not again......its been a while, i know. i felt this sudden urge to write and here i am. ive had a fever averaging 103 degrees for the past 2 days. working for the police department hasnt been good for my health. this is the 3rd time ive been sick since christmas. people keep telling me to get a flu shot next year but im entirely too paranoid to get one. i dont know what they are injecting into my system. might be something that could potentially harm me in the long run. i look at it this way, my mother gets one every year and she still gets sick so what does that say about a friggin flu shot? im tired of blowing my nose, coughing like im about to vomit my left lung at any given moment, and these damn body aches and chills that feel like ive been doing 5011 hours of strength training in antartica. if i knew the person that gave me these horrible germs, i would shank them repeatedly with a rusty butterknife.

exactly a week ago, my womyn would make a mistake that has tainted our relationship. she didnt cheat but she disrespected me and our relationship. a week later, im still a lil pissed about the whole situation, im not going to front. i almost said eff it and broke up with her. now, in prior relationships, i would have been upset but never considered ending it. ive grown a bit wiser....especially after being in a relationship with a womyn that i was not happy with AT ALL. i dealt with all her bullshit because i loved her. well ladies and gentlemen, there is a thin line between love and stupidity. my name is prolific and i am a former habitual line stepper. neva again. its takes more than love to keep a relationship together. anyway, my womyn is definitely on probation. everything aint "all good" like it was before her fuck up. i forgive but i dont forget. keep one eye open when you sleep homie.

this coughing is getting on my last good nerve. i got up at 3 am, choking. i got up, walked to the kitchen, took a gulp of absolut and went back to sleep. if you dont have cough syrup, take a swig of liquor. it will clear up any congestion and you'll sleep like a baby. ok....time for anotha swig. in a minute......

inspired by a blog i read***

am i less conscious because......

* i work for "the man"

* i did not attend or desire to attend a hbcu

* my perfume collection consists of more than patchouli, egyptian musk, and nag champa oils

* nothing in my wardrobe comes from a thrift store

* i think some poets are so stuck on being "deep" that their content sucks monkey's scrotum

* id rather eat chitlins smothered in hot sauce than tofu

* i listen to project pat more than miles davis (im a big coltrane fan tho)

* i think the revolution wont be televised.....and the way things are going now, it probably wont happen

* i am a lesbian therefore ruining the "black family"

* sometimes......id rather eat pussy than talk about politics

* i call women bitches....i dont mean it in a bad way unless there is an adjective in front of it

* i believe real hip hop is on life support

*i think bacon egg and cheese biscuits are hot fire

*i dont wear headwraps

*i dig designer labels

* i think toni morrison is overrated

* i like to look at half naked women in a not so artistic way (strippers)

* i usually greet people with "sup" instead of "peace"

*i dont have to find a "deep" meaning in every friggin thing



hmmm.....am i?

part 2 comin soon...........

CAPRICORN WOMAN

A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, a woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.

She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If
she does not like someone, she will not comment or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.

She hates plastic and artificial flowers because they make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flowers and the scent. She loves a guy who wears after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wears your Jeans one month before washing, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.

She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too.

She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. Better not to see her getting mad, especially in public when she feels like loosing face. She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very neat, so never rush her for this matter.

She has her own
goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certificate shown. If you cannot show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.

She does not like a dreamer who talks about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happen. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good for you", because she will do what she wants to do only.

She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her , try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date.

She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She
will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you loose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do.

She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappointed. She has high hopes and a high faith and believes in her own self than believing in "Luck".

If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be pleased. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".

THE 10 LAYERS:

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE.
name: prolific
birthdate: 1/15
birthplace: D.C.
Current location: V.A.
eye color: Brown
hair color: Reddish brown
righty or lefty: Righty
zodiac sign: Capricorn

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE.
-your heritage:
-what shoes did you wear today: None yet.
-your fears: Failure, Horses, Bees
-your perfect pizza: A Sicilian Meat Lovers, light sauce, with extra cheese

-goal you'd like to achieve in life: Happiness and financial comfort.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
-your most overused phrase: How bout no.
-first thought waking up: What do I have to do today?
-your best physical feature: My lips....I hear they are rather sexy. My eyes are second tho....I got sleepy light brown eyes.

