namaste.....in front of my comp (of course) blastin joi in my headphones. suga you should know that i just wanna fly to the moon and even if you wont take me i know there will be anotha rocket comin by soon. this weekend has pushed so much emotion out of me, things that i havent thought about in years came out. i guess the zen thing is working. my mind is purging out all of the garbage from the past 25 years. all of the times i allowed myself to be violated and abused mentally as well as physically played in my head like a movie. its weird how you push things in the back of your mind and you think they have left your mind but they really havent. meditation is a helluva thing. the first time i sat down and meditated, my mind went blank in the first 10 minutes and then the story of my life played in my head. when it finished, i got up and wiped my face and blew my nose (yuckers, i know). come to find out, my niece had been knocking on my door for 20 minutes and i didnt even hear it. weird. my mind was somewhere else. the whole experience had me shook up for a minute. i wanted to call my bestest friend artiste but i knew she was probably at work since she is always at work. i already woke her up outta her sleep last week. i know she doesnt mind tho. she is my best FRIEND. not someone i call when i just want to vent about my problems or someone who just calls me to vent about their problems. we have been friends for almost 6 years now and never met in person. its amazing how we are so damn close but never met. whats more amazing is, we arent on the phone every 5 minutes. we dont have to be. we converse at least twice a month and if she tells me she is gonna call me back and she doesnt for 2 weeks, i overstand. i know respect her moodiness and she respects mine. *sigh* friends, how many of us have them? hell, how many of us have ONE? next...i took the day off to finish my project for my interview tomorrow. im nervous, but ill be ok. the worse thing they can say is no and its not like i havent heard that 5011 times before. in due time, someone is going to say yes. everything in its time. i know that i have been neglecting not only my business but my writing. my writing has suffered greatly due to the fact that i stopped doing it. i lost focus. in a way, im glad my business didnt start when it was supposed to because i know i dont know enough about it now and i knew even less when i proposed the idea. i want to perfect my crafts...my art and making my own products. in a couple of years, i want to be a household name. i want my books in your briefcases and on your bookshelves. i want my art to be hung in your home. i want my hair and body products to be a staple for your day to day routine. so, presently im working to become a better person, a better lover, a future mother, a better businesswoman, a better friend. in a minute....peace....the one who is better than sex, drugs, and hip hop, the one that took any half you had and made it whole, the one that put the motion in ya ocean when we were sailin in my bed, the one who put the pen to the pad of a microphone fiend....out.