them and it felt so weird. this is going to be my first trip by myself. i am trying to keep any pessimistic thoughts out of my head....i tend to think that way. im going up there to enjoy myself for a couple of days. i hope i do. so much has changed since i last saw woo...ive been thinking about that a lot. we are going to have to sit down and talk about a lot of issues. there is a lot that we need to discuss before i move there. next.....my mind is starving for something new. of course its getting fed with all my school crap. but damn...its like eating cafeteria food every damn day....some days, you want some red lobster, applebees, chillis, ruby tuesday.....ya feel me? i feel like i have been eating cafeteria food every day for 6 months. i want some real food dammit. ok....im going to read some of audre lorde's poetry and go to bed. in a minute......peace and nappiness......cream out.

struggle and sacrifice..........its a constant struggle. like i said yesterday, im having a hard time finding a way to get to connecticut that will be comfortable. she doesnt want to drive....period. the fact of the matter is....i cant drive. i never went to take the test to get my license....i dont know how to drive well enough to do that. no one ever taught me. so...i have no license and therefore, i have no car. i asked her if she would meet me in dc...that way i wouldnt have to wait in the damn train station for 6 hours. she said no. she asked why cant i get my aunt or one of my relatives to chill with me for the 6 hours. well, i dont want my family to be in my business. asking any one of them is an open invite to my business. i could ask my father....but my father is not dependable....i wouldnt expect him to be there with me. then i thought....would she do that shit for me??? would she catch a train here and wait in dc for 6 hours??? would she??? the answer is....i dont know. im going to go ahead and request the 3rd and 4th of feb. off just in case i do decide to go. if, by chance i dont go, ill just take my ass to work. right now, i dont know what to think about the situation. i really dont. ive never been on a train and i damn sure have never been anywhere by myself except when i went to new jersey and connecticut. ***UPDATE*** i just asked 2 of my friends how the train station in dc is and they said it is nice....it has a mall and a movie theater. yaaaayyyy!!!!so, i guess ill be fine. it costs $162 to take the train. me and woo are going to have a discussion tonight about the whole situation before i buy my ticket. i need a nap....in a minute...peace...cream out.

me, myself, and i.....i never thought i would feel a song by beyonce so much. once i took the time to listen to the whole album....its actually hot. of course, there are a couple of songs that i skip but the majority of it is real cool. so, if you dont have it, cop it. next......my birthday was aight. i didnt get any cards or presents. i guess thats a sign that i am officially old. i went to the mall and went crazy....i got clothes, boots, and perfume. for the first time in a long while, i didnt buy anybody anything but me. me and woo got into a real deep discussion...so deep in fact that we almost broke up. it all bowls down to the fact that we havent seen each other since that brief time in november. i need to look in her eyes with my hands in hers and vibe. i need to be touched with hands other than my own. i need to be romanced....i need to be shown that love is a verb. when i walk down the street and see people holding hands, it reminds me of what we cant do.....at least what we cant do right now. yall dont know what i would do just to hold her hands right now. this long distance between us is getting so hard. im really not sure when i am going to see her again...shit, a plane ticket is $936, i would have to stay in dc for 6 hours in addition to the day it would take me to get there, and it would take me a day and a half to get there on a bus. so, im stuck. its times like this that i wish that i could drive and i had a car because i would have been to see her by now. anyway....im really fed up with my job. its ok, i dont do anything hard but damn, its boring as hell and it doesnt require much intelligence. i have met a lot of interesting people tho. im going to stick it out until i find another job. i hope that i fnd another one soon...i hate dreading going to work. i used to be so excited about work. i cant wait to start my career...do something that i really want to do. next...i know i have been neglecting my blog. i used to update almost every day...then i got a job. i have slacked up on writing and as a result, my mind has gotten so damn cluttered. writing is like therapy to me. so, im going to try to update more. next....i have decided to go natural again. this time, is the last time. dealing with my hair is a task...believe me. i have damaged it so much it doesnt want to cooperate with me all the time but im working on it. i discovered the nappturality (nappturality.com) website and i have learned a lot. i hope i get a mentor so i can learn a lot more. eventually, i want locs. i have to get 100% natural first tho. ok...im getting sleepy. i have been sipping on paul masson and pepsi and im finally getting sleepy. in a minute......peace....cream out.

today is my birthday.....happy born day to meeeeee....im 23 years young. in a minute....peace...cream out.