daydreamin.....my weekend has been uneventful as usual. im starting to get out of my lazy phase. laziness gets you nothing. so, i got up and cleaned my room. hell, thats a start. i deep conditioned my hair because it needed it, BAD. as my hair has gotten longer, its gotten more curly. after i wash it, my hair looks like a mini version of kelis' hair. cant wait for it to grow long enough to wear it in a big ponytail. everything in its time tho. next...in my pursuit of living the life i want to live, i have lost focus in some of the things that used to move me. i used to read all the time. i need some new books to read. im so busy reading stuff for school or running around trying to prepare for graduation, that i dont really read anything except on the internet. i used to write all the time. yall already know im in a period of not being inspired and feeling unexpressed at times. its like the words are there, they form bits and pieces of poems, and when i go to write, they vanish into thin air. again, everything in its time. next...in the last post, i was talking about a certain someone that i was daydreaming about being intimate with. the daydreams havent stopped....but now, im actually thinking about what they mean besides the fact that im sexually frustrated and therefore, a horny toad. *ahem* i cant allow someone to caress my body and taste my essence without some kind of overstanding. i need so much more than physical contact with a woman. hell, i got 5 fingers and an imagination if i just wanted a nut. the next time i am intimate with a woman, i want our souls to kiss. i want something so miraculous and so beautiful that it erases all the wrong and all the hurt that ive ever experienced....even if its just for that moment. i want it to sooth the ache, thats all. oh yeah, and i dont want it to add to the fucked up experiences ive had. *shaking my head* im so tired of dishonesty and disloyalty. im tired of being in unfulfilling relationships. only i complete me...but i would love to have a beautiful accessory. *let than marinate for a few* back to the woman im daydreaming about, unless she shows me something more than what she's shown me thus far, intimacy between us will stay in my daydreams. she has shown me a lot about herself but i dont know what her intentions are. of course nobody's intends to hurt someone (unless they are a sick, diabolical mofo) but that doesnt stop me from thinking about what she wants from me. i have to protect my heart and my feelings because like i said earlier, im tired of the dumb shit. what happens between me and her remains to be seen. in a minute....peace and love....cream out.