u dont know.......i know i havent written in a while. i just havent felt like it in all honesty. my writing is directly correlated to my reading so if im not really reading, im not writing either. its not like i dont have stuff to write about because trust, i do. right now im feeling a mixture of anger, stress, frustration, and loneliness. i must, for my own sanity, get focused and make my situation better. i havent been this unhappy since before i left for college. im not happy with my workplace. the job itself is cool, the workplace is not. ctfu.....on a side note. im at work and im listening to pandora.com. if you havent tried it, its fantastic. my station just started playing "wu-tang clan aint nothin to fuck with". lmao. i thought that shit was so hard when it first came out. its making me crack up thinking about the asian people at the racial draft on dave chappelle. ummm, where was i? oh, my so called life. it could be a lot worse but hell, it could be a lot better. i feel like ive wasted the last three years of my life. i havent been as productive as i should have been or could have been. i should have had my drivers license. im determined to get it before kris comes here. i need to save but really cant afford it because of all the damn bills i have. my life seems to be going so fast but fulfillment is coming so slow. i want to do something have i enjoy and get paid for it. i think everyone does, actually. i would love to write or take photos all day.....perfect my art.....have time to read books and study my art. this square life is so not me, so boring, so bland. like eating bologna sandwiches everyday for 3 years. its a constant battle between the rational, "i know i got bills to pay, i have to have insurance, i have to have a 401k, i have to be a responsible adult" and the rebel...."i have to live out and pursue my dreams". i refuse to stop dreaming. if i stop dreaming, i might as well die. art is what keeps me sane....its what moves me...soothes me....eases the stress of long days....makes me smile even when the world seems to be shittin on me...art is my life. next....ive been in a relationship with kris for a little over 4 months. it started out rough....really rough. i spent 3 years off and on with the same person so when we got into a relationship, she was foreign to me. kinda like dropping me in the middle of mars. we are finally getting used to each other. easy conversation has taken the place of heated discussions that led to attitudes and hurt feelings. we still have a lot of learning to do but like everything that is great, it takes time and patience. ok, thats my update for a minute. gotta get my shit together. in a minute. peace and love....prolific out.