thoughts.......like i said, i know it has been a while since i posted. i have been writing in my journal a lot...when i have time. it seems like time is passing by so fast...i can barely keep up. its hard to do the things you want to do in the time alloted. its like, i have so many goals and aspirations but no time. i dont sleep very much (my friends would say otherwise) because i am either at work or in class or studying. i realized about a year ago that college isnt for me right now but yet, im still here. im still here struggling to make passing grades in classes that really dont interest me. what am i here for? i am here because i know that without that damn piece of paper i might not have a chance to do anything else. that piece of paper will open some doors that would be closed to me if i didnt have it. i plan to move to connecticut when i graduate and the job market is competitive as hell there. so, da kid has to do what she has to do. come hell or high water, i am getting my degree. after i graduate and get a job, i will start doing me. i will start studying the things i want to study. i will start my design business. i will drink wine in paris and watch the hours go by on big ben in london. i will finally live. next...i bought a bottle of ellen tracy perfume today. it smells soooo good. i am so proud of myself.......i finally bought something for myself. im always buying for other people, putting myself second, third, sometimes fourth. today, i was first. well, i got my niece's christmas stuff out of layaway but thats it. shit, i work 5 days a week, i deserve to splurge on myself. next...exams start tomorrow. im a little worried but fuck it. either i know it or i dont. ill study and do my best. ok....im getting a headache. ill holla lata. in a minute....peace...cream out.

heartburn..........its been a while, i know. between writing my theory paper and work, i havent had time to do anything. thanksgiving was cool....ate some chitlins, spent time with my fam...blah blah blah. to the present.....she just left.....stopped to see me on her way to memphis. last night was....real. after we made love and she fell asleep, i layed my head on her thigh and cried. i know she didnt hear me because after driving for over 12 hours and 2 orgasms, she was knocked out. it felt so good to be near her....even if it was just for one night. right now im crying...its so hard to see her leave me. we promised each other that we wouldnt let another 5 months go by without seeing each other. hopefully, we will see each other in january. im going to start planning it early....like right now. in a minute....peace....cream out.