stormy weather....this post might be kinda long so go get a snack, something to sip on, and get comfy. first of all, there is a comment link at the bottom of each post ("shout out"). sooooo...let a sista know whatcha think about each post. much love to artiste for showin me da bizness!!! you can still leave stuff in the tagboard thing too. aight...my spring break. well, it was ok. the highlight was meeting my stinka (ya'll knew i was gonna say that). anywhoo, we got to va around the same time. she went to the hotel to take a shower and all that. i came home, played with my dogs, and went a couple of places with my mom. stinka called me from down the street. i wasnt ready to see her at all....i hadnt taken a shower, started cookin, nothin. i was anxious to see her so i told her to come up the street. when i saw her car come up the hill, i got butterflies. she stepped out of the car and i was like daaayyyyuuummmm. she is so adorable and her locs are long as hell. she has the cutest babyface. i cooked jerk chicken, rice, and peas for her. to make the long story short, i really enjoyed myself with her. i have never met someone like her in my life. its like, we vibe so well together. thats my wife....i luh her ass. next..honey (ex #2) called me 50 billion times while i was home talkin bout she is goin to take me from my girl and she was goin to come see me. what part of "i dont want yo ass...i am happy with my woman" dont yo stupid ass undadig? next....home. i felt a lot while i was at home...a mixture of relief, depression, anger, happiness, and pain...with a side of bitterness. being there makes me feel sick. its a toxic place fo real. not literally....i just dont belong there. so are so many bad memories there....people, places, and bullshit i would like to forget. everytime i go back, it hurts me. its like, having a sore and everytime the scab forms, someone rips it off. i cant stay there and remain healthy. it has taken me soooo long to clean up all this shit in my life and i refuse to let home shovel more shit my way. when i graduate, i am moving to new haven, connecticut insha'allah. i love my fam but i am beginning to accept the fact that i cant be healthy around them either. i really dont like my mothers boyfriend...i have reasons to, believe me. anyway, he is supposed to be moving in to my mothers house in about a month. well yo, if he is there, i wont be. i love my mother but i dont have to live with her. she asked me how i felt about it...well, damn, what can i say? shit, its her house. so my damn opinion doesnt matter. so, like i said, if he is there, i wont be. i wont ask her to make a choice between me and her man, because as much as she says that she wouldnt choose someone over her kids, i know in this case she would. me and my brother are grown now and we have our own lives. so, she is goin to do her thing. of course i am hurt..but thats the way shit is. ***brief interruption*** the chic that lives beside me hasnt been home 2 hours and she is already fuckin. dammit. i bet her boyfriend was waitin to tap dat ass. damn shame. let me stop bein a hata. if my girl was here there would be no words but strip and strap. *gettin goose bumps* i hope my stinka comes to visit me before may. well let my neighbor know how good sex is supposed to sound. dammit. back to the topic...im slowly detaching myself from my fam. i dont feel like i can be myself around them. its like, everything i do is wrong. every damn thing. they have an issue with me bein a lesbian. my brother told my mother he doesnt understand why. my mother still thinks its a phase. aight ma....3 damn girlfriends is not a phase. as far as why....dammit i dont know why. thats just the way i am. would i intentially make my damn life more complicated than it is? hell nah. i have never felt this much...shit...in my life. im just tired yall. i feel like.....im walkin butt nekkid through a thunderstorm and there is nothing around me to shelter me...its rainin so hard i cant even see in front of me.....all i know is im walkin forward and im tryin to keep my head up but everytime i lift my head...the rain makes it hard to breathe...im cold, im tired of walkin, tired of cryin...yo, when will this shit stop?