never again....it...is...5:00 in the morning and im wide awake with tears in my eyes. i guess everything hit me at one time. i woke up and laid in my bed for a minute...just thinking. then, my eyes started filling with tears. the fuckin truth is so hard to face. i have realized, i have wanted to be loved by someone so damn much i have accepted less than what the fuck i deserve...subpar treatment for the sake of being with someone that im really not even officially with. acting like im married when i cant even get a fuckin commitment. let me take that back...a commitment is pending. what kinda stupid shit is that? the fact is, i have wanted to be loved so fuckin bad that i have allowed myself to be subjugated and disrespected. what ive received isnt even really fuckin love. if someone loves you, they dont hurt you. they dont make you cry more than they make you smile. thought id learned that lesson, guess not if i allowed this shit to happen. im tired. i gotta do better. if i keep doing what im doing, im going to keep getting what im getting which is more tears than laughter, more loneliness than companionship, more bullshit than love. fuck that. i deserve better. i deserve more. i promise, this shit wont happen again. never again. people say, never say never. fuck that. NEVER AGAIN. ive gone through again, another again, and now im sayin, never again. there is a fine line between love and hate....and im on it.