im blastin: jay-z: heard of that
love venom.......so much to say. the past week has been hectic. after i took my statistics exam, i got a little teary eyed. my graduation depends on it. the exam was hard, as usual. the professor acted like it was easy as hell, as usual. it would be easy for her since she has her doctorate in behavioral statistics. ive been praying on it and most high willing, ill pass. i dont even want to think about that anymore....next. i went out tuesday night for my buddy laurice's birthday. she turned 21, so we went to applebees to get drinks. i was LIT. i had a mucho strawberry drink. all i know is it had cuervo in it. i wasnt drunk but i had a nice little buzz. then we went to the kappa sweetheart probate which was WACK as all hell. they are an social group, not a sorority. sad sad sad. its messed up that they are known for just sleeping with the kappas. smh. sheep are so damn sad. anyway, ames (amy) decided she wanted to go out to the afterparty at this club. so, i got all dolled up to go out. big mistake. first of all, there were nothing but fraggle lookin negroes and stank heffas in the club. i walked in and it seemed like the whole damn club turned around. i sat at the bar with laurice and ames...drank a couple of cosmos and watched the idiots make fools of themselves. yo...why in the peanut butter and jelly did this dude with golds all in his mouth sit beside me and stare like he wanted to say something. i looked at him and he smiled...i turned right back around. then, this old puerto rican dude tried to holla...yo, he has to be pushin 50. he came up talkin bout...come and dance with me. ummm...im not dancing because i do not want penis on my ass. all dudes wanna do is grind on ya booty and im not havin that crap. im not the one homeboy. when the whisper song came on, i got up and danced behind my bar stool. after the song was over, i sat my booty down and drank my drink. i didnt get home until around 3 or 4 and then i stayed up talkin to miss down down. for the past 2 weeks, we have gotten a lot closer. i dont know why but we have been talking a lot more....like a couple of times everyday. not that im complainin....thats my buddy. ive never met someone that was her age (ill keep it to myself for now) that has that much sense. she has more sense than the average 25 year old, which says a lot, trust. hopefully, she'll come see me sometime this summer. i still talk to india every now and then. honestly, its not like it used to be. i put my feelins in check and now im aight. i almost slipped and caught more than lust but less than love but i slapped the hell out of myself just in time. unless she fucks up, she'll always be my friend. she has shown me some things and not shown me some things that kinda bother me. i mean, if you like someone and you care about them, you show them. actions speak soooo much louder than words. its more about how you act than what you say. im done with the whole relationship thing until i find a woman that can offer me what i need in a relationship and i havent found that yet. so, im chillin...not lookin but not blind. ty called me today and i wasnt rude....for the second time. i dont despise her anymore but we will never be like we were. she laughed at me when i told her about what i had been doing. she always has thought i was an amusing chic....sometimes i am. i have a weird way of saying things. anyway, she told me about her girl and what she has been doing which basically boiled down to nothing. she has a lot of potential but she isnt using it. a mind is a terrible thing to waste homegirl. its like, she is a relationship chameleon. meaning, that she conforms to the behavior of the woman she is with. when we were together, she was working, going out occasionally, not gettin drunk, not smoking...basically, trying to progress...trying to get her own apartment, car, etc. now, she is working but she smokes weed, gets drunk to the point where she thought she had a drinking problem, and is basically just existing...not doing anything to further herself. like i said before, she lives in her girl's apartment and drives her girl's car. doesnt have a damn thing to show for herself. smh...damn shame. next...i still havent started packing. well, i packed a little bit but i have soooo much more to do. tomorrow im going to be runnin around all day. hopefully, ill get everything done by 6 pm so i can go eat sushi before i leave this city. i thought that i wouldnt be sad about leaving here but i am a little bit. this is where i blossomed into the woman that i am right now. this is the place where i was first independent. me and tia watched the sun set together in this room. i was made love to for the very first time, in this room. me and woo pulled the mattress on the floor and ate pizza together....i sat in front of the window while i was on the phone arguing with her MANY nights. jeanette picked me up for the first time in front of the statue in front of the library. i experienced my first real heartbreak here. i discovered that the chic that came here, wasnt really me and i stripped my soul to expose my true self.....here. so, yeah....there are a lot of memories besides academic related ones. ill be back.....one day. aight, thats enough for now. in a minute....peace and reflection....cream out.