-your bedtime: Whenever I decide to chill with Deacon Sheets and Pastor Pillows.
-your most missed memory: INNOCENCE.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK.
-pepsi or coke: Pepsi
-mcdonald's or burger king: McDonalds....that dolla menu is my friend.
-single or group dates: single
-adidas or nike: damn...that's a difficult one <-- i agree
-lipton tea or nestea: lipton
-chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
cappuccino or coffee: cappuccino

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
-smoke: Nopers
-curse: Like a sailor.
-take a shower: Love 'em.
-have a crush(es): Nope.
-think you've been in love: I know I have.
-like(d) high school: Not really.
-want to get married: Yes and no.
-believe in yourself: Yep.
-get motion sickness: Yep.
-think you're a health freak: Nope.
get along with your parents: For the most part.
-like thunderstorms: Yeah, even tho I'm scared of lightning.


LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH.
-drank alcohol: Yep.
-gone to the mall: Yep.
-been on stage: Nope.
-eaten sushi: Yep, 2 days ago.
-been dumped: Nope.
-gone skinny dipping: Nope.
-dyed your hair: Nope.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER.
-played a game that required removal of clothing: Yep.
-gotten beaten up: Nope.
-changed who you were to fit in: Nah.

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER.
-age you hope to be married: *silence*
how do you want to die: Old as hell, happy, surrounded by family, and in my sleep.

LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY.
-best eye color: A real, non contact lens-induced one.
-best hair color: Doesn't matter, as long as it's within reason.
-height: Doesn't matter.

-best first date location: Somewhere nice. *shrugs* I don't really care.
-articles of clothing: Ones that fit properly.

LAYER TEN: YOUR NUMBERS.
-number of people you trust: Hmmmm....3.
-number of cd's i own: Too damn many.
-number of piercings: 3
-number of tattoos: 2.
-number of times been on tv: None.
-number of times in the newspaper: 3.
-number of scars on my body: Too many to count.
-number of things in my past that i regret: None, really.

in time......It’s raining outside and I wanted to say…rather I need to write a whole lot and quite frankly, I can not write as fast as the words come to my mind but I’m going to try. Today I had an epiphany….something slapped me in my face so hard my head still hurts. I’m still looking for beauty in myself. I’ve been looking at myself, highlighting the negative and downplaying the positive for so damn long. After 3 emotionally draining relationships with people that damn near sucked every ounce of self esteem and energy I had, I’m just beginning to regain my love for self. It blows my mind that I’m 25 years young and I have let this self hatred go on for so long. If you asked me a couple of years ago if I loved myself, I would have given you the “What the hell you think?” look and said “Damn right I love myself” Now I realize the love I claimed to have for myself was nothing but bullshit. If I loved myself, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to stay in those toxic relationships with people that didn’t have good intentions or my best interest in mind. You live and you learn, I guess. Now that I’ve recognized the issue, I’m working on it. The prerequisite of achieving my goals is loving myself totally. I know I will always have flaws, everyone does, but the difference between now and then is I will see those flaws as beauty, not as something to be ashamed of or something I focus negatively on. Everyday I walk closer and closer to self love. I know it won’t happen overnight…like my grand father used to say “Everything in its time.” I know that I’m loved but it does not mean shit if I don’t feel that way about myself.

Work has been really frustrating lately. My supervisor is not supervisor material at all. She barely knows what she is talking about. I think they gave her a supervisor position on the strength of her working there for 18 years, not because she was a “leader”. For my workplace to be a police department, it is one of the most unorganized places I have ever worked. If people knew how things worked behind the scenes, they would be appalled. I’m officially taking police reports and I must say that it is the most tedious thing I have ever done in my life. People think that the police department can work miracles. A man called me and asked if he could press charges on the people that come up to him and ask him for a cigarette when he is smoking on his porch. *sigh* He also wanted an officer dispatched to his house because of that. Now, there are robberies, murders, burglaries…all kinds of crimes going on and this man wants a police officer for people asking him for a cigarette. It took every ounce of will I had in my body to tell him politely that if he did not want people asking him for cigarettes, to find an alternative place to smoke and I could not dispatch a police officer out to his home if there was not a crime committed. Then a woman called and asked how many car seats can she have in the front seat. *screamin at this point* Moving on….I’m still thinking about applying for the 911 dispatcher position. I want to work at the police station for a couple of months before I transfer out. That would look better on my resume in my opinion. I’ve started writing again, as you can probably see. Its rusty but its slowly coming back. I carry a notebook where ever I go because for some reason, words come to me when I’m in the car on the way to work or while I’m taking my dogs out. At times, my pen cant move fast enough so I forget what I was writing. Instead of throwing unfinished stuff away, I’m keeping them. Never know if or when the words will come back. I’m just grateful that they are dancing in my head again. In a minute…..