on the count of 3......my day was cool. for some reason my job didnt get on my nerves as much. ive been laid back all damn day. my moma bought me 2 pairs of heels this morning. im starting to have an extreme shoe fetish. actually, im starting to dress more like a girl. i even bought a purse!!! that is soooo weird for me but i needed one. outwardly, im more feminine but inside, im a little more aggressive. actually, a lot more aggressive. its cool tho....im with someone that accepts all of me.....the tomboy days and the prissy days....my moods, my flaws. everything. next....i just read something that not only made me skin my teeth....but laugh a lil bit. as all of my friends know, my friendship is golden. im not one of those fairweather, we are only cool when i want or need something from you type friends. my cypher has decreased a lot since i decided to cut my grass. i saw a couple of rats and snakes.....the queen can not live in those conditions. anyway, i will not entertain rantings about assumed information. so....if ya like me, you do. if not, thats ok too. if you want to be in my space, fine. if you dont, fine. either way, i will not lose sleep, i will not shed tears, i wont feel some kinda way about it......either you ride with me or get run over. *honkin my horn and chuckin the deuce* next....i need a vacation. lmao....i just started working and im talking about i need a vacation. i want to go some where ive never been....do some things ive dreamed of doing. everything in its time tho. aight...gotta go get some sleep. i got work tomorrow. in a minute...chuckin the deuce....cream out.

gooooooo......long time no write. been busy....workin and all. im still looking for a new job. this bank shit is not for me. its not like its a bad job....hell, i sit and talk to people on the phone all day. its just not something im interested in and it doesnt pay me what im worth. *sigh* the police dept. is in the process of doing a background check (i made it past the interview stage) and since i know my background is clean, im sure they will call me in for a drug test which will be clean too. (im a good girl yall) ill probably be working the midnight shift or an evening shift. if they are paying me good with good benefits, i dont give a fuck. i need insurance and some money to stack. i want to have money put away so if i want to go on a cruise in the winter, i can do it. or if something were to happen, i would be ok. i want to have my finances like my grandfather had his. next......my girl came here a couple of weeks ago and my mother showed her how to get to my job. she came on my lunch break. when i first laid eyes on her, i was nervous as fuck....im not gonna front. as much shit as i talk, im shy as hell in person. hell, shy is puttin it mildly. we ate lunch together and when i got off, we went to eat sushi. ohhh gosh....the japanese shit is not for everybody, lmao. i enjoyed my sushi while her and frisky were talking about the miso soup and salad. that damn soup smelled HORRIBLE. i wouldnt feed that shit to my dog. he’d probably sniff it and bite my ass for puttin some nasty shit like that in front of him and expecting him to eat it. the damn salad was nothing but lettuce and some kinda ginger salad dressing. i thought a salad consisted of more than just some damn lettuce. can a chic get some tomatoes and ranch or something?? HELL NO. the waitress told us that there were no other salad dressings and all they had was unsweetened tea, which pissed frisky off because she loves her tea. that chile doesnt do fountain drinks but she did yesterday. dora ordered chicken and shrimp teriyaki and frisky ordered chicken teriyaki. lmao....it was good from what i tasted from hers but uhhh.....that salad and that soup was not hot fire. then, me and dora (her nickname is dora because she looks like a damn mexican and ummm....she is an explorer, heheheh) went to the club. i had on a pair of black cargo pants, a black corset, a black shirt on top of my corset that i left open, and some black heels. i picked my fro out and it was huge. i looked like a blaxploitation character. dora was lookin sessi in her khaki cargo pants, bob marley shirt, and a pair of tims. *sigh* anyway, we walked in the club and it was deep as hell. to be so fuggin lame, the club was deep. we walked around and i saw this chic point at me so i looked like "who in the hell is this chic pointin at?" why in the sam ham from the boonies was it that cunt (ty) and her girl?" she said "your hair is huge!!" i introduced her to dora and that cunt looked like she wanted to shank my girl. the cunt and her girl followed us around the fuggin club all night. smh. when we got up and dance, they did. when we kissed, they kissed. ummmm...was supposed to feel some kinda way about that??? *LMAO* i had a lot of fun when she was here. my fam digs her a lot. my sister likes her too. i cooked while she was here too. i made a pork roast, mac and cheese (not that box shit either), string beans, and my sister made bbq chicken. mayn, she looked so damn happy when i sat her plate in front of her. she is supposed to be coming back here next month. next....a lot of people that were close to me arent speaking to me now. it bothers me because they were a part of my space. i allowed them in and they stopped talking to me because i chose to be with dora. me and india have been tight for sooooo damn long. she was there for me when i needed someone to listen to me and i was there for her as well. now, she wont talk to me. i thought our friendship was stronger than that. next.....i made the new layout last night. i had to....the other one was gettin old. im working on dora's layout now. the creative bug has bit me in the ass. im off to enjoy the rest of my day off. in a minute.....maybe 2....peace and LOYALTY.....cream out.

