frus-tra-tion.....frustration is a helluva emotion. frustrations about work make me want to use alllllll of my paid leave...go some where new, see new things, meet new people. be new. sexual frustration has me entirely too familiar with my right hand. yesterday, i looked at my yoni for the first time in a long time. usually, i just wash it or stroke it. i never take the time to look at it....really examine it. weird, i know. most women dont know their bodies like that. ive decided to make it a point to know mine. anyway, my yoni didnt look the same for some reason. i guess my opinion of it has changed since the last time i saw it. its been abused...its had unwelcomed entrances...and besides the whole polycystic thing, its healthy. sometimes i sit and wonder if ill ever be completely sexually satisfied. in all honesty, ive never been completely sexually satisfied. ive had orgasms that brought me to tears and have had sexual experiences that would make the average woman blush but i have never been completely satisfied. im 27 years old....basically in my sexual prime. i want to try new things....ive been reading up on s&m heavy. i want to explore my sexuality and experience things ive only read about. ive havent been intimate with anyone since november of 2007. i think im wayyyyy overdue for some sexual gratification. my woman needs to hurry up and come out here. speaking of my woman, she is frustrated too. when i look at her on cam sometimes, she looks like she wishes she could jump through the cam and kiss me. talking on the phone while we are on cam is the closest thing we have ever had to a face to face conversation. this long distance thing gets frustrating at times. i wish she was here right now because i have a cold from hell and i know she would take care of me. buuuut....she is 2000 miles away. next....*sigh* my desktop pc is fucked up. the screen on the monitor looks like it has waves in it. sucks monkey's ass. anyway, a dude on the forum i frequent told me to buy a new video card and install it. praise moses for stimulus checks. came in just the nick of time. i plan to pay some bills with the rest of it. i was off this weekend and pretty much didnt do anything interesting. well, i bought a wig. lmao. yes, a wig. you could say me buying a wig is symbolic in a way. im bored with my hair but i dont want to perm it. a wig is a change thats not permanent...but just enough change to satisfy me for a couple of days. im going through this self image thing again. sometimes i think im the hottest chic in the world and sometimes i feel like crud. in all honesty, i think its the whole hormone imbalance caused by the syndrome shit. i think its time i start taking my birth control again. maybe that would help it but damn i hate taking it because its not like i need it for contraceptive reasons....its because i wont come on my period without it. it makes my boobs feel like somebody river danced on them. going down stairs is nooo joke. it doesnt help that i have to pay $30 every month for them. smh. thats enough for now. in a minute.....maybe 2....peace and love...prolific out.