queen me.........i have a fuggin cold. im fightin this shit with all my might. i dont know where the hell it came from but i wish it would go away. this shit sucks monkey’s balls. i have a snotty nose, a nasty cough, and headaches. praise the most high for aleve and nyquil tablets. next....my distain for my brother’s girlfriend has grown. dont get me wrong, she is an aight person but yo....she is the laziest chic. just because you have a job doesnt mean you can come home and lay around, eat, make messes, and sleep all damn day. fuck that shit. like i said before, they dont have maids in this bitch. today, she went to work for about 4 or 5 hours, came home, took a shower and changed clothes, and laid on the couch and slept for most of the day. that shit is not acceptable. fuck that. next...there is a little girl that lives down the street from us named mai. her mother doesnt keep her clean or her clothes clean. her hair is never combed. she is 3 years old and basically does what she wants to do. she runs up and down the street unattended. anyway, she comes over to play with my niece. now, my niece looks like a little prisspot all the time because my brother makes sure all of her clothes have matching shoes and accessories. she dresses like a little woman. mai came down here today with no shoes on. i asked her where her shoes were and she told me that she lost them. the shoes that i was referring to were a pair of imitation wallabies that are run down. i went into the house to see if i could find an old pair of my niece’s shoes because she has about 1232903980320 pairs of shoes. i find a pair of shoes and me and my niece walk to this house where mai was at. the damn house is a crack house. i want to drop kick her mother. anyway....i sat on the steps and put the shoes on her feet. mayn, mai was soooooo happy that she had a pair of shoes. she wanted to go with me and my niece but someone in that house was gonna do her hair so i told her she could come over later. well, later on i went to walmart and spent my last $2 on a pair of flip-flops for mai. there is no damn excuse why her mother cant buy her a pair of flip-flops and keep her clothes clean. none...whatsoever. its not like the bitch has a job. there i go gettin off topic again. i came home and put the flip-flops on mai’s feet and you woulda thought i had bought her some jordans. she said “they are sooooo pretty. now i can be pretty like her (she was pointing to my niece)”. that was my good deed for the day. i may be a mean ass at time but i have a good heart. next....i talked to ty again today. she told me that she and her girlfriend got into another physical fight. i keep tellin her and woo.....i wasnt fucked up enough for them. both of them like arguing and all that shit. im not the one for that shit. if ya want to argue and fight....im not the one for you. if i feel like i had to hit you to get my point across, we shouldnt be together. im leavin ya ass ASAP. i run from dysfunctional relationships like the plague. one was enough for me. ty told me that she still loves me. *LAUGHIN MY ASS OFF* that chic wouldnt know love if it punched her in the face and introduced itself. moving on.....there are 2 very different women wanting to be invited into my space. im not ready for a relationship right now. im takin this relationship thing a day at a time. ive been hurt too many times because i jumped into something that i shouldnt have known was gonna be fucked up. all the signs were there but i chose to ignore them. i let sweet words, good conversations, and a million empty promises cloud my vision. its gonna take a lot to woo me. its gonna take a lot to lock me down. i wont lower my standards for the sake of being in a relationship. fucka that. next....i havent talked to my good friend dubb in months. heffa is probably hibernating in her backyard. thank you for the cards lil daddy. now, call a chic. we have some work to do. *gettin out my corset, heels, short skirt, and berretta* next....i got my confirmation letter. basically, it says “yeah dammit, you really did graduate”. so, im all happy but i knew i graduated already. i feel sorry for those peeps that walked but really didnt graduate. well, im not one of them. now, i need a job. i applied for 2 social work positions but i need something now. i got things that i want, fuck that, i got shit that i need. im still focused on moving out this bitch. gettin my own apartment so i can walk around naked, burn nag champa incense, and have coltrane playing all day. damn, my brother’s girl gets on my nerves. *i had to say it again* next....my grandma is supposed to be gettin me cable internet. i know, i know.....im spoiled. i cant wait cuz this damn dial up shit is for the birds. i dont see how people do it. smh. when i get cable internet, ima change the layout. im tired of it being so damn dark. aight....im takin my ass to sleep. in a minute....peace and zakat.....cream out.

the eagle.......ive been antisocial as hell today. im in one of my moods i guess. actually, i know whats wrong with me. i feel fuggin out of place in this bitch. all my life i have felt like i was the oddball of my fam and really, i am. its like the stork dropped me with the wrong fuggin family. when i was in high school, i never thought that i would go to college. maybe the military, but not college. either way, i had to get the fuck away from here. ive never felt like i belong here and my fam doesnt make that seem untrue. it seems like everything i do is accepted, but frowned upon. it would be different if what i was doing was illegal or some shit. the fact that im legal as hell is the issue. smh. im just tired of feeling like being myself and feeling the way i do is fuggin wrong. thats why when i find a job, im moving into my own apartment in at least 6 months. i have to....for my own sanity. i refuse to feel the way i felt before i went to school. i refuse to let my mind go back to the way it was. i refuse to let this place turn me into the toxic being i was before i left. i refuse to let anybody in this bitch consume me. im comin in blastin muthafuckas. ya bedda duck. eagles soar alone. in a minute....makin peace with my steel.....cream out.

