a thousand suns.......i need to write. i havent sat down and wrote seriously in about 8 weeks. mainly because ive been in one of my moods. there are things going on around me that bother me everyday. im dealing with them the best way i know how.....i turn my back and close my eyes. when something is bothering me. i get hella antisocial and i dont want to be bothered. phone calls dont get returned and if i do talk on the phone, conversation is minimal. so if i havent called or IM’ed, dont take it personally. you would rather not talk to me right now. it seems like since i left school, phone calls from people that used to blow up my phone has come to an end. am i upset? nah....like i said before, i have no use for seasonal people. get on like ya been shit on. next...its weird how i used to write every time something was bothering me but things have changed a little. the words dance in my head but i dont write them down. ive been reading a lot lately thanks to graduation gifts from miss down down. homegirl sparked the return of the pen hittin the pad. thanks lil mama. anyway, i finally realize that my writing suffered because i wasnt reading like i used to. ive read 3 books in 2 weeks which is more than i have in a long, long time. i havent read like this since my first year of college. next....there is something about casual sex that is utterly disgusting to me. on the other hand, if i wait until i am in a relationship with someone that i love and i know loves me....i might not have sex for a very long. the last time i had sex was august 2004. sucks doesnt it? its not like i havent had opportunities to...i just havent done the damn thing. i dont need my life to be more complicated than what it is already. i wish miss “doesnt irritate cream to the point where she wants to shank her” would hurry up and whisper poetry in my ear...and not “wait til you see my strap”. smh...im sooooo tired of that song. whats so arousing about “wait til you see my dick. ima beat dat pussy up”? if a chick comes at me like that she is gettin shanked in the gut. next....one of my goals in life is to clean up my credit. ive seen first hand how if ya dont pay ya shit, ya wont have shit. i cant get high speed because of somebody else’s fuck up. since the bill was at this house, i cant do it. right now, there arent any words to describe how angry i am. my mother keeps sayin “well, you just have to deal with the slow one.” i have to deal with slow ass fuckin dial up because of YOUR ex’s bill. i shouldnt have to deal with it. all i gotta say is 6 muthafuckin months after get a job.....im out. i found out the electric bill has been in my name since i was 12. how the fuck can i have a damn electric bill if i dont have a fuckin job? *breathing...woooooo sahhhhhh* this is the most angry i have been since i was in school. some kinda way, ima have high speed in this bitch. somebody is gon do something dammit. the new layout is a work in progress.....i need high speed to upload it tho. im gon to take a walk. in a minute......peace and good credit......cream out.