cot damn....its a new day.....met her in february....conversed day and night....talked about her dreams, my stress, our future wasnt even talked about because at the time, i was gettin over a fucked up relationship with a cunt that shall remain nameless because in all honesty, im glad that i fucked with that cunt. if i hadnt fucked with that cunt, got fucked over, i would have never met....her. all the bullshit and bruises that cunt left on my heart kept me from opening my mouth and telling her how i felt. that shti remained a secret until a couple of months ago. anyway, she got a girl and by girl, i do mean girl, as in a fuckin childish ass chic. i admit, i was a tad bit heated when she told me but hell, a closed mouth dont get fed so that was that. i avoided her calls, wouldnt talk to her on messenger either. i took that shit as a loss and moved the fuck on. its not like i would have been ready to get on that level with her anyway. i was on some fuck love, fuck relationships, and no fuckin for me type shit. time went on, she and her girl broke up. we became friends again....well, we never stopped being friends its just that....im stubborn as fuck so i was reluctant to talk to her. she listened to me when nobod else would....mentally held me when i cried....consoled my heart to the point....this point....im not afraid to be loved or to open myself up a little bit....fuck that....im not afraid to be open with her. true indeed, im never an open book but im not afraid to allow her to read a couple of pages every now and then. it took me 3 months to admit the fact that what i was running from and what i was looking for, were the same fuckin thing. now, did that make any damn sense? i didnt think so either. what i wanted was right there the whole fuckin time but i had my eyes closed.....i wasnt blind, i just had my eyes closed. when i finally decided to open them, i realized all of the above. so now that my eyes are open and im no longer afraid.....im done bullshittin. im done running. im tired of having my hands full of past bullshit. im done with the late night conversations full of broken promises and unfulfilled desires (at least on my end). im tired of women proclaiming their love for me and how im so different and so fuckin perfect for them, only to hear some bullshit in the next sentence. im sooo fuckin done. she found me and stood by me even when i told her i wasnt ready....even when she knew that i was talking to someone else. she waited because she thinks im worth it. a 5 hour drive and 3 months of chasing my own damn tail has led me to this.....im officially spoken for. in a minute.....peace and love....cream out.

5 minute update.....just a quick update. im at work, as normal. my weekend was cool..busy as hell, but cool. i went to dc to see my grandma and do some yard work for her. it felt good to see her. my aunt has a computer that i want sooooo bad. a new computer will be my next big purchase. sunday, i cleaned my room since i got a new bookshelf. i had no idea that i had so many books. all of my books couldnt fit on the damn shelf. my room looks so damn pretty now. i just have to paint and get a desk for my computer and it will be perfect. next....today marks the 1 year anniversary of my celibacy. a year is enough yo. lmao. ive been a good girl for too damn long. i wanna be bad. i was thinking....ive never done anything really bad. i mean, some people would say that me being a lesbian is horrible but who gives a hairy rat's nuts what they think. ima good girl dammit. anyway, i want to have fun now. ive been cautious, ive been careful, and what has it gotten me?? BOREDOM. im soooo ready to start living. while im at work being bored, im going to write a list of things that i want to do in the next 2 years. ill post the list in a few. damn...lunch hour is over. in a minute....peace and life....cream out.

random thoughts @ work #2343728......
1. jess is my buddy...work sucks when she isnt here. 2. as long as jess doesnt fart, we will remain cool.
3. if this chic farts....ima shank her.
4. this is so damn boring *sigh*
5. its not 5:00 yet? dammit.
6. hooters for lunch sounds yummy.
7. that could be taken 2 ways....hehehehe.
8. equal amounts of hooters and booty make me smile.
9. although they are nothing with out intelligence.
10. praise moses its friday.
11. if another person says i look like jill scott ima scream.
12. jess is an idiot...ima mess around and get in trouble.
13. i cant wait to get a new cell phone.
14. less than 25% of my friends will have my cell phone number.
15. again, jess is an idiot.
16. i need to write...might do that in a minute.
17. i wonder if she knows that i have a crush on her.
18. probably not because i dont think she reads this.
19. ill tell her one day.
20. i get paid to do sit around and talk to jess.

damn....back to work. in a minute.....peace and hooters....cream out.

spaceship part deux.......im at work eatin cheetos puffs, sippin grape juice, and being bored outta my mind. i cant wait until payday. thursday seems so damn far away. im buying a bookshelf that ive had my eye on since i was around 18. its nothing special, 5 shelves, oak, blah blah blah. i need it for my 732378923 books that i have. the next thing im buying for my room is a desk. not having a desk sucks cows cooch. i need a cell phone too. *cheesin* my bitches have to be able to reach me at all times.....i kid, i kid. fa real tho, i want to be able to be online and talk on the damn phone. dial up is slow as an obese chic on a tread mill. i need to find a way to get highspeed ASAP. next....my migraine problem is back. i have no idea why but dammit, its here. have a migraine almost everyday and im not one to pop pills so i deal with the pain until i cant open my eyes. usually, i fall asleep. yesterday, i didnt. i sat in my bed with my eyes closed for about 2 hours. after i said fuck it and got up, i drank a glass of cold water and it left. anyway, im going to see a doctor as soon as i get some health insurance. next....my ex called me a couple of days ago with bass in her voice because she read my blog and she thought i was writing about her in one particular part. smh. i wasnt talkin about her, i was actually talkin about someone that is slowly gettin kicked outta my space. true, i was talking about her in the beginning but the statement that she was referring to wasnt about her. trust, if i had something to say about her, id write it and i would say it to her face. no one pumps fear over here....trust. you owe me an apology wit yo sensitive ass. next....on to my social life...formerly known as my love life. im still not ready to be in a committed relationship. i still have some roaming to do. not sayin i want to fuck anybody.....the offers keep coming but i decline them all. not sayin that sex doesnt frequent my mind like im a 15 year old boy. i have a lot of things that i want to do before i commit to someone. i have a couple of distant crushes...i admire them from a distance and ill probably never admit to the fact that i have a crush on them. oh yeah, and im not naming names heffas. i have a couple of chics that have crushes on me *blushin* one is a little closer to me than everyone else. everyone else is on the curb, in front of my house. she is in the yard. get the picture? i know she would do anything in the world that she could for me. that means a whole lot, especially since ive never had someone that truly has my back before. i dont let people get too close to me. gettin close to me might happen one day.....everything in its time homegirl. im just chillin for now. anyway, back to work i go. in a minute....probably 30....peace and sugar cookies....cream out.