blahbread and gravy.......O.K.....I have graduated (most high willing) and now I am at home. before I began about home, lemme touch on my graduation. my mother and my father came. well, my sister, niece, step-mother, future sister in law, and my step mother’s grand daughter was there. it was actually kinda weird seeing my mother and my father in the same place at the same time. me and this boy...Ryan Robirds (I‘ll never forget his name)....talked through the whole ceremony. hell, we were bored out of our minds. when the lady called my name, i strolled across the stage. i could hear my momma’s mouth out of everybody that screamed my name. when i walked off the stage, my father was at the end. i hugged him and he took a damn picture of me. i’m tellin you, i hate taking pictures. i was tired, had bags under my eyes, and i was hot as all hell....i wasn’t in the mood for no damn pictures. when we got on the interstate, i got a tad bit pissed because none of the people that said they were coming, came. i was pissed for a couple of minutes and then i got over it. fuck it....but dammit i wont forget. trust and believe that shit. now, im at home and it has hit me that im not leaving in august. i feel somewhat stuck. i have to hurry up and find a job because my living situation isn’t gonna be cool for after a minute. my brother and his girlfriend are some lazy mofos. they act like they have maids. well uhhh...my name aint Florence muddasuckas and i’m not cleaning up after anybody but myself and my niece occasionally. They don’t clean anything but their asses. SMH. Another thing, I value my space. I like being by myself. I might have to get cable tv and cable internet in my room...then id only come out to use the bathroom. I have my mini fridge plugged up with snacks and drinks in it. That's another thing. They are some greedy mofos too. IN-CON-FUGGIN-SIDERATE. <----Need I say more?? Next.... I’ve gotten lonely a couple of times. I talk to Miss Down Down everyday. I talked to my buddy Nisha yesterday. Other than that, I haven't really talked to anybody. I guess since my location changed, people did too. Oh well. People that matter know how to find me. If you are one of the privileged people that have my number and haven't used it.... as of right now, don't use it. Put that in ya blunt and smoke it. I have no time for seasonal relationships. I'm a bit too grown for that shit. Oh...since I am talking about seasonal relationships.... lets get on these damn posers. I am so damn tired of people not being themselves around me. If you aint shit, don't act like you are about big things. If you haven't read a book in the past 5 years outside of magazines, don't act like you are an intellectual. If you are broke as hell, don't act like you can afford an escalade. If you are bisexual or confused, don't front like you are a lesbian. (that right there could get you shanked) if you just wanna fuck, don't act like you want a relationship. Just be up front and honest. Like my buddy Alia said “be naked around me”. Not literally you damn pervs. Well, a couple of yall could.... I’m jokin. Anyway, I'm tired of these women sayin “cream, your mind is so cool” “I love your mind” “I love how you think“, blah blah blahbread. Ok, ya think my mind is beautiful, thanks homegirl. What I don't get is, if it’s so damn beautiful, why the fuck do you attempt to play me? Like my mind isn't equipped to detect fuckin posers and bullshittas. Bitch please. I have a very sensitive bullshit meter on my cerebellum. Don't try to play me dammit, play lotto. Your chances of winning are better. The next chic that tries to run game is gonna get touched. Aight....thats enough for now. I’m finna clean my room. in a minute.....peace and steel.....cream out.

3 hours.....til i graduate. it still hasnt hit me yet. it looks like its gonna rain which would royally piss me off. i need to pack up my computer but i didnt want to until i updated my blog from the place that i started it from. my college years have been aight....i learned a lot. more about myself and life than academic stuff. i think it will really hit me that im a graduate when i leave my room. i hope everybody makes it here safely. i hope i dont fall and bust my butt when they call my name. i hope my momma doesnt scream too loud. i hope that my father comes like he said he was and i hope he and my mom can get along for the day. this has been my home for friggin eva. now, on to bigger and better things. the most high has a plan for me. anyway, i need to shower and get dressed before my fam comes. in a minute....peace and commencement...cream out.

