cinderella....ive started writing at least 10 times in the past month, only to get writer's block. well, i cant blame it all on writer's block. writing makes me come face to face with my problems. u cant ignore them if u are writing about them. so, what has brought me in front of my computer today? a mixture of frustration and stress. im at my wits end. i have a job that i hate...that if i could quit right now, i would with no hesitation. i have a life that has become so damn routine and boring that i hardly recognize myself. i keep saying this cant be it. this cant be my life. my love life is nonexistant. most women tend to bore me now. its funny how when im ready to be open..ready to commit...ready to give and receive love...its no where to be found. maybe im not really ready or maybe its not ready for me. i dont know. i spoke with my father today and as usual, i got off the phone in tears. as much as i say his words and his absence doesnt hurt me, it does. he is a fuckin asshole and i see where i get it from. damn, thats the first time i smiled today. i want so much more from my life but it seems like the more i push for more, the less i get. i guess thats life tho. aint no fairytales 'round this bitch...even tho i pray for happily ever after. its been almost 2 years since i graduated from college and im basically in the same position i was in then. i have a lil more money, health insurance that sucks monkey's ass cuz doctors aint really doing shit but tellin me shit i already know (yeah, that was a rant), and more work experience (im not gonna even start on that). other than all that what the hell have i done? been in a fucked up relationship, developed high blood pressure, developed a serious shopping habit, and thats about it. this cant be my life. in a minute...prolific out.