lesson learned.....im wide awake when im tired as hell but for some reason i cant sleep. i got up and got online and read my horoscope for today. it said "It's time to make love work now that Venus is moving through your sign. Fortunately, happiness is possible as long as you don't expect a miracle. This is not a time for frivolous or childish romance. Instead, focus your attention on the practical side of relationships. It's better to sustain your feelings than to have them overwhelm you and quickly pass. hmmmm, i say. i dont know how to feel about my breakup. its been a week so its still fresh. so many different feelings at one time. the biggest one is relief. im hurt but im aight. nah, im more than aight...im great. its weird. ive never felt like this before in my life. You cut me deep bitch, cut me like surgery. And I was too proud to admit that it was hurtin' me. I'd never do that to you, at least purposely. We breakin' up again, we makin' up again.... ive never been hurt like this before in my life. it is like getting stabbed and having the knife twisted over and over but then finally getting the strength to pull the knife out and tend to the wound. ive cleaned up the wound but its far from being healed. i get lonely, especially at night. i cry, sometimes until i fall asleep. sometimes its just a tear here and there. i try to keep myself busy so that i dont have time to think about it. most of the time, it doesnt work. i have cleaned my room throughly, organized my drawers, files on my computer, and my closet tho. think ive done all of those things at least 3 times now. valentines day is coming up and it sucks being single for 3 valentines days in a row. thats life tho. you never know what tomorrow will bring or even if you will be here to see it. having health issues for the past month has opened my eyes. i just gotta keep it movin and LIVE each day...love more, laugh more, learn more. i still believe in love. like i always say, just because you have a nightmare doesnt mean you stop dreamin. i will still love with every cell in my body. i will still love passionately, like its the first time. i will still i still believe that my neo is out there. maybe she just isnt ready for me or maybe im not ready for her. at this point, im just lettin things be. ....I love you and hate you at the very same time. See what I want so much should never hurt this bad. Never did this before, that's what the virgin says. We've been generally warned, that's what the surgeon says. God talk to me now, this is an emergency......in a minute....peace and love...prolific out.