im blastin: jay-z: heard of that
love venom.......so much to say. the past week has been hectic. after i took my statistics exam, i got a little teary eyed. my graduation depends on it. the exam was hard, as usual. the professor acted like it was easy as hell, as usual. it would be easy for her since she has her doctorate in behavioral statistics. ive been praying on it and most high willing, ill pass. i dont even want to think about that anymore....next. i went out tuesday night for my buddy laurice's birthday. she turned 21, so we went to applebees to get drinks. i was LIT. i had a mucho strawberry drink. all i know is it had cuervo in it. i wasnt drunk but i had a nice little buzz. then we went to the kappa sweetheart probate which was WACK as all hell. they are an social group, not a sorority. sad sad sad. its messed up that they are known for just sleeping with the kappas. smh. sheep are so damn sad. anyway, ames (amy) decided she wanted to go out to the afterparty at this club. so, i got all dolled up to go out. big mistake. first of all, there were nothing but fraggle lookin negroes and stank heffas in the club. i walked in and it seemed like the whole damn club turned around. i sat at the bar with laurice and ames...drank a couple of cosmos and watched the idiots make fools of themselves. yo...why in the peanut butter and jelly did this dude with golds all in his mouth sit beside me and stare like he wanted to say something. i looked at him and he smiled...i turned right back around. then, this old puerto rican dude tried to holla...yo, he has to be pushin 50. he came up talkin bout...come and dance with me. ummm...im not dancing because i do not want penis on my ass. all dudes wanna do is grind on ya booty and im not havin that crap. im not the one homeboy. when the whisper song came on, i got up and danced behind my bar stool. after the song was over, i sat my booty down and drank my drink. i didnt get home until around 3 or 4 and then i stayed up talkin to miss down down. for the past 2 weeks, we have gotten a lot closer. i dont know why but we have been talking a lot more....like a couple of times everyday. not that im complainin....thats my buddy. ive never met someone that was her age (ill keep it to myself for now) that has that much sense. she has more sense than the average 25 year old, which says a lot, trust. hopefully, she'll come see me sometime this summer. i still talk to india every now and then. honestly, its not like it used to be. i put my feelins in check and now im aight. i almost slipped and caught more than lust but less than love but i slapped the hell out of myself just in time. unless she fucks up, she'll always be my friend. she has shown me some things and not shown me some things that kinda bother me. i mean, if you like someone and you care about them, you show them. actions speak soooo much louder than words. its more about how you act than what you say. im done with the whole relationship thing until i find a woman that can offer me what i need in a relationship and i havent found that yet. so, im chillin...not lookin but not blind. ty called me today and i wasnt rude....for the second time. i dont despise her anymore but we will never be like we were. she laughed at me when i told her about what i had been doing. she always has thought i was an amusing chic....sometimes i am. i have a weird way of saying things. anyway, she told me about her girl and what she has been doing which basically boiled down to nothing. she has a lot of potential but she isnt using it. a mind is a terrible thing to waste homegirl. its like, she is a relationship chameleon. meaning, that she conforms to the behavior of the woman she is with. when we were together, she was working, going out occasionally, not gettin drunk, not smoking...basically, trying to progress...trying to get her own apartment, car, etc. now, she is working but she smokes weed, gets drunk to the point where she thought she had a drinking problem, and is basically just existing...not doing anything to further herself. like i said before, she lives in her girl's apartment and drives her girl's car. doesnt have a damn thing to show for herself. smh...damn shame. next...i still havent started packing. well, i packed a little bit but i have soooo much more to do. tomorrow im going to be runnin around all day. hopefully, ill get everything done by 6 pm so i can go eat sushi before i leave this city. i thought that i wouldnt be sad about leaving here but i am a little bit. this is where i blossomed into the woman that i am right now. this is the place where i was first independent. me and tia watched the sun set together in this room. i was made love to for the very first time, in this room. me and woo pulled the mattress on the floor and ate pizza together....i sat in front of the window while i was on the phone arguing with her MANY nights. jeanette picked me up for the first time in front of the statue in front of the library. i experienced my first real heartbreak here. i discovered that the chic that came here, wasnt really me and i stripped my soul to expose my true self.....here. so, yeah....there are a lot of memories besides academic related ones. ill be back.....one day. aight, thats enough for now. in a minute....peace and reflection....cream out.

miss cleo.......just a quick update before i continue to study for my statistics final. praise the most high for georgetown.edu...i wouldnt understand half of this stuff if it wasnt for their statistics website. on my study break, i read my horoscope for this week. lol...things that make you go hmmmm.
Mercury in Aries makes this a good time to talk about any changes you want to make at home with your family.aight...cuz im finna go home and change the game
As the Sun also squares Neptune, you also need to be careful if you're dating someone new, as they may not behave as you had hoped. How they appear and how they are may be two very different things. You may come to a profound realization Sunday, so take some time for deep thought. LMAOOOOOO....damn if that aint true.
aight back to studying homeboys and homegirls. pray for me. in a minute....peace and sun signs....cream out.