cot damn....its a new day.....met her in february....conversed day and night....talked about her dreams, my stress, our future wasnt even talked about because at the time, i was gettin over a fucked up relationship with a cunt that shall remain nameless because in all honesty, im glad that i fucked with that cunt. if i hadnt fucked with that cunt, got fucked over, i would have never met....her. all the bullshit and bruises that cunt left on my heart kept me from opening my mouth and telling her how i felt. that shti remained a secret until a couple of months ago. anyway, she got a girl and by girl, i do mean girl, as in a fuckin childish ass chic. i admit, i was a tad bit heated when she told me but hell, a closed mouth dont get fed so that was that. i avoided her calls, wouldnt talk to her on messenger either. i took that shit as a loss and moved the fuck on. its not like i would have been ready to get on that level with her anyway. i was on some fuck love, fuck relationships, and no fuckin for me type shit. time went on, she and her girl broke up. we became friends again....well, we never stopped being friends its just that....im stubborn as fuck so i was reluctant to talk to her. she listened to me when nobod else would....mentally held me when i cried....consoled my heart to the point....this point....im not afraid to be loved or to open myself up a little bit....fuck that....im not afraid to be open with her. true indeed, im never an open book but im not afraid to allow her to read a couple of pages every now and then. it took me 3 months to admit the fact that what i was running from and what i was looking for, were the same fuckin thing. now, did that make any damn sense? i didnt think so either. what i wanted was right there the whole fuckin time but i had my eyes closed.....i wasnt blind, i just had my eyes closed. when i finally decided to open them, i realized all of the above. so now that my eyes are open and im no longer afraid.....im done bullshittin. im done running. im tired of having my hands full of past bullshit. im done with the late night conversations full of broken promises and unfulfilled desires (at least on my end). im tired of women proclaiming their love for me and how im so different and so fuckin perfect for them, only to hear some bullshit in the next sentence. im sooo fuckin done. she found me and stood by me even when i told her i wasnt ready....even when she knew that i was talking to someone else. she waited because she thinks im worth it. a 5 hour drive and 3 months of chasing my own damn tail has led me to this.....im officially spoken for. in a minute.....peace and love....cream out.